Redefining Failure

 

A young man was appointed president of a bank. Intimidated by his new responsibilities, he nervously sought the advice of his gray-haired predecessor:

Sir. What has been the secret of your success? The secret, young man, is two words: right decisions! replied the older man. But how do you make the right decisions? One word: experience. But how do you get experience? The old man smiled. Two words: wrong decisions.

We all make bad decisions. We all fail. We can deny that we fail, or run from it and even allow it to become a paralyzing fear or we can see failure as an important part of our success.

The difference between success and failure depends on how you look at it. Our culture has conditioned us to see success as a most desirable goal and failure as a terrible event. The reverse may actually be closer to the truth.

We make excuses or blame others for our failures and pretend to be successful when were not. There are some who believe they’re failures and others who believe they’ve never failed. Lets’ face it we all fail.

Michael Jordan said,” I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On countless occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s precisely why I succeed.”

Although failure is not a requirement for success, it can be a stepping stone to deeper relationships with God and others. By God’s grace, we can learn how to fail successfully! God is a specialist in working out our failings into His purposes. We can learn a lot from our failings.

After thousands of failed experiments, Thomas Edison would say, “I have not failed. I have learned thousands of ways that won't work.” It’s not so important that we fail, but that we learn from it.

“Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I obey your word... It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decree.” Psalm 119:67, 71 The Hebrew word for ‘afflicted’ refers to not only physical suffering but also to brokenness and failure. The psalmist makes it clear that failure can bring emotional and spiritual growth.

As a child, Moses was privately tutored in the Pharaoh’s palace with all its’ advantages. Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action. Moses had it all. He was handsome and had a great resume. When Moses spoke, people listened! His life is a case study of how God uses our failings.

When Moses became aware of his people’s oppression he thought he could deliver them by his own power (Acts 7:25). The Rambo Moses tried to emancipate the Hebrews by his own passionate will and might. Seeking justice in his own way he took matters into his own hands and took the life of an Egyptian (Ex.2:11-14) and he was in big-time trouble!

There are some observations from Moses’ failings that we all can learn from. The first observation is that no matter where we come from and despite what we may think…

No One Is Exempt from Suffering
Moses had not yet learned the distinction between passion and purpose and impulse and principle. He was sympathetic towards the plight of his people’s suffering and wanted their oppressor to feel his wrath. Yet, the response to his impulsive action was heard in the question by own of his own people, "Who made you ruler and judge over us?

Instead of Moses delivering and leading the Hebrews no one was listening or wanted to follow him, at least not yet. Moses was afraid, disappointed, and exhausted. He pushed his own way and ran from what he caused apart from God’s way and timing. Sound familiar?

For Moses, there was no deliverance, only failure. Moses learned the hardest of lessons that we also would do well to consider. The second observation:

Passionate self-will before knowing God’s way can lead us to disaster
Oh, precious ones may we learn not only this observation from the life of Moses, but so much more from his life in the next coming blog.

 

Getting Clarity in Decisions

A young naval Ensign had proven his skills to his Captain and was looking forward to the day when he would successfully take the giant destroyer out of the dock and out into the open sea. Finally, the day arrived, and Ensigwas enthusiastically and quickly barking out orders to the crew with a flurry of hurried activities.

Another officer came to the Ensign to give him a radio report from the Captain. The Ensign thought it was kind of odd to receive a radio report from the Captain when he could have just come to him personally. Here was the radio message:

Congratulations on your excellent departure from the dock in record time. You did everything according to proper procedure and in fact, you broke a record, but there is one thing I want to bring to your attention, and that is, always before you depart make sure the Captain is on board.”

Sometimes our lives are like that. We got the procedures down, but we forget to make sure our Captain is on board. There are a lot of smart people who have a lot of knowledge but have a hard time applying it to their lives.

The speed of information today is utterly mind-blowing. With a simple click, we can know something anywhere in the world within seconds. We hear a lot of voices and have plenty of information about a lot of things, but what do we do with it?

What is knowledge and what is wisdom?
Unfortunately, there is not a direct correlation between knowledge and wisdom. Webster’s definition of wisdom says ‘Wisdom is accumulated philosophic or scientific learning, the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships.’

We all need wisdom. Wisdom is meant to be practical, not theoretical. Wisdom doesn’t mean you know more, but it’s what you do with what you know. 

The Hebrew word for wisdom is used to describe a skill to work, expertise, experience. The Apostle Paul said the Athenians prided themselves in their ‘deeper’ Greek philosophy of superior wisdom by saying, “They spend their time doing nothing, but talking and listening to the latest new ideas.” Acts 17:2

Wisdom does not necessarily have anything to do with age.
The book of Proverbs tells us that wisdom is developed by the choices you make and is dependent upon our heart’s willingness to grow. If you want to grow and make the wisest decisions in your life then seek God’s wisdom. Peter tells us,

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:5-8

Mistakes Were Made But Not by Me

I blew it; I never should have said that! Have you ever felt bad about something you’ve said or done and wish you could take it back? Sure you have. We all have. Sadly, I’ve said things to people that weren’t said in love. It might have been true, but it wasn’t said in the right way.

The timing of my rationalized, yet hurtful words was bad. The person was too emotionally raw to hear my words. If you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth and regretted it you know what I mean. We might think that our words were reasonable and completely justified. After all, the words were true, didn’t they 'get it' are they really that ‘clueless’?

Here’s the hard part for many. We might have had the right intention, but the impact of our words or actions was not what we hoped for.

Unfortunately, unkind words and actions have caused the end of personal relationships and strained international relationships as well. See James 3:5-10

It’s going to be hard now after what I’ve said. What can I do now to make things better? I can apologize and say, “I’m sorry.” It sounds easy, but why is it so hard for so many to say that? Maybe it’s because we don’t really think we made a mistake?

In the fascinating and well researched book, Mistakes Were Made, (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts the authors explore people’s strong need for self-justification and the serious consequences.

“Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up to the huge implications of their decisions when they screw up?  Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves?  Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson

This self deception is seen in the words from the British politician, Lord Molson (1903-1991), "I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come." See Jesus’ parable the Mote and the Beam.

Have you ever noticed some people have 20/20 vision for faults and flaws and misdeeds of others but, complete myopia when it comes to themselves? Not you, of course, but some people do.
It's somebody else who has the problem.

In other words, the truth is we don’t see our blind spots, but others do. Other people know. They talk about it with each other, but this is just true for all of us, part of the human condition. Like the garden of old we confidently find fault with others, not owning up to what’s ours’.

Why is it so easy to justify and rationalize after we’ve hurt others? Maybe deep down we think they deserve it and were not even aware of it. Maybe it has more to do with us and not them. It can be different.

The question is…Am I quicker to pass judgment on or gossip about other people than I am to see and feel the painful truth about myself?

Hopefully, upon honest reflection you come to the realization that you made a big mistake. What can you do? Here are two suggestions:
First, before you apologize you must acknowledge that you made a mistake. Don’t rationalize and self-justify. Secondly, when you screw up admit,”I’m sorry for hurting you, I made a mistake, will you forgive me? I need to understand what went wrong. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

In the final analysis the test of an individual’s integrity does not depend on being mistake free. It depends on what we do after making the mistake. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu observed more than twenty-five-hundred years ago:

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it.

We all need help. What about you? Why not join me this week with a decision. If somebody says something to you that's critical, instead of leaning away, defending or dismissing, try being more open and ask them to tell you more. That takes guts, but by God’s grace He can open our eyes to see more clearly the truth about ourselves.

I invite you to share any comments or suggestions about how we can do better by admitting our mistakes on this blog or by email.

The Power of Words

Last week we looked at how showing mercy can open the door to healing and redemption in a divisive world. The words we use can help restore broken relationships and improve our current ones.

Controlling our tongue is the one of the hardest things in life. Peter tells us, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” 1 Peter 3:10

A way to live in peace is to watch your words and your reactions to other’s words. 

We all regret things we’ve said? Part of managing our words in conversation is defining what we mean. Words don’t always mean the same thing to all people.  If one person says that’s bad, does that mean really bad or totally awesome? In difficult conversations define your words when necessary.

Words hurt. Words heal.
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

You can break a bone and it might take six weeks or a few months to heal, but some of you have been holding onto words for far too long. Emotional wounds take a whole lot longer to heal than physical wounds.

Our words can heal or tear down, delight, destroy, encourage or discourage. We can either compliment and encourage or destroy a relationship by our words.  Most of you know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to destroy someone that is so precious to you with your words unintentional or not.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19

Maturity grows when our concerns for others are greater than for ourselves.

God made us different and he did it on purpose. No one has the total picture and perspective on everything. You and I don’t have it all together, but we do need community. Despite our painful histories we need each other. God made it that way! 

God wants us to use our differences to enrich each other’s lives rather than to divide us. When we live out the six heart attitudes that we’ve been looking at in the last three blogs it will improve all of our relationships and reduce conflicts. Now, isn’t that what we all want and need?

Compassion and Humility in a Divisive World

How can we live in harmony in such a divisive world? Last week we looked at two heart attitudes that can foster harmony. There are two more significant heart postures that can help us develop new meaningful lasting relationships and improve our current ones.

Compassionate Heart
Showing compassion takes sympathy a step further. There are two ways we can show compassion in our relationships:

What we say.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Does this verse characterize your speech and lifestyle?  Words that build others up makes other people appreciate you’re around, it meets needs. Or are your words like bombs filled with hurt and pain? Part of reducing conflict is choosing the right words at the right time in the right place.

How we act.
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

What can I do for you?  Rate yourself on  a compassion scale of 1 to 10. If the people closest to you say your prevalent attitude is, “How can you make my life better?” give yourself a 1-2.
Give yourself a 9 if you are constantly looking for ways to make life better for others.

Humble Heart
When we’re unwilling to compromise it’s highly likely that we’ll have little harmony or resolution in our lives. Humility is recognizing we don’t have it altogether and being honest with our weaknesses, our failings and willing to admit our mistakes. I’m willing to say four words, “I need your help.” To say you need help takes humility. 

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment. Romans 12:3

Humility also enables me to say I was wrong. It’s hard to be honest and vulnerable isn’t it? Humility is able to say, “forgive me.” It may be hard for some to say that, but when we remember how much God has graced our lives and forgiven us we can say, “I’m sorry I was wrong, please forgive me.”

Scripture encourages us to bear one another’s burdens, but how do I know what’s yours’ or how do you know what’s mine unless we share it?

How would you rate your level of humility 1 to 10? If you can’t back down and are defensive and can’t admit your wrong and ask forgiveness give yourself a 1. If you haven’t said “I was wrong” since 2000 give yourself a 1.” Give yourself a 9 if you can easily ask other people for help and admit that you’re wrong. You get the idea.

Join us next time for more heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships.

Live in Harmony

NPR's radio show This American Life ran a segment about a marketing executive from Colombia named Jose Miguel Sokoloff. The government of Columbia hired Jose to run an ad campaign that would convince the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia or FARC guerrilla rebels to demobilize and reenter society.

In 2010 Jose and his team ran a campaign called "Operation Christmas," but they saved their most effective ad campaign for last. After three Christmas ad campaigns, due to political changes [Jose] and his team knew they had to try something new.

Then in 2012, the two warring sides began peace talks that seemed very promising. So, the question was no longer: Is this a winnable war? but this: Since the war is probably going to end, will my community back home take me in again? Will my family still accept me?

And that's when they dropped probably their biggest emotional bomb, a campaign they called simply "Mothers' Voices." They found 37 mothers of guerrilla fighters who were willing to give them pictures of those fighters as children.

Jose said, “It was important that they gave us pictures of the kids when they were small, because in order to protect them, we needed to make sure that only the person in the picture would be able to recognize himself. And the message was, "Before you were a guerrilla, you were my child. Come back home. I'm waiting for you."

They printed up thousands of these posters and hung them in towns that the guerrillas moved through and nailed them to trees as well. With a simple, moving focus, the "Mothers' Voices" proved you don't have to do something huge to win someone over. In this case, you just needed a mom and her love for her wayward child. 331 guerillas came out of the jungle and went home to their mothers.

Although our experiences are different than this our hearts can relate to this amazing story of re-connection. We all need re-connection and harmony in our relationships, but it’s far easier said than done. What does that look like for you and I? What can we do to foster harmony and improve our relationships?

Six heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships
Sympathy - Understanding, validating, and affirming someone in their sorrow.
It’s much easier to rejoice with someone than to be with them in their sadness. Sympathy meets two basic needs:

1. We all have a need to be understood. 

2. We all need our feelings validated.  It’s great when someone not only understands us, but validates our feelings. We might not feel the way they do, but we can validate them anyway.

How do I become more sympathetic? Use your ears more. When we listen intentionally, we’re saying, “You matter to me, your valuable!”

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  James 1:19

The problem with slowing down to be a better listener is that we’re in such a hurry to get our point across. We want people to understand us that we can miss out on what someone is actually saying. Seek first to understand, then to be understood! 

If I’m sympathetic to you I’ll be more likely to cut you some slack. For some the source of conflict in their lives is because their experiences have never been validated by anyone. We might not give someone the time of day or care about their story.  We may not “feel the way they do,” but we don’t need to belittle or downgrade them or ridicule their fears and doubts.

How would you rate yourself on a scale 1-10?  If most say you’re always understanding give yourself a 7-8. If people closet to you tell you that you ignore their feelings all the time give yourself a 1. You get the idea.

Loyalty – Be committed to each other. Were in this together!

If you’re Christ follower you and I are not in competition with each other, were on the same team to cooperate and work together! When were irritated with someone we can get so focused on the problem we can forget about the value of the relationship. Stop attacking each other and ask what’s the best way we can work this out?

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves…Accept one another.   Romans 12:10; 15:7

I might angry with you, but I’m committed to you and our relationship. We might vehemently disagree, but were on the same team and I will be loyal to you no matter the cost. Accepting someone doesn’t mean I approve of their choices and that’s hard! I got faults, you got faults, but we make allowances within reason.

Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

Join us next time for more heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships.

My Way or God's Way?

In the previous blog we looked at how the word ‘submission’ has been radically misinterpreted. Unfortunately, history is full of women and other people groups that have been marginalized by unbiblical ‘under my thumb’ interpretations of submission.

So, it’s understandable this reality has impacted the how people view submission. Some think that submission means being used and abused by letting someone walk all over you to make them happy. That's not at all what it means. For some submission is all about getting their way.

My Way
Being exhausted of earning other’s approval for far too long can turn into my way This can look like ‘my way or the Highway.’ ‘This is the way things ought to be. If I ran everything, everything would be great!’

Women have come a long way since the Apostle Peter wrote about submission. The point of what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:3-4 was not meant to be a legalistic banning of beauty products or that women cannot improve their appearance. More importantly Peter empathizes the vastly superior value of the inner beauty of a woman in contrast to the danger of extravagant enslavement to fashion.

I think a little boy said it best when he asked his mom why she put so much stuff on her face? Her response, “Honey, if the barn needs painting, then I better paint it.” So, relax Mary Kay fans. But there is   a much better way to live.

God’s Way
A better way to see submission is being unselfishness. We need to learn to be unselfish in all of our relationships. But here’s the problem - we don’t think we are.  “I’m just fine, I’m getting what I want so why do I need to be unselfish.” I’m not selfish I just know what I want when I want and how and where I want it!”

James tells us that selfishness is a source of constant conflict

 
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice… What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
                                                                                                                              James 3:16; 4:1

When you boil down many conflicts someone in the conversation is being selfish and it’s always the other person!  God’s way of submission is seen in Christ’s submission to His Father’s will.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage, but rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Philippians 2:6-8

 

Under intense pressure and deep anxiety in the garden of Gethsemane Jesus submitted to His Father’s will, “Not my will, but thy will be done.” The result of that ultimate act of surrender revealed the heart of Jesus for His Father. Aren’t you glad Jesus’ submission to His Father brought you forgiveness and new life? 

When we bow our heart towards “Not my will, but thy will be done” we will not only experience true life-giving freedom, but it will also benefit others.

Hope For A Better Tomorrow

In the midst of shutdown, immigration and security concerns and our own stuff we all hope for a better tomorrow. All of us have hopes and dreams that we would see the best of life for others and for ourselves, but things get in the way.

Time passes and our hearts continue to long to see those hopes and dreams come to pass. Life takes a turn we didn’t expect or planned from either our own choices or just from the hard stuff of life.

What about your dreams and hopes? Do they seem so distant and unattainable, maybe even impossible?
For some their disappointment has brought them to such a place of desperation that they feel like giving up. Does anyone care about this or about me? Will anyone stand up for justice? Yet, in the midst of all the brokenness there is always hope! It’s not over for you or me?

We can all learn much for our own hopes and dreams from Martin Luther King Jr.’s life. King grew up in middle class surroundings and his father was the highly respected pastor of Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta. At the beginning of his social justice calling King was afraid for his family and his own life. In a sermon, he prayed

“Lord, I must confess that I’m weak now and I’m losing my courage and it seemed I heard a voice saying, Martin Luther stand for righteousness. Stand up for justice. And lo I will be with you always, even until the end of the world. He promised never to leave me, never leave me alone. No never leave me alone.”

Three nights later a bomb exploded on his front porch. Though not injuring anyone, King a man of fierce determination took it in stride. 

In the book ‘Bearing the Cross’, King said, “I am tired of the threat of death. I want to live, I don’t want to be a martyr. There are times I doubt if I’ll make it through. I’m tired of getting hit, beaten, tired of going to jail. But the important thing is not how tired I am, the important thing is to get rid of the condition that lead us to march.”

Here is an excerpt from King’s famous ‘Letter from a Birmingham Jail’ to fellow church leaders in Alabama.
“But more basically, I am in Birmingham because injustice is here. Just as the prophets of the eighth century B.C. left their villages and carried their "thus saith the Lord" far beyond the boundaries of their home towns, and just as the Apostle Paul left his village of Tarsus and carried the gospel of Jesus Christ to the far corners of the Greco Roman world, so am I compelled to carry the gospel of freedom beyond my own home town. Like Paul, I must constantly respond to the Macedonian call for aid.”

To read the whole letter in context click here:
When the march in Selma was over King addressed the weary marchers from the steps of the capital.
“How long will it take? However difficult, however frustrating the hour, it will not be long. Not long, because no lie can live forever. How long? Not long, because you reap what you sow. How long? Not long, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice. How long? Not long, because my eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord…” 

King was a man of focus who inspired many to re-consider the cultural norms of injustice. Though exhausted from years of steady plodding he remained resolute. Over the years I’d heard others refer to less admirable aspects to his life in order to minimize what good he had done. 

What strikes me the most was not his personal sacrifices or his incessant non-violent marches, nor even his eloquent speeches.  It was his firm grounding in the Christian gospel that motivated him to inspire others! 

These are King’s words the night before his assassination in Memphis. “Like anybody, I would like to live long. But I’m not concerned about that now. I just want to do God’s will… I’ve looked over and I’ve seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land. So I’m happy tonight. I’m not worried about anything. I’m not fearing any man. My eyes have seen the coming of the Lord.”

King was committed to the cause despite its cost. He carried his hopes and dreams everywhere he went. So, here’s the deal. His hopes and dreams were for others and not just for himself.  He tenaciously persevered through all his trials and like you and I had times of doubt and felt like giving up, but he didn’t!

He knew he wasn’t alone and my friend, neither are you! So, if you feel discouraged or even feel like giving up then reflect on King’s extraordinary life, but may we never forget the real King of the universe who gives us a living hope that will last forever! If you’re Christ follower please know that He WILL be with YOU and WILL hold you in HIS hands while your life story unfolds.

Things might be out of your control, but not out of HIS! He has a plan for you and all is not over, so hold on! He will be with YOU! It’s not over – there’s still time. He will see you through and ultimately to the Promised Land!

Is That All There Is To Thanksgiving?

Is Thanksgiving more than a day off, a parade, football and a meal that takes hours to prepare and few minutes to eat? Can it be more than that?

In the fall of 1621 just over 50 colonists attended the meal that became Thanksgiving including 22 men, four married women and more than 25 children and teenagers. These were the fortunate ones who had made it through the rough voyage across the Atlantic into the New World. They made it through the extreme harsh winter during which disease took the lives of nearly half the original group.

The majority of the women who had arrived on the Mayflower had died during the first winter. For the English the first Thanksgiving was celebrating that they had survived their first year in New England. The Plymouth colonists were likely outnumbered more than two-to-one at the event by their Native American guests.

While the 1621 event may not have been called Thanksgiving, thanksgiving was certainly present in that historic celebration, just as it would play a defining role in how the tradition developed over the centuries.  

Like the original colonist few have understood the power of giving thanks as thoroughly as Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor and novelist. Here’s what Wiesel said on the Oprah Winfrey show:

OPRAH: “There may be no better person than you to speak about living with gratitude. Despite all the tragedy you've witnessed, do you still have a place inside you for gratefulness?”

ELIE: “Absolutely. Right after the war, I went around telling people, "Thank you just for living, for being human." And to this day, the words that come most frequently from my lips are, "Thank you." When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.”

We hear a lot about being thankful, but living a life of gratitude isn’t easy. It requires time, effort and faithful practice.

“Without effort, feelings of gratitude are often fleeting, passing as quickly as they come. For example, I’m grateful to have a clean bill of health but gripe as soon as a cold interferes with my busy life. I have a kitchen filled with food but complain about cooking and closet filled with clothes but, “nothing to wear.”                                                                                                                                 Tiffany Musik Matthews 

Gratitude takes a conscious effort. In order to be grateful, we must first take the time to recognize that something has been done for our benefit. The culture’s prevalent attitude, ‘of what have you done for me lately,’ reflects expectation not gratitude.

Gratitude is reflected in acts of kindness and generosity and is an indicator that something good has taken place. Is there a difference between experiencing a warm, fuzzy feeling from time to time and living a life of gratitude? Dr. Robert Emmons, Professor of psychology at UC Davis says,

“Feeling grateful is not the same as being a grateful person, a grateful person is one who regularly affirms the goodness in his or her life and recognizes that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside of themselves.” Notice that Emmons says outside ourselves, not from us or because of us.

Those with a grateful heart feel more intensely grateful, on a regular basis, for multiple things, toward multiple people. While being grateful for positive events or moments of good fortune seems simple, but having a disposition toward gratitude suggests something more. For a Christ follower a grateful heart is being thankful for salvation and for God’s blessings, but it is also able to be grateful in difficult circumstances.

Being truly grateful extends beyond convenience. As receivers of salvation and divine grace, we should strive to be grateful in all seasons of our lives. Titus 3:4-5. The evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude in our lives makes us happier and healthier people, but practicing gratitude is easier said than done. 

We can all find reasons to be grateful, but unfortunately it’s more difficult to be appreciative of others. Kelsy Richardson, who is currently conducting graduate research on gratitude at Fuller Seminary, named pride as a major deterrent to gratitude said, “You would think that the opposite of being grateful is being ungrateful, but it’s actually selfishness or self-conceit. When you believe you deserve the good things you receive, you don’t feel the need to be grateful to others.”

In today’s age of entitlement many are mistaken to think that all social problems, economic insecurity, poverty, racism and even their own discomfort will end today or tomorrow. Many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort, but we are not God and cannot guarantee what we desire. Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. “Sometimes with gratitude you just have to accept life as it is and be grateful for what you have,” says Emmons.

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Brother David Steindl-Rast

A Better Way Than Getting Even

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all.  Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He came to the realization that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter.  He concluded that you cannot the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even
David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but to Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are,even if its' the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. Resentment and retaliation reduces us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when give it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.  Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

Are You In Need of Gratitude?

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.” Charles Dickens 

Gratitude helps us to appreciate things that we might otherwise take for granted and can increase our contentment.  Research has shown that gratitude provides many positive health benefits like lower levels of stress, better sleep and grateful people are more enjoyable to be around. 

Research also suggests that gratitude leads to an increased sense of self-worth. The apostle Paul wrote, “But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy.” Titus 3:4-5 

As recipients of God’s kindness, we know that we are of high value to God and as a result we are likely to feel more loved and cared for and more likely to reciprocate our own acts of generosity. God granted us mercy despite our undeserving nature and because of this and His great sacrifice for us we can come to the realization we are of incredible worth in His eyes. 

As a result we want to give thanks to God, “Give thanks to the lord, for He is good! His mercy endures forever,”Psalm 136:1 and to others, “We give thanks to God always for you.” I Thessalonians 1:2

Gratitude makes you a better person, not just in the sense of doing nice things for other people, but it comes with joy. When I’m grateful life feels more like a gift and I feel more engaged with the little things around me.

Thankfulness provides a needed balance to our irritation, anger, and frustration and less negative physical symptoms. Did you know there is lower occurrence of depression among grateful people?

People are not inherently grateful.  We were not born grateful, although some have had better role models than others growing up. Gratitude is learned and it takes time to develop. Practice gratitude.

Some of us need to consider having a gratitude journal recording the simple things that might otherwise be overlooked, like enjoying the warm rays of the sun or a cup of coffee with a good friend. You know, the things that can help develop a positive lens on life. Count your blessings rather than your burdens.

The more we express gratitude the more natural it becomes. You can change someone's life with a sincere thank you! Don't put it off, do it today. 
 
“Affirming and embracing the good in life seems to be the simple and natural outcome of living gratefully, especially when we stop to consider what God has done us.” Tiffany Musik Matthews

Through the cross we find the ultimate demonstration of unconditional love—and a very humbling reason to give thanks to the Creator. When we fully grasp our tremendous worth to God we can better appreciate His sovereignty and care for us in the midst of the storms of life. We become deeply grateful to God for His indescribable love.

Thinking about gratitude is great, but even better if it causes you to act because of it. Now, go out and show it to others for His sake.

Trust Issues

Do you trust issues? You can increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships by knowing...

We can trust God
I know that seems cliché to some of you, but it helps us to trust others by trusting God. The concept of trusting God has been so trivialized, overly simplified and misunderstood that many have a skewed perspective on what it means to trust God.

Contrary to some, trusting God and others is not easy. Unfortunately, some have even stigmatized God by the bad examples of his followers. They’ve been given an inaccurate spin and developed their own presuppositions of what God is like or even if there is a God.

It’s not surprising that trusting God is a common theme of the Bible with the words trust, faith or belief used interchangeably from cover to cover. The Bible makes it very clear that trusting God is a response to who and what He does. 

To trust Him with our life is the result of his revealing Himself to us through creation, his mighty deeds, his Word, and his faithfulness to keep all his promises. God is not a man that He should lie (Heb.6:17-18) or repent. What a refreshing reminder considering the lack of truth telling today.
God never needs to make an excuse for what He has said or done.

The Bible goes on to say that it’s impossible to please God without faith (Heb.11:6). So, the Bible is clear that we cannot have a relationship with God without trust or belief (John 3:16). Who needs a dead religion when you can have an intimate trusting relationship that matters and will last forever?

Now hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash…Yet, God is all-together different, transcending the boxes we put Him in. God desires us. God has and still is relentlessly and passionately pursuing us even if we think otherwise.

God has initiated trust with us not the other way around. Trust implies a relationship. From the Hebrews’ backs against the wall at the Red Sea, to Daniel in the Lion’s den, to David and his slingshot, to Job’s suffering, God has not deserted His people and He never will. God has proven He is trustworthy.

Grappling and understanding God’s unfathomable love for us enables us to not only trust him but others as well.

“The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free, to be free to receive love from people and be grateful for all the signs of God’s presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond it’s’ boundaries.”  Henri Nouwen

Join us next time about trusting others.

The Unchanging God

Before 911 Time Magazine had a section called Winners and Losers.  In August 2001 Rudy Giuliani was described as the lame duck Mayor of New York with crumbling health, a marriage on the rocks and a declining career. Subtitle: ‘What a loser - who would want to be this guy?’

Three weeks later Time called Rudy Giuliani the mayor of the world - a tower of leadership and strength on 911.  A few months later that same magazine made him the person of the year. Wow, how things can change. Perceptions, opinions and philosophy of life can change and most people realize change is inevitable.  It’s the one thing you can count on!

Fortunately, because God doesn’t change. He is absolutely consistent in his character.

God’s character does not change.
         
                       I the Lord do not change. Malachi 3:6  James 1:17; Dt. 32:4

Think about it, if God’s character could change he would either have to improve or deteriorate. He would have to change for the better or for the worse. How can you improve perfection?  God cannot change for the better for he’s already perfect and being perfect he cannot change for the worse.

There has never been a time when God was not; there never will be a time when He shall cease to be. He has never evolved, grown, nor improved.  All that he is today He has ever been and ever will be. Arthur Pink

Seven year old Billy prayed to God, “Dear God you better take care of yourself, if anything happens to you were all in a terrible mess.”

Like Billy, some think that during life’s challenges, “I don’t think God realizes the mess that I’m in and what’s at stake. God does not have the power to change this. I need a full strength God, He’s gotten weaker, He’s dropped the ball, He’s getting old.  He’s lost his stuff, he’s been sent down to the minor leagues."

God will always be who he is in his character. His power does not change. His omniscience has not changed.  He’s not staying home more often. He is not bedridden, sick, disengaged or tired. He who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps. Ps.102:25-26

God’s truth does not change

The words of the culture are blowing in the wind, but not so with the word of God. He means what He says forever – he doesn’t change his mind! Is. 40:6-8; Mt.24:35; Ps. 119:89, 52

He stands in the witness stand and testifies for Himself. Heb.6:17-18

God’s counsel does not change
God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? Numbers 23:19

Many can change their worldview, but God never does! He never needs to change or revise his counsel.  His counsel, his plans and His ways are made on the basis of complete knowledge and control of all things past, present and future.  So there is no sudden emergencies, he is not surprised about anything.

Because God is both omnipotent and omniscient he never needs to revise his decrees. Ps.33:11  What God does in time and space he had planned to do from eternity.  Eph.1:4; 2:10 All that he is planning to do He will do. The unchanging nature of God can be seen in its beauty when seen against the fickleness of mankind.  In God no change is possible, but with people change is impossible to escape.

Philosophers over the centuries have expressed the fickleness of humankind with no real answers.  Where can we find real permanence and stability in a world of constant change where relationships crumble under change?  In the sea of relativity character and promises are sadly lacking.

People can like you one day and hate you the next. In a world of such insincerity and fickleness it’s encouraging to know that people can change.  Read about the amazing story of would be suicide bomber Erin Ahmed.

However fickle and unstable friends and families can be God is not!  If he were manipulated, coaxed, influenced or begged off he would not be God!  There is a tremendous peace in knowing that your heavenly father’s character never changes.  In coming to him at any time we never have to wonder whether he is in a receptive mood.  Our Father is always receptive to our pain and our need to be loved. Heb. 7:25

God does not keep office hours, he does not set aside periods when he will see no one. He does not  change His mind about anything, not even you! 

Right now what God feels about his creation whether its babies, the frail, the sick, the elderly, the marginalized, the sinful and confused is as he did when he sent his only son into the world for you and I.

His love for you never cools off. He doesn’t lose enthusiasm for you. Nobody is 100% consistent except God! If you don’t know this unchanging God why not ask him into your life?

Learning From Open Doors

We all can learn from open doors. No door is so small or ordinary that they cannot be one of God’s open doors. The doors available to us can often confuse us. We think our work, our accomplishments, or our family should turn out a certain way, but unfortunately they seldom do.  But life depends less on which doors you go through – your expectations, your plans, or your desires than on how you go through them.

Open doors can reveal ourselves
In choosing doors wisely you must be an expert on you, but not in a selfish way. You need to be aware of how God has wired you, your interest, your values and skills. You also need to become aware of those parts of yourself that you wish most to avoid. Discerning open doors requires an awareness of the world inside of you. A lack of self- awareness is a crippling handicap that no amount of talent can overcome.

Strengths and weaknesses
If I’m going to understand which door God is likely to set before me I need to have some sense of what are my strengths, weaknesses and interests. Knowing these things will help prevent a lot of detours. Author Marcus Buckingham notes that your strengths are not simply what you’re good at and your weaknesses are not simply what your bad at. You’ll have some activities in your life that you might even be pretty effective at doing, but they drain you.

Marcus goes on… “What do you call that?  Something you’d been blessed with lots of ability to do well, but cursed with no appetite for it… You call that a weakness.  A weakness is any activity that leaves you feeling weaker after you do it. It doesn’t matter how good you are it and how much money you make doing it, if doing it drains you of energy, you’d be crazy to build your career around it.” ‘The Truth about You’ p.41

It is better to acknowledge that I walked through a wrong door than to spend the rest of my life in the wrong place. Ouch. The Apostle Paul said, “We are what he made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life” Ephesians 2:10 (NRSV).

The God who made you also made the doors for you to go through and the things for you to do.  Generally, he will give you not only the skills, but also the interest to do what he asks you to do over the long haul.

What's Behind Door #2?

Princeton philosopher Walter Kaufmann who coined the word ‘decidophobia’ says that human beings are afraid of making decisions. We don’t want the anxiety that goes along with the possibility of being wrong. Decisions can wear us out.

The other day I went to buy some blue jeans. I had to choose from loose fit, boot cut, relaxed fit, distressed, acid washed, stonewashed, preworn, straight cut, button fly, zipper fly… Choosing an entree can be so tough that restaurant wait staff help us feel good about our meal selection by saying, “great choice” to any entree decision we make.

Choosing thrills us and scares us.
God wants us to learn to choose. Maybe that’s why there is no chapter in the Bible devoted to “How to Know God’s Will for Your Life.” The Apostle Paul doesn’t write about “Steps to determine if he’s the one” or “five ways to discern God’s job for you.”

What we do see is “If any of you lack wisdom ask God and he will give generously and not hold back.” James 1:5 and “This is my prayer for you that your love may abound more in more in knowledge and depth of insight, so you may discern what is best.” Philippians 1:9-10 God wants us to be good choosers.

When I’m facing a choice and I want to find God’s will for my life I don’t need to ask which is God’s choice for my life, but rather I need to begin by asking for wisdom. We make decisions and then the decisions make us.

What I think, what I read, where I go, who I’m with what I do, how I work. Add up the 1.5 million little decisions we make in our lifetime and what we get is a life. We go through doors and we discover on the other side the person we’ve become.

The people who choose doors well, the Bible calls wise.
Not lucky. Not wealthy. Not successful. Wisdom in the Bible is not the same thing as having a high IQ or an advanced educational degree. Wisdom in the Bible is the ability to make great decisions.  

The biggest difference between people who flourish in life and those who don’t is not money, health, talent, connections or looks. It’s wisdom - the ability to make good decisions. Too often we don’t think to ask for wisdom until we’re facing a big decision. But Paul writes, “Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all.” Galatians 6:10

Every day we have open doors
Doors are everywhere. Choosing doors is always a process. I see opportunities identify options and learn. If I only wait for the big decisions to come my ability to choose will be underdeveloped. It’s good to practice ahead of time with everyday street wisdom before the Big Door decisions arrive and they will.

There is always an open door for us to choose! God provides open doors for us to make wise choices. Are you ready for that door? How will you discern which door to walk through and if it is from God?

Join us next time as we explore the myths about open doors.