Love Your Enemy

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all. Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He realized that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter. He concluded that you cannot at the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience, David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even

David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are, even if it's the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. 

Resentment and retaliation reduce us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm is done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave, David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when giving it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend. Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this, you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

 

Mistakes Were Made But Not by Me

I blew it; I never should have said that! Have you ever felt bad about something you’ve said or done and wish you could take it back? Sure you have. We all have. Sadly, I’ve said things to people that weren’t said in love. It might have been true, but it wasn’t said in the right way.

The timing of my rationalized, yet hurtful words was bad. The person was too emotionally raw to hear my words. If you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth and regretted it you know what I mean. We might think that our words were reasonable and completely justified. After all, the words were true, didn’t they 'get it' are they really that ‘clueless’?

Here’s the hard part for many. We might have had the right intention, but the impact of our words or actions was not what we hoped for.

Unfortunately, unkind words and actions have caused the end of personal relationships and strained international relationships as well. See James 3:5-10

It’s going to be hard now after what I’ve said. What can I do now to make things better? I can apologize and say, “I’m sorry.” It sounds easy, but why is it so hard for so many to say that? Maybe it’s because we don’t really think we made a mistake?

In the fascinating and well researched book, Mistakes Were Made, (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts the authors explore people’s strong need for self-justification and the serious consequences.

“Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up to the huge implications of their decisions when they screw up?  Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves?  Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson

This self deception is seen in the words from the British politician, Lord Molson (1903-1991), "I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come." See Jesus’ parable the Mote and the Beam.

Have you ever noticed some people have 20/20 vision for faults and flaws and misdeeds of others but, complete myopia when it comes to themselves? Not you, of course, but some people do.
It's somebody else who has the problem.

In other words, the truth is we don’t see our blind spots, but others do. Other people know. They talk about it with each other, but this is just true for all of us, part of the human condition. Like the garden of old we confidently find fault with others, not owning up to what’s ours’.

Why is it so easy to justify and rationalize after we’ve hurt others? Maybe deep down we think they deserve it and were not even aware of it. Maybe it has more to do with us and not them. It can be different.

The question is…Am I quicker to pass judgment on or gossip about other people than I am to see and feel the painful truth about myself?

Hopefully, upon honest reflection you come to the realization that you made a big mistake. What can you do? Here are two suggestions:
First, before you apologize you must acknowledge that you made a mistake. Don’t rationalize and self-justify. Secondly, when you screw up admit,”I’m sorry for hurting you, I made a mistake, will you forgive me? I need to understand what went wrong. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

In the final analysis the test of an individual’s integrity does not depend on being mistake free. It depends on what we do after making the mistake. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu observed more than twenty-five-hundred years ago:

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it.

We all need help. What about you? Why not join me this week with a decision. If somebody says something to you that's critical, instead of leaning away, defending or dismissing, try being more open and ask them to tell you more. That takes guts, but by God’s grace He can open our eyes to see more clearly the truth about ourselves.

I invite you to share any comments or suggestions about how we can do better by admitting our mistakes on this blog or by email.

The Power of Words

Last week we looked at how showing mercy can open the door to healing and redemption in a divisive world. The words we use can help restore broken relationships and improve our current ones.

Controlling our tongue is the one of the hardest things in life. Peter tells us, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” 1 Peter 3:10

A way to live in peace is to watch your words and your reactions to other’s words. 

We all regret things we’ve said? Part of managing our words in conversation is defining what we mean. Words don’t always mean the same thing to all people.  If one person says that’s bad, does that mean really bad or totally awesome? In difficult conversations define your words when necessary.

Words hurt. Words heal.
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

You can break a bone and it might take six weeks or a few months to heal, but some of you have been holding onto words for far too long. Emotional wounds take a whole lot longer to heal than physical wounds.

Our words can heal or tear down, delight, destroy, encourage or discourage. We can either compliment and encourage or destroy a relationship by our words.  Most of you know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to destroy someone that is so precious to you with your words unintentional or not.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19

Maturity grows when our concerns for others are greater than for ourselves.

God made us different and he did it on purpose. No one has the total picture and perspective on everything. You and I don’t have it all together, but we do need community. Despite our painful histories we need each other. God made it that way! 

God wants us to use our differences to enrich each other’s lives rather than to divide us. When we live out the six heart attitudes that we’ve been looking at in the last three blogs it will improve all of our relationships and reduce conflicts. Now, isn’t that what we all want and need?

A Better Way Than Getting Even

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all.  Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He came to the realization that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter.  He concluded that you cannot the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even
David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but to Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are,even if its' the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. Resentment and retaliation reduces us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when give it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.  Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9