Who Can You Trust?

Who can you trust? Hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash. You can increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships by knowing...

We can trust God
I know that seems cliché to some of you, but it helps us to trust others by trusting God. The concept of trusting God has been so trivialized, overly simplified and misunderstood that many have a skewed perspective on what it means to trust God.

Contrary to some, trusting God and others is not easy. Unfortunately, some have even stigmatized God by the bad examples of his followers. They’ve been given an inaccurate spin and developed their own presuppositions of what God is like or even if there is a God.

It’s not surprising that trusting God is a common theme of the Bible with the words trust, faith or belief used interchangeably from cover to cover. The Bible makes it very clear that trusting God is a response to who and what He does. 

To trust Him with our life is the result of his revealing Himself to us through creation, his mighty deeds, his Word, and his faithfulness to keep all his promises. God is not a man that He should lie (Heb.6:17-18) or repent. What a refreshing reminder considering the lack of truth telling today.

God never needs to make an excuse for what He has said or done.

The Bible goes on to say that it’s impossible to please God without faith (Heb.11:6). So, the Bible is clear that we cannot have a relationship with God without trust or belief (John 3:16). Who needs a dead religion when you can have an intimate trusting relationship that matters and will last forever?

Now hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash…Yet, God is all-together different, transcending the boxes we put Him in. God desires us. God has and still is relentlessly and passionately pursuing us even if we think otherwise.

God has initiated trust with us not the other way around. Trust implies a relationship. From the Hebrews’ backs against the wall at the Red Sea, to Daniel in the Lion’s den, to David and his slingshot, to Job’s suffering, God has not deserted His people and He never will. God has proven He is trustworthy.

Grappling and understanding God’s unfathomable love for us enables us to not only trust him but others as well.

“The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free, to be free to receive love from people and be grateful for all the signs of God’s presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond it’s’ boundaries.”  Henri Nouwen

Join us next time about trusting others.

The Perfect Match

Millions are inundated with the myth that there is a perfect match for them. Somewhere ‘out there’ is the perfect match for me, my true soul mate, the person who fits me like a glove, who fits my soul the way a key fits into a lock.

Every week over 30 million are on the elusive search for the perfect match. So, one turns over every stone or possible lead only to discover after an exhausting pursuit, ‘it just isn’t so.’ Then, after their empty pursuit many become pessimistic, “Where have all the good guys gone?” Some even come to a place of despair and hopelessness desperately wanting something or someone.

Our longings for someone is strong and the thought of our future can become painful. Many philosophers, theologians and psychologists have written that the soul cannot survive for long in a state of despair, but we find a way to manage it by resignation. Learning to accept the inevitability of our circumstances with serenity is a good course of action, although definitely not easy.

But resignation alone cannot sustain a life
The writer Ernest Hemingway (don’t let the romanticized Hemingway’s role in in the Midnight in Paris fool you) said, “Sooner or later, the world breaks everyone, and those who are broken are strongest in the broken places.”

Sometimes that is true
But sometimes people write nice things they hope to be true only to find they don’t help. Hemingway himself didn’t get stronger and ended his own life because his pain was too great.

But, there is always HOPE which is not based on circumstances, but rather in God.
Many hope for a lot of things, but the good news is that hope can be experienced. Hanging around hopeful people can really help too.  Yet, none of us can ensure that things will work out the way we want them to, but we can ask ourselves, ”How would the person I want to be face this situation?”

We might not be able to change our situation, but many of our situations are temporary and the person you are becoming will go on. You have to live with you. What are you going to do about your circumstance or better yet, who are you going to become through it?

Adversity can change your priorities about what really matters. Billy Bean, former GM of the Oakland Athletics, whose character was portrayed in the Academy Award nominated movie ’Money Ball’, decided his daughter was worth more than the highest paid GM in baseball (12M).

Disappointment and adversity can point us in a different direction.
While I was teaching a Bible study in a prison I met several who pointed themselves in a different direction. Their circumstance helped them see what was really important in life. A few were formerly rich and had traveled the world, but told me if they were to visit one more place before they die it wouldn’t be luxurious places, but rather their prison cell where they met God.

Hope points us beyond ourselves.
In a difficult world where at times it can seem that nothing is going up we may ask, “What’s going up for me?” One thing that can ‘go up’ in our lives is the opportunity for you and me to trust God. Our trust in God can always can go up! It isn’t easy, but it’s wide open because God’s grace and His love are always available!

For more about meaningful relationships check out our blogs on ‘Dating’

The Divine Romance

I’m struck by what I’ve just watched on the news. There are more deaths by ISIS, more racial tension, more shootings, more devastating fires and floods and political corruption. Life as usual. The broadcast ends with the smiling anchor saying, “Good night, we’ll see you tomorrow night.”

Good night? That’s it? After all you’ve just told us, it’s good night? It would be great if just once the anchor said with a deep breath, “Oh, God help us, we desperately need your help.”

We see someone we think has it all together, we wonder, how did he do it? Maybe if we read the same book he read, spent time with him, went to his church, things would come together for us as well. Really, what do we want? We want comfort and happiness, not bad news and reality.

We want to escape from… or be like…or have more…In the midst of very trying times the apostle Paul said, Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead. Be very careful how you live, not as unwise but as wise. Use your head. These are desperate evil times. Ephesians 5:14-16 

We are not in Eden, Mayberry or Disney World.
We live in the real world where life doesn’t go as we planned. People break our hearts and we do the same. In this broken fallen world is there something that can give us a deeper sense of sustaining hope? Yes.

Despite all the bad news that comes our way when we know we are truly loved we can continue on. When we know we are wanted and pursued by someone it gives us hope to hang in there. Because many of us have never felt so loved we have pursued lesser things that have left us numb and empty.

The good news is that God loves and pursues you.
Helen of Troy must have been something. Thousands were killed in the battles between Greece and Troy over who would get Helen. Would it be her husband Menalaus or Paris, Prince of Troy? Few have ever been so pursued.

Many have never been pursued or even noticed all their lives. Who has passionately pursued you in the right way?

In the movie The Last of the Mohicans, Nathaniel, raised by the Mohican Indians is in love with Cora, the daughter of a proud British Colonel. In one of the final scenes Cora, Nathaniel and others, are trapped behind a waterfall with a rival Indian tribe closing in.

Before Nathaniel jumps into the massive waterfall to escape he passionately tells Cora,
“just stay alive no matter what, do whatever you have to do and no matter where, no matter how long, no matter how far, I will find you.” In the climax he relentlessly pursued and rescued Cora.

God is saying the same thing to you. He believes you’re worth pursuing. The divine romancer will passionately come after you no matter where you are or how far you’ve gone! Even if you don’t want to be pursued He will not give up on you.

God could have given up on His love affair with mankind. He could have demanded our loyalty or made us love Him, but he didn’t. Thankfully, we don’t have to get God to love us by doing something right. There is nothing we need to do to make Him love us, because His love for us is not based on what we’ve done, but whose we are. We are His.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. I John 4:10

Before the foundations of the world God loved you and chose you to be in His family. Eph.1:15. He wanted you then and still does today. You are constantly on His heart. He will never forget you or get tired of you. His passionate love for you will never be exhausted. May His love for you always be your hope.

Too Busy To think About Us

Don Henley of the The Eagles wrote, "you're just too busy being fabulous, too busy to think about us." We are busy and Jesus was busy too, but His busyness didn't intentionally hurt others. He was in such high demand that at times he didn’t have time to eat. Sound familiar? All of us have times and seasons when we cannot avoid being busy. The more important question is what we are busy with and why?

Does our busyness hurt others? Here are few other realities we can learn from the life of Jesus.

Take Time Out
Because Jesus knew what was most important and how to prioritize He could say no. He also knew the importance of taking time out to be alone with God. There was a rhythm to the way He lived. Jesus would go away to a lonely place to pray and then re-engage in mission with those in need. He encouraged the apostles to do the same thing beckoning them in Mark 6:31 to “come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.”

If we’re not careful we can become so distracted and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre faith. I love what John Ortberg said, “If we want to follow someone, we can’t go faster than the one who is leading.”

Live Simpler
“He was born with nothing, lived with little and died with nothing. His simplicity was not accidental. He chose to live simply.” Richard Swenson

What Jesus said lacked value is precisely what the world chases – wealth, power, and status. Our life does not consist of the abundance of things we possess. Luke 12:15 If our busyness is a by- product of the material pursuit of trying to keep up with The Joneses contentment will be unattainable.

The Right Kind of Busy
There is a right kind busy. Some have called it a ‘holy busyness’ that is oriented towards God. Jesus’ life mission statement of “everything I do pleases the Father” (John 5:30) was reflected in everything He said and did. Hear the hard working words of the evangelist, church planter and manual laborer the apostle Paul:

No, I worked harder than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. 1 Corinthians 15:10. He knew his holy busyness came from the grace of God.

To this end I labor, struggling with all His energy, which so powerfully works in me. Colossians 1:29.

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God. 2 Corinthians 3:5  Strength and determination begins with God, not with what we do.  

Even as we look to the life of Christ for answers, we can see that having His priorities in order didn’t mean Jesus wasn’t busy. “Jesus often had much to do, but He never did it in a way that severed the life-giving connection between Him and the Father. Jesus never did it in a way that interfered with his ability to give love when love was called for” writes Ortberg.

There is a difference between being purposefully busy—the sort of busy that provides fulfillment and seeks to accomplish the good work we’ve been called to and being rushed, distracted, and weary.

Kevin DeYoung put this way, “The busyness that’s bad is not the busyness of work, but the busyness that works hard at the wrong things.” 

We can reduce our destructive busyness and develop a right kind of busy – one that shows love and compassion to those around us rather focusing on our personal to do lists. May our busyness reflect what’s most important by choosing the eternal over the temporal and taking hold of the promise of Jesus in Mathew 11:28, “Come onto me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”

What To Do You When You're Lonely?

There is epidemic of loneliness in the U.S.
Four out of ten Americans admit frequent feelings of intense loneliness. Loneliness has been described as: assuming others have it together, but you; taking inventory of your life and feeling you’ve made many wrong choices; you’re hurting, but no one understands your pain or it’s an aching to have someone to share your life with.

Webster’s simply says loneliness is ‘being without company.’ Countless hit songs from ‘Only the Lonely’ to, ‘Lonely, I’m so lonely’ provided plenty of income for song writers. There’s a reason millions related to the chorus of an old song from ‘A World without Love’
Please lock me away and don’t allow the day, here inside, where I hide with my loneliness

Many who experience loneliness are careful not to let people know they are. Millions think that their loneliness will go away by finding someone to take it away and so the search begins. The reasoning goes like this, ‘when’ I’m in a relationship or ‘when’ I get married then I won’t be lonely anymore.

Unfortunately, many lonely hearts pursue the countless online offers that exploit their need for companionship. The pursuit takes a lot of your time and it can be utterly empty. For millions when their fantasy of thinking that someone will take away their loneliness does not become a reality they become so pessimistic that they don’t believe that a good relationship is even possible. Not true.

Regardless of your relationship status taking another look at loneliness can help us all, it might even change your life perspective. There are a lot of reasons why people feel lonely and I’m sure you could provide a list of the many empty and dissatisfying things people do when they’re feeling lonely. Too many make poor decisions when they’re lonely. When you feel lonely what do you do and where do you go?

Many think that loneliness is a solvable problem and all they need to do is find the key, a person, and it will be solved once and for all. So, I’ll find someone to solve my loneliness and the search is on. No wonder 40 million go on line each week searching for their some kind of wonderful. Remember the scene from Jerry McGuire when Jerry’s girlfriend said, “Jerry, you can’t be alone; you’ve never been alone…” Many believe the same thing about themselves.

Yet, there is a difference between aloneness and loneliness.
Aloneness is the physical state of being separated from others.

All of us regardless of our relational status experience a sense of aloneness and yearn for relationships. Yet, loneliness is not dependent upon the lack of people in our lives. We can still feel lonely in a crowd.

Extroverts can laugh and be around people constantly and still be a member of the lonely hearts club. For introverts aloneness can be less intimidating, but have a greater risk of isolation and subjective introspection. Alone could simply mean, “I’m alone right now, no big deal, I have friends, family and co-workers…”
Loneliness is an emotional state of feeling disconnected from others.

Whatever the cause loneliness has very little to do with being single. Some of the loneliest people are married. Loneliness is not solved my marriage. Saying ‘I do” does not solve loneliness or guarantee intimacy. A study of 3,400 married couples by the University of Michigan revealed that 65% are profoundly unhappy and 70% said they wouldn’t marry the same person. While that survey may reflect today’s ‘selfie’ culture, it is what it is.

The problem is we have unspoken assumptions about loneliness. We attach meaning and the consequences to loneliness, don’t we? Much of our perception of loneliness comes from our unfortunate dysfunctional upbringing and from societal assumptions from popular culture, like…

I am unlovable. I am undesirable. I am a social failure. I am a bad person. Nobody could ever want to be with me. I am not a whole person unless I have a partner or spouse. I just can’t be alone. I deserve a relationship. I have to have some romantic relationship in my life. I’ll settle for bad love than no love at all. What would you add to the list?

Join us next time for some practical answers to what you need to do when you’re lonely?

Busting Myths About Romance and Intimacy

Thanks for engaging with last week's blog. Based upon the response I thought you all might benefit from another blog about singleness. According to the 2010 U.S. Census 52% of the US adult population are not married. Because most people will be single either due to death, divorce or choice this subject matter is culturally relevant to all of us.

Today, like it or not, Americans are becoming more like Europeans and are not getting married by choice. Co-habitation is up over 500% over the last decade and the average age of first time marriages are the oldest ever in American history. If you’re married and you think this subject is not for you please think about those you care about who are not married or perhaps consider your own kid’s welfare.

To have the best possible relationships you and your friends could benefit by knowing the myths of romance and intimacy. Myths like:  thinking that someone will meet your fundamental intimacy needs, someone will make you happy and will take away your loneliness... How is loneliness different from aloneness? 

Intimacy is not marriage, it's not a destination, it's not a plateau  or a destination. Intimacy is more about direction than arrival... Last week’s blog ‘Is it Better to be Married or Single?’ and this blog and their audio links recorded 'live' at Woodmen Valley Chapel are worth your time. To listen to this life changing message click here.

Your comments are most welcome.

With Gratitude,

Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com