You Can Help Others

As we saw in our previous blog Don Ritchie saved lives. He didn’t seek or need recognition. He didn’t bother to keep a record of it. Some of those he helped did not even say thank you. Don’t forget, ten lepers were healed by Jesus, but only one bothered to return with gratitude. But, make no mistake, Jesus will remember and even reward our every effort made in his name.

In our busy world, we want to schedule everything around our calendars. To be sure, organizing and finding balance in our lives is important. However, I’ve noticed that the most meaningful encounters are in unscheduled moments. Our scheduled busy lives can get in the way of being present in people’s lives. We get distracted far too easily.

Weapons of mass distraction
We surround ourselves with diversions – busy entertaining distractions are everywhere. Os Guinness said, “We modern people are not only surrounded by diversions we are mesmerized by them, and we rarely let our minds to think beyond them.”

With all the noise in this world who can hear anything, especially someone crying out for help. Far too many tell themselves, ‘I will engage with that person ‘later’ when it’s convenient or when I have more time, I will reach out to them.’ Sound familiar?

The ministry of presence trusts and celebrates God’s work in people
God knows a person’s whole story, and he doesn’t give up on anyone. We, on the other hand, can give up on people. It is a natural aspect of our fallen nature to judge and condemn instead of loving and helping other people.

In spite of all the havoc, Saul of Tarsus wrecked on the early church. Barnabas went to Troas to look for Saul and when he found him, he brought him to Antioch (Acts 11:25-26) Saul was public enemy number one for the early church. Yet Barnabas trusted in God’s work in Saul’s life and he even took the initiative to “look for” Saul in his hometown.

Whom are you looking for? Who are the people who society, even the church, may have given up on or forgotten? Yes, our support of someone may involve accountability, but it should also be marked by compassion. I thank God for the friends who believed in God’s work in my early walk with Christ.

Your presence doesn’t require an official prerequisite
After Don Ritchie’s fifty years of practicing being present for others at the Gap, most if not all of Don’s award recognitions occurred in his eighties.

“My ambition has always been to just get them away from the edge, to buy them time, to give them the opportunity to reflect and give them the chance to realize that things might look better the next morning.” Don Ritchie

Don sought opportunities to show up at the right moment. Don shows us that anyone can make a difference! Unfortunately, too many people ignore loved ones or family members who are clearly in mental anguish. They do not know what to say, so they say and do nothing. This is a huge mistake.

You may not be an expert, but your care and compassion are essential. Your presence is needed. Over time many believers have discovered that they cannot just quote a bible verse to someone who is in trouble, they also need to be present in their lives at that moment. The Bible is powerful to be sure, but it is most powerful and effective when it is experienced in the context of relationships.

According to psychologist Larry Crabb, when someone is experiencing mental and emotional trauma, non-experts are just as important as experts in the healing equation. Crabb’s research over the years compared the effectiveness of professional therapists to lay counselors and found that lay counselors are generally as effective as professional therapists for the most common problems.

The importance of his point is not that therapists are ineffective or are unimportant, but rather, everyday people need to know that they can help when friends and family face problems. As a pastor, I’ve met hundreds of parents and friends who regret that they did nothing when a loved one was paralyzed in the quicksand of a crisis.

We can learn from the example of Don Ritchie. You don’t need prepared remarks, but a compassionate listening heart. Don Ritchie asked a simple question with a smile, “Can I help you in some way?”

You can say that too! Now, go ahead…

 

Give Gifts That People Really Need

 

Too many of us have unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be or what it was once and maybe even a sentimental view of the manger. Let’s look at the Christmas story from a different perspective.

I heard once, “If Jesus was at my family’s Christmas he wouldn’t be so optimistic about loving people.” During this season we encounter all kinds of different people. In the Christmas story, there were…

Disappointed people
Zechariah and Elizabeth faithfully served God the best they knew how. Elizabeth was old and barren in an age when being without children was considered a curse or perhaps worse yet, it was because of something you did to displease God.

Perhaps a strained relationship as well. When the priest Zechariah was told by the angel that his wife would have a child Zechariah’s natural response was, “How can I be sure of this, my wife and I are too old and worn out.” As a result of Zechariah’s unbelief, he did not speak until his son John was born.

Stressed out people
All is calm, all is bright. Really? Mary was probably around thirteen when she was pregnant and told Joseph that the father was the Holy Spirit. Joseph: Would you repeat that, please… Needless to say, he didn’t believe her. Are you really going to stay with that story, Mary? Joseph wanted to spare Mary public disgrace and humiliation and planned to quietly divorce her. There was a scandal in Galilee.

Then Joseph was visited by an angel and changed his mind about divorcing Mary and told her that we should just go ahead and get married anyway. They came from a very strict religious place, not unlike where some of us lived. 

They were a poor couple who were financially strapped during tax season and now they're on a difficult long journey with no place to stay. Joseph didn’t even think to call ahead and book the cheapest B&B or Motel 6.

Unsavory people
How many people have ‘The Great’ tacked on after their name like Herod? Paranoid about losing his power to a prophesied Jewish King, Herod ordered the murder of all the boys in Bethlehem who were two years and under. 

Warned by an angel Joseph and Mary took Jesus and fled to Egypt to live in a foreign place with a radically different culture and language and where the locals didn’t really want them around. If they took the Stress Test today they would be off the charts.

Strange and despised people
The Magi were Persians who looked very different than those living in Palestine. They believed in astrology which was strictly forbidden for the Jews. Then there were the dishonest and despised shepherds. If you were a good Jew you didn’t want your daughter hanging out with these guys.

Jesus lived in a world with plenty of people like the ones mentioned, but he gave them love anyway. This Christmas you can give better gifts that people really need.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

The first gift you can give to the difficult people in your life is…
The gift of grace
Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery, “Where are your accusers? There are none Lord, “Neither do I condemn you...” For the son of man came not to condemn the world, but to save it.” John 3:17

There is no one in your life who doesn’t need grace. Everybody needs grace. You might think someone doesn’t deserve grace and you know what, they don’t, but God gives it anyway. Only God knows what they deserve. A lot of times we don’t know their backgrounds and wounds. 

We all have certain leanings, some of us have a high capacity for gratitude, and others of us are constantly whining, but Jesus is full of grace to all of us. Are you? The second gift is...

The gift of truth
Jesus was full of grace, but not just grace. He was also full of truth. Grace without truth isn’t enough to grow in. Jesus was full of grace but also full of truth. It’s really hard to speak the truth sometimes. We might think we’re really good at telling someone the truth.

We can simply share the truth and a person will change. Wow, I really needed that I’m going to change right now. Yet, when we're face to face with someone we struggle with the right words to say.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15 The third gift is…

The gift of time
Time is a precious commodity. Some think one conversation will be enough to persuade a person to change. We’re impatient, we want to microwave people. I had one conversation with ______and he didn’t change, what’s the deal?

Jesus tells this great story. There’s this guy who sees a fig tree that looked dead and said, “Let’s cut it down?” The gardener says, “No not yet, give it another year, fertilize and prune it, I’m still working on this tree.” Of course, the gardener (Jesus) is still at work in those whom we might write off.

There have been people in your life for which you’ve tried to help several times and you finally came to a point of actually giving up on them. But you’re not in charge of them. God is working on that tree. He’s working on your tree. 

All you can bring to the table is you. The only heart you can bring to the table is yours. The question is will you bring grace, truth, and time to them? It’s a lot easier to think about it than do it.

Maybe you’re not a grace, truth, and time person, but you can be a conduit for it if you start with this Christmas letting God love you.

Israel was living in a very stressful time in their history and they weren’t sure if they were loved. I can’t really love if I don’t I know I have more than enough love coming my way. God says to them, ‘Even if a mom would forget her child I could never forget you. I love you too much…Your name is engraved in the palm of my hand.’ Isaiah 49:14-15

That was what Jesus did in his life, He showed love to the disappointed people, stressed-out people, unsafe people, embarrassed people, all the difficult people in his life and he gave them grace, truth, and time. Then he went to a cross and stretched out his hands and allowed the cruel spikes to pierce his hands and your name got engraved in his palm.

You see, there are a lot of people who don’t know they’re loved. This could be a Christmas unlike any other. Maybe your pain is so deep; your emotions are so raw you have no idea where to start to love others the way Jesus did. God knows this.

You don’t have to figure out what to do or say. All you have to do is bring your heart to God right now and ask Him to help you let go of your bitterness, resentment, fear, the anxiety that’s been keeping you in your own prison. Help us God to acknowledge that our peace does not come from within ourselves, but from you, for you are our peace.

Merry Christmas

The Shepherd Is In Your Valley

There is a swinging pendulum of opinions about safety, opening back up or shutting back down, COVID testing, PPE, equality, social justice and, a lot more. It’s no surprise that worry and fear is a reasonable response to what’s happening in our world. 

Recently, I’ve talked with several pastors and they say that the common thread among their churches is anxiety and fear. They’re not worried about their health and safety, so much as they are about job security and this month’s bills, rent or mortgage? Will their kids go to school in the fall? Are my savings at risk? Should we cancel vacations and business trips and not visit older loves ones.

The non-stop angry divisiveness and violence in our country fosters even more anxiety. The list of anxieties is long, but they’re not new. All of us have experienced anxiety, disappointment, and grief. If we're honest we’ve also felt lost before for a variety of reasons, in not knowing what to do or where to go or who to talk to.

Being lost is not just a GPS malfunction
Too many know what it means to be disconnected, discounted, diminished, or demeaned. Life has many dark valleys through which we must walk. When we do feel lost, we need someone to show us the way back home. A good shepherd will leave the ninety-nine sheep to find the lost one.  

In the winter shepherds in mountainous areas usually keep their sheep at home. There's usually a fenced area where they can graze and where they are fed grain. But when the snows subside in the mountains, it is then that the shepherds take their flocks and move with the snowmelt up the mountain, there finding fresh pasture land, eventually moving up to the timberline. Above the timberline, there are all types of pastures that are green and fresh. The air is clean. The water is clear.

In the summer shepherds usually won't even go home. They'll just sleep out with their sheep at night. It’s shepherd's responsibility to care for them, to know the canyons and the valleys, to scout them out, to know where the dangers are, and to pick the path that, while still dangerous is the safest path of all.

The shepherd protects the sheep from predators and provides their nourishment
If a lamb deliberately walks away, the shepherd searches near and far to get that lamb back. He’ll use his staff to redirect the sheep who get off course. A shepherd notches the ear of a lamb born to his flock because he has rightful ownership of it. They are His.

To the shepherd, the sheep are not just a number, but a face, a name and, a story. The Good Shepherd knows your name, your life and He knows what’s best for you. He’s proven Himself and is worthy of your trust.

We all have deep, dark valleys of our own experiences and we don't all call them by the same name. Make your own list. What are those things that you fear? It doesn't take any of us long to come up with a list of what could happen.

Here’s the deal: What I need to do is what we all need to do: trust the shepherd.
The Lord is God, he is in charge, and he is in control. He knows things that we would never be able to know. He's close. He understands. He has it all figured out. He is greater than the greatest difficulty. He is more powerful than the deepest and the darkest of your valleys.

He's there with you even when it’s so dark you can’t see. The Lord will do the job that a shepherd is supposed to do. He will do what he is capable of doing and he promises that he will be with you and never leave you. He will find you and take you home with Him. If you’ve been wounded or sick, He’ll pick you up and carry you all the way home.

In Psalms 23, notice the personal pronouns of "I" walk through the valley…"My" shepherd. "You" are there. It is one-on-one with God. The Good Shepherd is always there with you. He sticks closer than the best of friends.

When you walk through that dark deep valley, be sure to be the Lord's sheep, to claim him as your shepherd, to trust him alone to get you through. When he is so trusted, he who is always there will be with you even until the ends of the earth.

The Angel's Song

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people.
Luke says this good news is for the ‘all the people.’ The angel did not appear to the wealthy, the political or the religious, but to shepherds. In our day we think of shepherds in sentimental terms, humble guys that everybody would want to be around, but Jesus' day they were at the very bottom of the social structure. You've heard people say, "She cusses like a sailor." In those days there was a saying, "He lies like a shepherd." 

Fairly or unfairly, the character of a shepherd was not highly regarded. Shepherds tended to be socially inept, hygienically-challenged, and culturally reviled. The work was dirty and dangerous and typically they had few other work options. If you were a good Jew you didn’t want your daughter to marry a shepherd.  

They were not even allowed to testify in court. If you were accused of a crime and the only alibi was that you’re playing cards with a few shepherds you were hosed and there was nothing you could do. They didn’t even own the sheep. So, when angel came to bring good news to all people, he demonstrated it by starting at the bottom. It had nothing to do with who they were.

Luke tells us that, a great company of angels appeared with the angel praising God and saying “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:13-14

Peace means a lot of things to a lot of people. What does peace mean to you? It usually means the end of something—the end of a war; the end of non-stop crying; the end of a heart-wrenching dispute.

What kind of peace are the angels referring to?

Is there a promise here of any of the above? No, not really. All those are at best temporary forms of peace. Wars will break out again. Babies will cry again. Relationships will go sideways. The peace that only the Messiah can bring is a personal, permanent kind of peace.

Those on whom His favors rest are those who understand and embrace this truth. God is offering us peace in our relationships. I'd like to promise you that this Christmas and beyond you can have peace in all your relationships. But I can't promise that. The Bible doesn't promise it either

We all know people that seem to thrive on conflict. If they don't have any, they can create some on the spot. People and groups of people who are so filled with selfish interests and hate that they think nothing of taking for themselves what belongs to another. It is wishful thinking to believe that we will never experience interpersonal conflict or be free from conflict.

We have the capability to not being that kind of person or that kind of group. If we are at peace with God and at peace with ourselves; it’s amazing how much that will improve our ability to be at peace with others. In other words, our level of internal peace affects our ability to experience relational peace.

We are bombarded with messages that promise we'll know peace if we buy the right products, attend the right course, get the right job, the right relationship. Others convince us peace is found only in independence, never being committed to anyone or anything. The peace that the world offers is temporary at best and fatal at worst—that we fail to believe the peace proclaimed by the angels and promised by Jesus himself.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.  John 14:27

We often think of peace as a being without trials and troubles—the absence of pain and suffering and heartache. That kind of peace, while nice, cannot be sustained. Not in this world. So, we need a peace that transcends circumstance; that allows us to rise above the urgency of the immediate, having a clear head and a peaceful heart in the midst of the chaos that defines daily life. That's part of what the angels' song is about and why Jesus said.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.   John 16:33

May you embrace and share God’s Shalom!

Don't Miss the Moment

German theologian Martin Buber said, “There is something that can only be found in one place. It is a great treasure, which may be called the fulfillment of existence. The place where this treasure can be found is the place on which one stands.”

Yes, the treasure of being present and alive today.
And yet, why do so many of us feel there is some kind of deficiency in us? Like, we’re not where we should be, or even wish to be or we’re not achieving or doing enough.  We’re not successful enough. We’re not smart enough. We’ve haven’t done or gone to ________yet.

Blaise Pascal wrote, "By means of a diversion we can avoid our own company 24 hours a day." But it's not just diversion. It's a kind of relentless pursuit of something elusive as if life is always just around the corner from where we are NOW. Many don't know what they want in life, but they’re sure they haven't got it, at least not yet. Maybe it's a new location, a new job, a new relationship?

Jackson Browne talked about this "empty pursuit" in a song "The first time I went on my own, when the roads were as many as the places I had dreamed of and my friends and I we’re one."  Yet in a later song called "Running on Empty," he says, "I look around for the friends that I used to turn to, to pull me through; looking into their eyes, I see them running, too."

If we can just find ‘IT’ or that relationship then we’ll be happy. It is as if we live with an expectation that life should be a certain way or we should… I'm all for living in the present moment, just not this one.  And yet, as Buber said "The great treasure of a fulfilled life is in the ground where we stand."

Martin Buber asked,“Where is the dwelling of God?" Then he answered his own question,“God dwells wherever man lets Him in.” This is the ultimate purpose: to let God in. We can let Him in not only as our God, maker, savior and friend, but in where we stand today in the moment.

Have we lost the ability to savor the ordinary moments? A few days ago due to a temporary handicap (crutches) I was riding an electric shopping cart in the grocery store with my son who suffers every day with chronic pain from Crohn's Disease. That seemingly insignificant experience brought a joyful and grateful heart for the simpler things in life that we take for granted every day, like good health.

You can be in the present moment when you let God in. For millions the hope for better health and healing can mean a whole lot more than several trips to your favorite vacation place.

We can easily miss divine opportunities that come our way.
They can be in the most unexpected places and times. Those great ‘treasure moments’ can be in the simplest encounters. In a conversation with the grocery store checker or the person you’re sitting next to in the doctor’s office or with a stranger at the DMV.

This world is a pretty messed up place and it can mess with our expectations we have of life. We all know that. We need to slow down and appreciate the people right in front of us.   

Today, more than ever we need sanctuaries of care, places where we can feel safe and loved. But, we also need to be that place of refuge for friends, families and strangers. That treasured place is YOU where God can dwell and be seen by others.

               

Is The American Dream the Promised Land?

We all have dreams and over time our unrealized dreams can seem distant and unattainable, maybe even impossible?
 
The long wait can bring us to a place of desperation and we may wonder does anyone care about my situation or about me? Although our dreams might be altruistic to us, but where do our dreams come from or for whom are our dreams for?

For a variety of reasons many have been confused between the biblical ‘Promised Land’ and the ‘American Dream.’ Over the centuries many have thought that America was the Promised Land, a land flowing with milk and honey, a place of fulfilled promise, a place of opportunity. For many it has been and can be.

The biblical Promised Land narrative is often related to the immigrant story in the founding of the United States.  Our forefathers rightly envisioned America as a land of religious freedom, opportunity, hope, and the pursuit of happiness from which we benefit today.

The idea that America is a kind of Promised Land is understandable, yet many people inside or outside the church have mistaken America for the biblical Promised Land. For many the view that America is the Promised Land of ultimate opportunity has become a pretext for the American entitlement of happiness.

If we think that we are entitled to happiness then we should get what we want when we want it and maybe for free. 
Could it be that this perception of the entitlement of the American Dream has shaped American's identity, lifestyle and vocation more than anything else? Our consuming habits can be just another step toward the Promised Land.

As Mark Labberton said, “The intertwining of Promised Land assumptions and consumer opportunities easily becomes a powerful economic, social and spiritual engine. Promised Land hopes fires American consumerism, and puts the “buyer” in the controller’s seat with expectations and demands, largely for personal ends.”

This approach makes pragmatic sense if you believe you’re in the Promised Land and assume it exists merely for your benefit, so you simply take what’s available, which is what you see everybody else doing. This can be seen in the cheapened view of relationships today in discarding a relationship for a new and improved one. It's my right to have... 

The concept of the Promised Land is a strong narrative in the Hebrew Scriptures.
The premise of the Promised Land defined Israel’s identity, but it was not meant to be a place to simply pluck God’s benefits. It was rather where God’s people were to thrive in the grace of ‘living out the call’ to be God’s people. Israel’s blessing from ‘the land flowing with milk and honey’ was the encouragement along the path of living according to God’s ways, not because they were entitled to it.

Our lives are not lived out in the midst of idealism, but in the midst of the real world as it is.A secular Promised Land spirituality expects it all and expects it now. Another Promised Land mythical assumption is to avoid hardships and separate ourselves from experiences of pain and leave suffering behind and move into our rightful blissful place. Escaping pain is neither reality nor God’s way.

Jesus says to all His disciples, “Take up your cross and follow me.” If we want to truly follow Him we need to start where we are, not where we wished we were whether it’s at work, home or in our neighborhood. As Christ followers we are to follow Him and live according to God’s ways regardless of what that may include.

Rest assured in knowing that there will ultimately be a Promised Land for Christ followers when, "There will be no more pain and no more sorrow and He will wipe away every tear."
Revelation 21:4

Good News For Everyone

The recent tragic news of the SoCal fires and mass shootings has left many of us feeling weary. No doubt, there is plenty of domestic and international bad news to go around. The world has more than enough trouble. Trouble at the border, trouble in Washington, financial trouble, and relational trouble. As Bob Dylan once said, “There’s trouble, nothing but trouble.”

It was into a world of trouble when God interrupted a lowly group of shepherds thousands of years ago.

An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.“ But the angel said to them, 'Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord”  Luke 2:10-11

Unfortunately many have missed this good news along the way. The birth of Christ has been glossed over with every imaginable marketing plug, Santa, jingle bells, cute sayings, decorations and debt. Or maybe we’ve unintentionally been too busy getting prepared for the season or getting through it.

But Christmas is a story of contrasts.  

As Luke says this good news is for the ‘all the people.’ You see God intended it for all, but it only makes sense and is only accessible for those who realize they need this good news.

The good news was proclaimed in such an unforgettable dramatic way it radically interrupted the shepherd's daily routine. What does it take for God to interrupt you to get your attention? Is it an illness, a broken relationship, a broken heart or dream, the loss of a loved one?

Why did God reveal the good news to the shepherds? It had nothing to do with who they were. The shepherds were the bottom rung of Jesus’ day; they were those you didn’t want your daughter to marry. They had no position or reputation and didn’t even own the sheep. Don’t you love it? God came to those who others sized up as insignificant, but not God!

Maybe we're not aware of it, but we’re like the shepherds. Yes, you and I.
The Apostle Paul spoke to the Corinthians about God’s utterly amazing grace that was given freely to those who responded to God’s good news.

Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth…He chose the lowly things of this world to confound the wise. I Corinthians 1:26, 28

During this busy Christmas season slow down to reflect upon ‘the greatest news ever proclaimed.'

A Better Way Than Getting Even

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all.  Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He came to the realization that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter.  He concluded that you cannot the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even
David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but to Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are,even if its' the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. Resentment and retaliation reduces us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when give it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.  Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9