Getting Clarity in Decisions

A young naval Ensign had proven his skills to his Captain and was looking forward to the day when he would successfully take the giant destroyer out of the dock and out into the open sea. Finally, the day arrived, and Ensigwas enthusiastically and quickly barking out orders to the crew with a flurry of hurried activities.

Another officer came to the Ensign to give him a radio report from the Captain. The Ensign thought it was kind of odd to receive a radio report from the Captain when he could have just come to him personally. Here was the radio message:

Congratulations on your excellent departure from the dock in record time. You did everything according to proper procedure and in fact, you broke a record, but there is one thing I want to bring to your attention, and that is, always before you depart make sure the Captain is on board.”

Sometimes our lives are like that. We got the procedures down, but we forget to make sure our Captain is on board. There are a lot of smart people who have a lot of knowledge but have a hard time applying it to their lives.

The speed of information today is utterly mind-blowing. With a simple click, we can know something anywhere in the world within seconds. We hear a lot of voices and have plenty of information about a lot of things, but what do we do with it?

What is knowledge and what is wisdom?
Unfortunately, there is not a direct correlation between knowledge and wisdom. Webster’s definition of wisdom says ‘Wisdom is accumulated philosophic or scientific learning, the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships.’

We all need wisdom. Wisdom is meant to be practical, not theoretical. Wisdom doesn’t mean you know more, but it’s what you do with what you know. 

The Hebrew word for wisdom is used to describe a skill to work, expertise, experience. The Apostle Paul said the Athenians prided themselves in their ‘deeper’ Greek philosophy of superior wisdom by saying, “They spend their time doing nothing, but talking and listening to the latest new ideas.” Acts 17:2

Wisdom does not necessarily have anything to do with age.
The book of Proverbs tells us that wisdom is developed by the choices you make and is dependent upon our heart’s willingness to grow. If you want to grow and make the wisest decisions in your life then seek God’s wisdom. Peter tells us,

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:5-8

How Long Is Too Long to Wait?

One of the biggest frustrations with waiting is how long things seem to take. We’ve all waited for justice, recognition, that long-awaited letter or call from a loved one or for a relationship to heal. Whether we recognize it or not, waiting is a constant in our lives.  At any given moment we’re all waiting for something or someone.

Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality and an on-demand urgency in everything from meals to work to traffic even our relationships. We want what we want and we want it yesterday. In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a relatively short time.

Tolstoy said, “The strongest of all warriors are these two, time and patience.” Yet so often we give away our strength in favor of immediacy. Perhaps instead of asking “How long should we wait”, the more important question is, “Can we wait?” Or more specifically, “What happens if we don’t wait?”

Like Abram, we can get pretty tired of waiting for that something to happen. Ten years after God had promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations he was still childless and he lamented to God about his situation. In Genesis 15:1-6 God told Abram, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Now, that’s an amazing promise.

Yet, it wasn’t too long after this promise that a bewildered Abram lapsed in faith with a little help from his wife Sarai. What’s going on, how on earth is God going to fulfill his promise? There must be a way God, it’s been years of waiting with no visible results. 

As was the custom of the day and certainly not God-inspired, Sarai suggests a short-cut and adamantly begs her husband, “Go sleep with my handmaiden and we can build a family through her.”  Maybe Abram thought, that sounds good to me, sure why not?

Sarai made her own plan that seemed good to her and plus it was acceptable to her culture. Sound familiar? Abram could of, should of, but he didn’t. If Sarai thought Lot gave them a whole lot of problems, she had no idea the radical impact of her decision would have upon her own family and centuries to come.

They couldn’t wait and took matters into their hands. Gosh, that sounds way too familiar for all of us.

For 13 years both of them told everybody that God blessed their decision. The child Ishmael was the promised one, the heir apparent, and the fulfillment of God’s promise. Then something happened that rocked their world that changed their names and lives forever.

Twenty-five years after God’s promise in Genesis 12:1-4 God visits Abram and tells him that He is now going to fulfill His promise. (Gen.17:1-18) Abram can’t believe it, are you kidding me, we’re in our nineties? Abram cries out, “Oh that Ishmael might live.” Can you hear the pain in that statement? Don’t you see God I want this so bad I’ve been telling everyone in my family and friends… Don’t you see this is how it’s supposed to be? This looks really bad for me now.

God’s responded, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Gen.17:19) Aren’t you glad that despite our many failings God faithfully fulfills His promises! They are not dependent upon us, but upon God’s faithfulness to keep His word!

Waiting on the Lord is essential to growing in our faith journey. May we learn from Abraham that running ahead of God and creating and trusting our own resources can create problems for us and those we love and we can miss God’s best. God helps us. We need His help! 

The good news is that there is more to Abraham’s life journey than this lapse of faith that we can learn from and apply.

Questions for personal reflection and conversation:
Like Abram and Sarai have you been waiting for something for such a long time that you are taking matters into your own hands? Was that effective and where has that gotten you in the past?

What or who can help you to know that God loves and cares about you and has only the best in mind for you?  It’s never too late to change course despite your circumstances and deepen your trust in God’s faithfulness! 

Read: Psalm 62:5-8; Isaiah 64:4; I Peter 5:7

Simeon's Song of Waiting

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall. Every day when she looks out, she sees an old Jewish man praying vigorously. So, the journalist goes down and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, "You come every day to the wall. How long have you done that, and what are you praying for?" The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and then for the brotherhood of man. I go home, have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth."

The journalist is amazed. "How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these things?" she asks. The old man looks at her sadly. "Like I'm talking to a wall."

Simeon was another devout Jewish man who had been waiting for years to see Israel’s Messiah. Now there was a man in Jerusalem called Simeon, who was righteous and devout. He was waiting for the consolation (comfort) of Israel. Luke 2:2 He was part of a community of faithful people in Israel who were patiently waiting and keeping the hope alive that their Messiah would come.

We all have waited for somethingSimeon waited for decades, but if he had given up on waiting he would have missed the moment God had ordained. I don’t know how long you will have to wait for something, but what does matters is who you are becoming while you are waiting. Like Simeon, we hope for a new day or a new beginning. Over six hundred years before Simeon the prophet Isaiah encouraged Israel with these words.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.    Isaiah 43:19

Since we all need hope and comfort in our lives then we’ll want to learn from Simeon’s song of redemption. God entered human history to bring light to a very dark and broken world through the birth of His son. God invaded our world to occupy the human heart. He does not need our money, looks, talent, connections, clout or fame. Those things just kind of get in the way.

In ‘Mary’s Magnificant she sang, “He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty.” Luke 1:53 You see humility is honesty. God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. 1 Peter 5:8 We don’t have anything to give Him that He needs, but he does want to occupy our heart and once he does He desires to take up more territory.

God kept His promise that he would send the Messiah.When you place your hope in God’s faithfulness to keep His promises you’ll discover that what’s important is who you are becoming while you wait. 

Billy Graham was interviewed about his new book ‘Nearing Home’ and was asked, “What has been the biggest surprise of your life?”Billy’s response, ”Growing old has been the greatest surprise of my life. I’ve been told how to die as a Christian, but no one told me how to grow old.”

When Billy’s wife died she what she chose to put on her gravestone had nothing to do with all her remarkable achievements, it had to do with the fact that as long as we live God will be working on us while we wait.

In this life we all wait, we're all under construction.
Don’t lose heart, don’t give up! The glorious invasion of earth by the Lord Jesus that began two thousand years ago is not done, it continues. He’ll occupy more hearts and homes and we get to be part of it!

Will you sing a song of redemption along with Simeon while you wait, one that is filled with hope in the promises of God? As we learned from our four songs of winter sung over the centuries, God’s greatness and His undeserved grace are big enough to meet our needs!


We have much reason to sing even in the winters of our discontent.God sent His Son as prophesied and because he has proven Himself faithful to keep His promises He will come again as he said! While we wait may we proclaim His grace and peace to those around us this season and every day. If you haven’t made room for Him ask Him to occupy your heart and you’ll finally really come home.

Zachariah's Song

Songs can leave an impact upon us. Songs can change things. Most of us sing when things are going great, but what if they’re not, can we still sing? In the last blog we saw that Mary could sing after receiving very overwhelming news.

When you love someone you might want to sing to them. Sometimes parents sing silly songs to their young children. I used to sing Sinatra’s ‘I’ve Got You Under My Skin’ to my young daughter Sara as we danced and I held her in my arms. Over the years it became ‘our’ song.

Were all marked by songs aren’t we? Certain songs stand out when were celebrating or grieving. Some songs bring back memories or can bring us to tears. Zechariah sang a song from the depths of his heart that had to with his son John the Baptist and hope of Israel. 

Imagine the old Jewish priest Zechariah singing to his son John? Maybe John like my daughter would say, ”Sing it again dad, sing it again.” Maybe Jesus would tell his mom, “Sing it again mom, please.”

Maybe while John was growing up Zechariah told his son, “Your heavenly father might ask you some day to do something really hard?” We know that John’s mission “to prepare the way of the Lord” was not an easy one, especially when your diet includes eating honey and locusts.

Miraculously (both well beyond childbearing) Zech’s wife gave birth to their son John and they were both very excited to say the least! At his birth Zech broke out into his celebrative song, Zechariah was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied:  “Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has come and has redeemed his people.” Luke 1:67-68

Notice Zech’s three words about Israel’s long awaited Messiah, ‘He has come’ Jn.1:1-4,14

Therefore the Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and will call him Immanuel (God is with us) Isaiah 7:14.

After years of waiting, God’s divine visitation had ‘finally’ come to Israel just as God had promised! Israel had been wondering when their God would speak again? After four hundred years of silence since the prophet Malachi spoke God fulfilled His promise as he said He would!

How long have you been waiting for something or someone?  

Maybe you’re in a long cold winter of waiting and are feeling kind of hopeless and losing your sense of purpose? Then, you need hear Zack’s chorus, ’He has come!’ 

He has come and revealed His Son to show His extravagant love to you! He wants to assure you that He knows everything about you and cares about you. You are His work of art that is yet to be completed!

Perhaps we’ve become cold and numb and in desperate need of a touch from God? Maybe we’re feeling guilty about something we’ve gotten into? Maybe we're worried about our future? Once again we need to hear Zack’s words, ’He has come to redeem His people’ to give us hope for today and our future.

In the midst of our winter of discontent sometimes we can’t see clearly. We might not even be able to see our own reality. We might be blinded by our own grief and tears. If so, hear the encouraging words of Isaiah.

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.  Isaiah 42:16

When things seem hopeless and uncertain be encouraged that, ’He has come’ for you too! He has come to bring light into your darkness.  Jesus came to live and die for you so that you could truly know Him and be His now and forever!  Now, that is something to sing about don’t you think?

Everyone sings something. So, what will your song be? May you be reminded this winter that Zechariah’s chorus ‘HE HAS COME’ can be “your song” too!

How Long Is Too Long To Wait?

One of the biggest frustrations with waiting is how long things seem to take. How long is too long to wait for a promotion, for recognition, for a plane, for a relationship, for the light to turn green on our evening commute? Whether we recognize it or not, waiting is a constant in our lives.  At any given moment we’re all waiting for something or someone.

Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality.  We demand immediacy, in everything from meals to work to traffic to relationships.  We want what we want and we want it yesterday. In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a short time.

Like Abram we can get pretty tired of waiting for that something to happen. Ten years after God had promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations he was still childless and he lamented to God about his situation. Then God told Abram, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Now, that’s an amazing promise.

Yet, it wasn’t too long after this promise that a bewildered Abram lapsed in faith with a little help from his wife Sarai. What’s going on, how on earth is God going to fulfill his promise? There must be a way God, it’s been years of waiting with no visible results. As was the custom of the day, not God inspired, Sarai suggests a short-cut and adamantly begs her husband, “go sleep with my handmaiden and we can build a family through her.”  Maybe Abram thought, that sound good to me, sure why not?

Sarai made her own plan that seemed good to her and plus it was acceptable to her culture. Sound familiar?  Abram could a should a, but he didn’t. If Sarai thought Lot gave them problems she had no idea the radical impact of her decision would have upon her own family. They couldn’t wait and took matters into their hands. Gosh, that sounds way too familiar.

For 13 years both of them told everybody that God blessed their decision. The child Ishmael was the promised one, the heir apparent and the fulfillment of God’s promise. Then something happened that rocked their world and changed their names and lives forever.

At the age of ninety-nine God visits Abram and tells him that He is now going to fulfill His promise. (Gen.17:1-18) Abram can’t believe it, are you kidding me, we’re in our nineties? Abram cries out, “Oh that Ishmael might live.” Can you hear the pain in that statement? Don’t you see God I want this so bad, I’ve been telling everyone… Don’t you see this is how it’s supposed to be? This looks really bad for me now.

God’s responded, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Gen.17:19) Aren’t you glad that despite our many failings God faithfully fulfills His promises! They are not dependent upon us.

Waiting on the Lord is essential to growing in our faith journey. May we learn from Abraham that running ahead of God and trusting our own resources can create problems for us and those we love and we can miss God’s best. God helps us. We need His help! 

The good news is that there is more to Abraham’s life journey than this lapse of faith that we can learn from and apply. Join us next time for an unforgettable story of faith and sacrifice with real life application.

Shelter From the Storm

We started out backpacking on a beautiful cool sunny August day in the gorgeous Grand Tetons. About five miles in the sun gave way to a light nonstop rain which turned into a very heavy snowfall. The puddles on the trail were beginning to freeze. Slipping on the icy trail, we were wet and our toes were going numb.

It would be getting dark soon and too late to turn back. We looked to pitch our tent anywhere possible, but the terrain was way steep and rocky. We had heard there was a big cave along the trail and hoped it was just ahead.

While quickly hiking and almost sprinting up the trail we came to an abrupt stop by encountering a huge adult moose right near the trail. We quietly sat behind a rock whispering, freezing and waiting for the moose to leave hoping that the cave would be just be around the bend. We were asking, “Are we there yet?”

We all need shelter from the storm. We all need someone. We all need some place we can go when life takes a turn we didn't ask or plan for. 

We all inevitably come to place where we ask the same kind of question. How long will this ache of disappointment last? How long will I have to go through this? How long do I endure this relationship? Will this sickness ever go away? How many resumes do I need to send out before I’m offered a job? How long until we get to the cave for shelter from the storm?

Within a few weeks after their miraculous deliverance from Egypt the Israelites began to complain about their condition. It was very dry in the desert, but very fertile for complaining. They had had enough. They were done. They made it very clear that they were sick of their situation and the manna protests broke out, cars were overturned and people were arrested. It wasn’t pretty.

It wasn’t the best of Israeli history, but there are two truths we can learn from their wilderness journey. When we’re struggling it’s easy to play the blame game, so the Hebrews blamed Moses.

Breakdown Happens
Have you known someone who had a breakdown when they’ve been discarded or treated like thrash? It seems all of us will inevitably come to this place. Moses was deeply exasperated with the incessant complaining of his fellow Jews. He didn’t ask for this. After all, it wasn’t his fault. It was intolerable. He just couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe you can’t either?

He asked the Lord, "Why have you brought this trouble on your servant? What have I done to displease you that you put the burden of all these people on me? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Did I conceive all these people? Did I give them birth? Why do you tell me to carry them in my arms, as a nurse carries an infant, to the land you promised on oath to their ancestors?

Where can I get meat for all these people? They keep wailing to me, ‘Give us meat to eat!’ I cannot carry all these people by myself; the burden is too heavy for me. If this is how you are going to treat me, please go ahead and kill me—if I have found favor in your eyes—and do not let me face my own ruin.”  Numbers 11:11-15

Can you relate to Moses’ heavy heart? How am I going to make it through this? While it’s dry in the desert it’s also fertile ground for God to provide.

God’s Provision Happens
By the way, when we finally found refuge in the cave we discovered there was already twenty people keeping each other warm around a huge fire. Gods knows what we need and when we need it and He does provide.

The Lord said to Moses: “Bring me seventy of Israel’s elders who are known to you as leaders and officials among the people. Have them come to the tent of meeting that they may stand there with you. I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.”  Numbers 11:16-17

How will you provide Lord? Sometimes God provides financially through our diligence at work or by telling us to scale back. Some of us need to grasp that certain luxuries that use to be normal are now out of the question. Sometimes God’s provisions come from a place we least expect, but God can provide you contentment.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  Philippians 4:11-12

Are You Patient?

We all get impatient with our circumstances and people. If it wasn’t for all the irritations in life we’d be more patient, right?  Life is not that simple is it?

Webster’s says patience is the power of suffering with fortitude, an uncomplaining endurance of evil, wrongs, insult, oppression or calamity. So, how’s that going for you?

God’s patience is described in the Old Testament as long suffering or slow to anger. There are several examples of God’s patience in the bible. God waited no less than 120 years with warnings before the flood. He patiently waited and pursued His people over the centuries.

To further display His patience with His people God directed the prophet Hosea to marry an adulterous wife who kept going back to her lovers, yet Hosea took her back repeatedly. God was giving the Hebrews a vivid example of his utter commitment and faithfulness to His people, despite their unfaithfulness to Him.

In Hosea we see a broken hearted God telling Israel, “Don’t you know how much I love you?” Israel rejected all the prophets and ultimately His own dear son. Jesus said, they (Israel) have not rejected me they have rejected their God – their Father. God’s patience is a display of his mercy.

Moses, the mediator between God and the Hebrews passionately appealed to God’s longsuffering on their behalf. Sometimes we too push God to a limit and He lovingly says to us, ‘please don’t, please stop, this will not end well for you.’

How utterly patient God is with a world that does such brazen and unimaginable things. He has been patient with Israel and with us as well. Some of us were part of the culture that has no concern for God and to primarily please ourselves. Yet, by His indescribable grace God placed us into His family and called us to be His own kids. He gave us forgiveness, purpose and an inheritance that will never go away, but oh how shallow our gratitude can be.

He has been very kind and patient, waiting for you to change, but you think nothing of his kindness. Perhaps you do not understand that how kind God is to you so you will change your hearts and live. Romans 2:4 NCV

Applying God’s incredible patience is reflected in growing in gratitude towards God.
How long does God put up with you and I? How long is His fuse towards you and me? Oh, how utterly patient He has with me over years! Have I been a model of consistency? NO, absolutely not! Have I tested the patience of god? YES! 

Think of the fuse length God has for you. Will you allow him to lengthen your fuse with other people?  How long is your fuse, have you assessed that? It’s not fun to be around people with short fuses is it?  Would you agree that God wants to lengthen your fuse?  

Are we growing in patience towards others?
Kids can help us. A little girl asked her Mom, “How come there are so many jerks in our city?” “Why would you say that?” “Well, when I was with daddy in the car today and we sure saw a lot of jerks.”

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than he who takes a city… A patient man has great understanding but a quick tempered man shows folly… a man’s wisdom gives him patience.  Proverbs 16:32; 14:29; 16:32

God sees all sides, not just ours. How many poor choices are made because we’re in a hurry or under pressure? We don’t like to wait do we? Patience is a rare quality scarcer than diamonds, but far more precious.  The ability to accept delay graciously, calmly and understandingly reflects our trust in Christ.

Be completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love.

                                                                                                                 Ephesians 4:2

Patience is a long haul, not a sprint, a marathon and not a 50 yard dash. How do you respond when you’re in a hurry or can’t seem to wait? When your expectations aren’t met is it your tendency to throw your hands up or roll your eyes? If you want the best possible relationships remember God’s patience with you and be patient with other peoples’ progress.

God Meant It For Good

If you were Joseph and looked back at your life journey you would have to conclude, that's not what I expected!  Now that Joseph’s father has died his brothers fear that Joseph will change his mind and finally exact his revenge upon them. Gen.50:15-21. In an incredible act of kindness Joseph responded to their fears.

"Don't be afraid.  Am I in the place of God?  You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.  So then, don't be afraid.  I will provide for you and your children."  And he reassured them and spoke kindly to them.  

Joseph was wise enough to lead a nation and big enough to forgive. He didn’t allow his seemingly endless trial to pin him down with bitterness and cynicism. Unlike so many today, he did not waste his life dwelling on the injustices that were perpetrated upon him. He did not arrange for air time to share his grievances for all to hear. Wow, how refreshingly different is that? If Joseph was interviewed today would he be portrayed as a victim or victor?

Joseph’s trial was a very long and hard road of disappointment and desperation, yet God was up to something much larger than Joseph’s personal struggle.

Like Joseph, our times of trouble and darkness are meant to teach us some lessons that we desperately need and can learn no other way. A premature deliverance can circumvent God’s work of grace in our lives. Moving the hand of a clock to suit yourself does not change the time. Trust that God is working for you with your best interest in mind.

God will remember and reward you

The cup bearer and the baker might have forgotten Joseph, but God did not and He has not forgotten you!  No matter what you’re facing God knows and understands your situation and will reward your patient endurance.

Joseph’s long obedience in the same direction led to saving many lives. God ultimately rewarded him by allowing him to see the deliverance of not only his family, but the entire nation of Israel. Joseph’s patient suffering was blessed by God for the sake of others.

God comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4.

May our prayer of desperation be like the One who in the midst of His greatest trial cried out, “Not my will, but your will be done.” The result of that submissive prayer saved the lives of countless people like you and I. May that heart posture be true of us and one day we will receive our reward as well.

What we remember about our lives will depend on how we respond to God’s amazing grace in the midst of our trials. Hang in there. It is never too late to look up!

Lonely,But Never Alone

Millions think that loneliness is a solvable problem and the solution is usually a person.
The reasoning goes something like this, ‘When’ I’m in a relationship or ‘when’ I get married I won’t be lonely anymore.’ So, 4o million lonely hearts each week pursue someone online to take their loneliness away. This pursuit takes a lot of time and it can be empty and exhausting.

In the movie Jerry McGuire, Jerry’s girlfriend said, “Jerry, you can’t be alone; you’ve never been alone.” Many believe the same thing about themselves. Four out of ten Americans admit frequent feelings of intense loneliness.

Loneliness has been described as: assuming others have it together, but you; taking inventory of your life and feeling you’ve made many wrong choices; you’re hurting, but no one understands your pain or it’s an aching to have someone to share your life with.

The reality is that all of us experience loneliness regardless of our relationship status.

A different perspective about loneliness can possibly change your life.
There are a lot of reasons why people feel lonely and I’m sure you could provide your own list of reasons or definition. It would be extremely helpful to know there is a difference between loneliness and aloneness.

Loneliness is an emotional state of feeling disconnected from others.
The problem is we have unspoken assumptions about loneliness. We attach our own meaning to loneliness and its’ consequences, don’t we?  Much of our perception of loneliness comes from our unfortunate dysfunctional upbringing and from societal assumptions from popular culture like…

I am unlovable. I am undesirable. I am a social failure. I am a bad person. Nobody could ever want to be with me. I am not a whole person unless I have a partner or spouse. I just can’t be alone. I deserve a relationship. I have to have some romantic relationship in my life. I’ll settle for bad love than no love at all. What would you add to the list?

Whatever the cause loneliness has very little to do with being single. Some of the loneliest people are married. Loneliness is not solved by marriage. Saying ‘I do” does not solve loneliness or guarantee intimacy. A study of 3,400 married couples by the University of Michigan revealed that 65% are profoundly unhappy and 70% said they wouldn’t marry the same person. While that survey may reflect today’s ‘selfie’ culture, it is what it is.

Aloneness is the physical state of being separated from others.

All of us regardless of our relational status experience a sense of aloneness and yearn for relationships. Yet, loneliness is not dependent upon the lack of people in our lives. We can still feel lonely in a crowd. Albert Einstein said, “It’s strange that you can be known all around the world, but be so lonely.”

Extroverts can laugh and be around people constantly and still be a member of the lonely hearts club. For introverts aloneness can be less intimidating, but they have a greater risk of isolation and subjective introspection. Alone could simply mean, “I’m alone right now, no big deal, I have friends, family and co-workers.”

What do you do when you’re alone and feel sorry for yourself?
After a tremendous victory over the false prophets of Baal (I Kings 18:16-39) the prophet Elijah was stretched to the max by the confrontation on Mt. Carmel; his nerves were fried and he was hungry, thirsty and weary. Deeply distraught he prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,take my life.”

Elijah left his servant behind and journeyed into the wilderness all alone which made his situation even worse. Now alone, he had a pity party telling God he was the only faithful Jew in Israel. At was at this point that he made his worst decision of his life in his weakest hour. No wonder Jesus sent out the disciples out in twos.

n times of fear and aloneness we need somebody to talk to and pray with to help give us clear perspective on our situation.  Like Elijah we can make poor decisions when we’re alone. In times like this we are especially vulnerable to the culture’s exploitation of relationships.

God is patient and worked with Elijah and brought him back to reality. God provided for him right where he was at and spoke to him in a still small voice. Thank God He is longsuffering towards his children and speaks to us when we are feeling hurt and alone. He can do the same for you!

Five People You Should Never Marry

Enjoy this blog by guest blogger Debra Fileta. 

Have you ever been in a situation where all the facts told you it’s not going to work, but you tried to make it work anyway?

I definitely have.

think of the time I traveled overseas and attempted to cram my luggage with about 10 pounds more than I should have. A few hours later, I was dealing with a busted bag and my stuff strewn across the airport floor, just moments before my flight.

But even more applicable, I think of the different guys I dated in my twenties, who were loaded with yellow and even red flags. I wanted to be in a relationship so badly that I downplayed the warning signs and tried to make it work. Thank God He spared me and gave me the wisdom to move away before things got serious.

A lot of us do the same thing when it comes to choosing relationships. Whether we’re swept away by emotion or driven by our fear of failure, we often walk into a relationship or stay in a relationship in which all the facts clearly tell us, "It ain’t gonna work.” Yet we try to make it work anyway.

But the thing about healthy relationships is that...Continue reading..

How Long Is Too Long To Wait?

Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality.  |
We demand immediacy, in everything from meals to work to traffic to relationships.  We want what we want and we want it yesterday. In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a short time.

Like Abram we can get pretty tired of waiting for that something to happen.
Ten years after God had promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations he was still childless and he lamented to God about his situation. Then God told Abram, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Now, that’s an amazing promise.

Yet, it wasn’t too long after this promise that a bewildered Abram lapsed in faith with a little help from his wife Sarai.  What’s going on, how on earth is God going to fulfill his promise? There must be a way God, it’s been years of waiting with no visible results. 

As was the custom of the day, not God inspired, Sarai suggests a short-cut and adamantly begs her husband, “go sleep with my handmaiden and we can build a family through her.”   Maybe Abram thought, that sound good to me, sure why not?

Sarai made her own plan that seemed good to her and plus it was acceptable to her culture. Sound familiar? Abram could a should a, but he didn’t. If Sarai thought Lot gave them problems she had no idea the radical impact of her decision would have upon her own family. They couldn’t wait and took matters into their hands. Gosh, that sounds way too familiar.

For 13 years both of them told everybody that God blessed their decision. The child Ishmael was the promised one, the heir apparent and the fulfillment of God’s promise. Then something happened that rocked their world and changed their names and lives forever.

At the age of ninety-nine God visits Abram and tells him that He is now going to fulfill His promise. (Gen.17:1-18). Abram can’t believe it, are you kidding me, we’re in our nineties? Abram cries out, “Oh that Ishmael might live.” Can you hear the pain in that statement? Don’t you see God I want this so bad, I’ve been telling everyone… Don’t you see this is how it’s supposed to be? This looks really bad for me now.

God’s responded, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Gen.17:19) I'm so grateful  that despite our many failings God faithfully fulfills His promises! They are not dependent upon us.

Waiting on the Lord is essential to growing in our faith journey. 

May we learn from Abraham’s that running ahead of God and trusting our own resources can create problems for us and those we love and we can miss God’s best. God helps us. We need your help!

The good news is that there is more to Abraham’s life journey than this lapse of faith.  

How Long Is Too Long To Wait?

It appears one of the biggest frustrations with waiting is how long things seem to take. How long is too long to wait for a promotion, for recognition, for a plane, for a relationship, for the light to turn green on our evening commute? Whether we recognize it or not, waiting is a constant in our lives.  At any given moment we’re all waiting for something or someone.

Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality.  We demand immediacy, in everything from meals to work to traffic to relationships.  We want what we want and we want it yesterday. In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a short time.

Like Abram we can get pretty tired of waiting for that something to happen. Ten years after God had promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations he was still childless and he lamented to God about his situation. Then God told Abram, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Now, that’s an amazing promise.

Yet, it wasn’t too long after this promise that a bewildered Abram lapsed in faith with a little help from his wife Sarai.  What’s going on, how on earth is God going to fulfill his promise? There must be a way God, it’s been years of waiting with no visible results. As was the custom of the day, not God inspired, Sarai suggests a short-cut and adamantly begs her husband, “go sleep with my handmaiden and we can build a family through her.”   Maybe Abram thought, that sound good to me, sure why not?

Sarai made her own plan that seemed good to her and plus it was acceptable to her culture. Sound familiar?  Abram could a should a, but he didn’t. If Sarai thought Lot gave them problems she had no idea the radical impact of her decision would have upon her own family. They couldn’t wait and took matters into their hands. Gosh, that sounds way too familiar.

For 13 years both of them told everybody that God blessed their decision. The child Ishmael was the promised one, the heir apparent and the fulfillment of God’s promise. Then something happened that rocked their world and changed their names and lives forever.

At the age of ninety-nine God visits Abram and tells him that He is now going to fulfill His promise. (Gen.17:1-18) Abram can’t believe it, are you kidding me, we’re in our nineties? Abram cries out, “Oh that Ishmael might live.” Can you hear the pain in that statement? Don’t you see God I want this so bad, I’ve been telling everyone… Don’t you see this is how it’s supposed to be? This looks really bad for me now.

God’s responded, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Gen.17:19) Aren’t you glad that despite our many failings God faithfully fulfills His promises! They are not dependent upon us.

Waiting on the Lord is essential to growing in our faith journey. May we learn from Abraham’s that running ahead of God and trusting our own resources can create problems for us and those we love and we can miss God’s best. God helps us. We need your help! 

The good news is that there is more to Abraham’s life journey than this lapse of faith that we can learn from and apply. Join us next time for an unforgettable story of faith and sacrifice with real life application.

What Are You Waiting For?

By Mark Skalberg & DiAnna Steele

Thanks for all your input about pet peeves related to waiting.  It appears one of the biggest frustrations with waiting is how long things seem to take.

How long is too long to wait for a promotion, for recognition, for a relationship, for the light to turn green on our evening commute? 

Whether we recognize it or not, waiting is a constant in our lives.  At any given moment we’re all waiting for something or someone.  Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality.  We demand immediacy, in everything from meals to work to traffic to relationships.  We want what we want and we want it yesterday.  In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a short time.

A common lament among singles, related to waiting goes something like this:  “I’ve been single {insert # here} years.  At this rate, I’ll probably never get married.”  Years tick away and patience dwindles, even disappears.  In frustration, singles often settle for any relationship rather waiting for a more suitable life partner.

Tolstoy said, “The strongest of all warriors are these two-Time and Patience.” Yet so often we give away our strength in favor of immediacy.

Perhaps instead of asking “How long should we wait”, the more important question is, “Can we wait?” Or more specifically, “What happens if we don’t wait?”

Looking back on our lives we probably recall some dreams or goals we wish we’d waited a bit longer on rather than quit. Maybe it was an educational pursuit, maybe a diet or a plan for improving our health, maybe a relationship.  We may even ask ourselves, “Why did I cash in so easily? Why did I punt on second down? Why?”

The obvious answer? Quitting appears much easier than enduring.  It’s easier not to study, easier not to exercise, easier to leave a job than to resolve conflict, easier to walk away from a relationship than deal with tough issues. 

But unwillingness to wait it out yields life-long, as well as undesirable and distressing, consequences.  That educational pursuit we gave up on might one day cost us a promotion & a significant pay increase.  The diet we couldn’t hang with may result in serious health repercussions down the road. 

The relationship we walked away from when things got tough might have been the very catalyst God wanted to use to grow us into His image but instead we remain stuck throughout adulthood, possibly even lonely and isolated.

The truth is quitting is easier in the short-term but failure to wait things out often results in more painful long-term consequences.

Our third consideration, then, is How do we wait well?

Sticking it out requires something of us.  That something is endurance, the willingness and determination to keep persevering when odds appear stacked against us. 

Norwegians say, “Heroism consists in hanging on one minute longer.” We build endurance one minute at a time.

We must also keep in mind waiting is Active, not passive.  In the process of waiting on our dreams, we are intentionally involved in making them a reality.  We engage with life, continually moving forward even as we wait.

Thomas Edison, who performed more than a thousand experiments for his many inventions, would say after a failed experiment, “I have discovered one more way how not to do it.”

Abraham Lincoln was defeated 8 times for public office before his election to President of the United States.

Nelson Mandela suffered gross injustices for 30+ years before the annihilation of Apartheid. 

Noah Webster crossed the Atlantic twice to personally insure accuracy in his dictionary.

Yet, do we see endurance modeled today in our culture? In some ways quitting equates with glamour.  Daily tabloids thrive on stories of personal failure and abandonment. Hollywood romanticizes quitting—can you hear the epic music playing in the background as Rhett Butler walks out on Scarlett with his famous line, “Frankly my dear…”? 

Though Tinsel Town costumes have evolved, the throw in the towel mentality persists.  The Beautiful People quit relationships as easily as they quit rehab while the Little People applaud them for being honest about their feelings and brave in their conduct, aspiring to be just like them.

Modern society wastes the spotlight on those who easily abandon ship.  Better to shine it on those who don’t, from Churchill’s WWII rallying cry for the Brits of “never give up, never, never, never give up” to Nelson Mandela’s endurance of 30+ years for Apartheid’s dismantling, and his eventual Presidency. 

Our endurance might not get us elected to public office.  Nor will it make headlines.  It probably won’t even render pats on the back.  Yet, endurance leaves a legacy.  Even better, God rewards endurance.

“As you know, we consider blessed those who have persevered. You have heard of Job’s perseverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.” James 5:11

So how’s your endurance? You want to give up on ______?  People frequently say, “You don’t know my situation. I have no other choice.” Sure, life can be extremely difficult at times and you want to turn your back on something or someone.  We all feel that way sometimes.  Don’t cash it in. Not yet! Instead, rely on God for your strength.

“God gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.”  Isaiah40:29 

Rest assured God is BIGGER than any problem you have. God DOES reward you when you persevere.
“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”  James 1:12

In our next blog we’ll take a look at practical ways to build enduranceDiAnna Steele is a Christian Writer & Speaker living in Colorado Springs.  She offers a seminar for women entitled, “Ladies in Waiting & Weighting & Wading”.  You may reach her at www.diannasteele.com

Your comments are welcome below.