Moving Towards Hope

 

If you were 40-45 years old years in 1945 you would have lived through the worldwide Spanish flu pandemic during World War I that took 50M lives, the Great Depression, and then World War II. 

 

In 1945 many wondered what next bad thing could happen? Maybe today, that’s you, or maybe not? After WW II those times of intense anxiety and insecurity were over for millions at least for a while! Down the road came Korea, Viet Nam, the 60s, and 911.

 

COVID 19 was something very few people ever thought could happen, the reality is that things can change very quickly. Ironically, today we are living longer and healthier lives, but people feel more culturally and emotionally disconnected than ever. Today the level of depression and anxiety among millennials is higher than those that came before. 

 

Inevitably, life can take a turn we didn’t plan on or expect. When Jesus told his disciples that he was going away they were deeply heartbroken and confused. Maybe you’ve experienced that with someone close to you too? Like the sad reality of saying goodbye for the last time.

 

The disciples experienced a roller coaster of emotions: sadness, grief, a loss of hope, and skepticism. What are we going to do now? The disciples’ hopes and dreams were completely shattered. We’ve all been there before or can be. In times like this, we need hope. 

 

The disciples’ sorrow and tears clouded their vision and they had lost their hope and forgotten about what Jesus had told them about them seeing Him again. As Mother Teresa said, “Never let your sorrow so fill you as to make you forget the joy of the risen Christ.” Have you forgotten?

 

For many, their hope is just a pleasant wish. I hope that… We can hang our hopes on people, places, and things. We tend to cling to the things that are going to be eventually taken away from us. 

 

Unless we're getting our hope from God, we're going to try to get it from someone or something else. What or who is your hope in? Our hope might be in someone or something good and possibly attainable, but hope in the resurrection is infallible! Hey, it’s Friday, but Sundays a coming!

 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the Lord.    Psalm118:9                                                                                                                            

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

My soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5

Do Not Leave Your Bag Unattended

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?”

In the journey of our lives our parents or ourselves, not terrorists, have helped pack our bags for us with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy. If your suitcase is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees.

We used to hear "Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

When Israel went on their long Exodus trip they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols. At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives.

They took their difficult experience of 400 years of slavery that impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like. A land flowing with milk and honey.

God told Israel, 'I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me.' (Ex.6:2-5). It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey.

Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following other lovers and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different for us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way.

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, our possessions, our own expectations, or the control of people, places, and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of Egypt's false security. Their constant favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage. Go figure.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so, like this smoking ad.

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on.

None of us are absolutely free from our past. While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it.

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need to know that letting go is accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years. They got themselves into that mess.

Letting go is learning how to let go of your past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person. That’s hard even with the best intentions. Although we should not give disproportionate power to our past the past is not our enemy.

Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. While we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. Like it or not our past can become our identity inventory. It can be good or bad. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER their past in the celebration of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Letting Go

No matter what we hold on to letting go is a painful process
God asks Abraham to let go of what he deeply loves and at first glance it’s a horrifying request.
"Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Genesis 22:2

How utterly strange for God to promise Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and then to ask him to sacrifice that promise, especially after all he went through to see his son’s birth.

Imagine the heart sinking feeling that Abraham felt about saying his final goodbye to his beloved son. How difficult it is to say a final goodbye to a loved one at a hospice bedside or goodbye to a broken relationship that mattered, a marriage or a dream. Saying goodbye doesn't mean its forever.

Saying goodbye is hard
Picture a dad’s tearful goodbye embrace to his son at the airport after a great week of fun with dad after a recent unwanted divorce.  Inevitably, we all will experience difficult goodbyes.

There are times when life seems to hang on a single decision. For Abraham there was no mistaking Gods’ voice, there was no plea bargaining, he simply obeyed. Can you imagine the excruciating sadness Abraham must have felt on that three day journey to Mount Moriah? How would he say goodbye? In Genesis 22:4-5 we read that, on the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.“

Abraham was assured that in some miraculous way God would intervene. Now, the ultimate sacrifice was ready, but the puzzled young Isaac asked his dad, "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering dad?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” Genesis 22:7-8  When Abraham was about to take the life of his son the angel of the Lord intervened saying,

Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12-13

“When darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. At the end of our hope, we find the brightest beginning of fulfillment.” CW Cowman

God didn’t want Abraham’s son He wanted Abraham’s heart.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. Hebrews 11:17-19

Have you ever been stripped of all props and securities that you thought were essential and there was no way out of your situation and nothing you could do? Nietzsche said a man can undergo torture if he knows the why of his life. What’s far more significant is in knowing the who of my life. Who do I live for and who loves and cares for me?

We might think that once we let go of that something or someone we’ll have nothing. When we do we let go of that which God asks us to, He will give us more of Himself.

CH Spurgeon well said,  “Whoever you may be and wherever you may be, remember –God is all you may ever want, is everywhere you need Him to be, and can do everything you could ever want Him to do.

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw, and what he couldn’t do, but on what God said he would do…  But it’s not just Abraham, it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless.” Romans 4:18, 20, 24-25 

When God Says No

We all have been told no to something that we really wanted. It might have been about a job, a relationship, a goal or a worthy pursuit. We can be so sure about something that it’s a given to us. Most of us don’t’ want to hear a no, especially if it’s for a good cause. Yet, could you imagine if God said yes to everyone’s request?  

After the king was settled in his palace and the LORD had given him rest from all his enemies around him. David said to Nathan the prophet, "Here I am, living in a palace of cedar, while the ark of God remains in a tent."  Nathan replied to the king, "Whatever you have in mind, go ahead and do it, for the LORD is with you." 2 Samuel 7:1-3

During a time of Israel’s relative peace King David desired to build the temple for the Ark of the Covenant. It was certainly a great godly goal. Like David, during times of peace and relative calm we too can think to ourselves that this is what I’m going to do, but is it God leading you? Our passionate desire might be a great plan, but it might not be God’s plan.

We all have sincere friends like Nathan who can say to us “Go for it David” and later to find out it’s not God at all. That’s hard to hear indeed, especially after a prophet tells you to go for it.

That night the word of God came to Nathan, saying: "Go and tell my servant David, 'This is what the LORD says: You are not the one to build me a house to dwell in.” 1 Chronicles 17:3-4

Now then, tell my servant David, “This is what the LORD Almighty says: I took you from the pasture and from following the flock to be ruler over my people Israel.  I have been with you wherever you have gone, and I have cut off all your enemies from before you. Now I will make your name great, like the names of the greatest men of the earth.

When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body (Solomon), and I will establish his kingdom.  He is the one who will build a house for my Name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever.  

                                                                                                                  2 Samuel 7:8-9, 12-13

One of the hardest things in life is to have a vision or a goal and God uses someone else to carry it out. That’s hard stuff, yet that is what happened with David. Here’s David’s response to God’s no.

Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said: "Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? … And as if this were not enough in your sight. What more can David say to you?  For you know your servant, O Sovereign LORD.  2 Sam.7:18-20

What an excellent response from David. God, you are so good to me! Can you say that too? God said no to David even though his intentions were noble. It does bring up the question though, is it wrong to dream like this? Absolutely not!!

Have you ever wanted to do great things for God? I hope so. When God said no to your plans what was your response? We so desperately want our reasoning to be God’s reasoning. When we do get a no we can become hurt and disillusioned. Getting a no does not mean we are being disciplined for poor choices or faulty logic. 

Like David, our intentions may be good, but we need not force our passionate will.

God doesn’t ask everybody to build temples, but he does call everyone to some purpose. Many would have been extremely devastated, but David praised God. God’s will was more important to David than his own desire or need. Some day we shall understand that God has a reason for every NO. 

Join us next time to learn more how we can experience acceptance and contentment when God says no.

A Better Way Than Getting Even

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all.  Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He came to the realization that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter.  He concluded that you cannot the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even
David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but to Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are,even if its' the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. Resentment and retaliation reduces us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when give it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.  Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9

How To Recover from Divorce or Break Up - Part 3

This is part three and the final blog from the article ‘How to Recovery from Divorce or Break up.’ To read the entire article go here. If you would like to be part of a forum dialogue about topics that matter to you including these blogs click this Group Face Book page and join us. 

7. Loneliness and a supportive community
Going through a breakup means you’ve lost someone you bonded with over a long period, whether it was healthy or not. They were there to listen to you and be there for you. Now that’s gone; things are different now, maybe radically different. You’re not used to be alone, yet being alone is a part of life. Being alone happens to all of us whether we’re married or not. The loneliest person in your zip code might not be a single adult.

Many think that loneliness is a solvable problem, it’s not. It’s a normal human condition that occurs from time to time. You can feel lonely in a crowd or on a business trip or in your own home. Be aware that isolation can be your biggest enemy! Yet, realize that your aloneness can actually help you to reach out to others who care about you.

We all need relationships, even if were introverts or we have convinced ourselves that we are totally self-reliant. God knows we need each other. We’re not meant to be alone. We were created for meaningful relationships. We need to know and be known, to love and be loved. For these reasons, having a supportive community is critical to your recovery.

A community can be a faith community or group of friends or family who can support you. Make sure your supportive community knows you need their support and how you need to be supported.

8. Learn more about yourself and become a better person.
Rather than dwelling on what was done to you be open to learn from your mistakes and blind spots. Don’t just go through relationship loss, grow from it.

Starting over begins with you, not the other person!

If you are to develop better relationships in the future, without repeating the same mistakes, you need to understand and examine every aspect of relationships in regard to yourself.

The Starting Over Workshop can help you discover more about yourself and how to develop meaningful relationships now and in your future. Thousands have discovered hope and deep healing by attending. You can too. It’s time to move forward, isn’t it?

9. Assuming new responsibilities.
When going through relationship loss your life may be upside down. Perhaps nothing is the same and your life is difficult now. Your loss has impacted your finances, your living environment, your social structure and your health. Everything is different now.

Perhaps there is one to take care of you now, don’t look for someone to rescue you; take responsibility for your future. It might be difficult to hear, but embrace and enjoy your singleness, don’t mourn it. This is a time to grow, not stagnate. As a single adult, seek out positive, healthy friendships that provide acceptance and help you to be a better person.

10. Take good care of yourself. Divorce or breakup recovery is a stressful, painful and life-changing process. When people are going through fundamental life changes, they must take care of themselves. Eat well, exercise and get the sleep you need. Rediscover an old hobby or activity you used to enjoy.

Reconnect with some of your old friends and associates. Invite others into your life. Don’t let the walls close in on you. Get out more often. Create new experiences. Without creating new experiences you might continue in your old negative patterns and you don’t need that. Enjoy today!

Although recovering from divorce or a breakup is not easy, you can begin again with hope and a new vibrancy for life. Do you believe your future can be better than your past? The answer to that depends on you.

Please leave your comments below this blog or email them to me at the below address.

With Hope,

Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com

Leaving Your Bag Unattended

On a recent vacation my bag was over the limit so I removed a few things to not be charged and I was on to my destination. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?” Well, in the longer journey of our lives there have people who have packed our bag for us, not terrorists, but our parents or ourselves with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy.

If your bag is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees and you don't want that, unless it’s Southwest. In airports today we hear the repeated announcement, “Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. When Israel went on their long Exodus they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols.

At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives. They also took with them their background of 400 years of slavery. Their family history impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like.  A land flowing with milk and honey…

God told Israel through Moses that I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me. (Ex.6:2-5)

It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey. Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following after other lovers… idolatry and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different with us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way. My way is Yahweh’s…

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, possessions, of our own expectations or control of people, places and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want, when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of the past influence of Egypt and its’ false security. Their constant and favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. “How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Look at this smoking add. 

Things that just aren’t so includes some of the bad advice we hear about letting go in life. Jay Leno once asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?”  The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on. None of us are absolutely free from our past. 

While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it. You can have a new perspective. 

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need know that letting go includes accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair or how much you don’t like it. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years.

They got themselves into that mess. Letting go is learning how to let go of a past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person.  That’s hard even with the best intentions.Although we should not give a “disproportionate power to our past” the past is not our enemy. Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. 

Some say the past is in the past. While we can’t change the past we can learn from it. Like it or not our past becomes part of our identity inventory. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER what they were delivered from in the celebrating of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

With Hope,

Mark

Can You Let Go?

No matter what we hold on to letting go is a painful process.
God asks Abraham to let go of what he deeply loves and at first glance it’s a horrifying request.
"Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Genesis 22:2

How utterly strange for God to promise Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and then to ask him to sacrifice that promise, especially after all he went through to see his son’s birth.

Imagine the heart sinking feeling that Abraham felt about saying his final goodbye to his beloved son. How difficult it is to say a final goodbye to a loved one at a hospice bedside or goodbye to a broken relationship that mattered, a marriage or a dream. Saying goodbye doesn't mean its forever.

Saying goodbye is hard.
Picture a dad’s tearful goodbye embrace to his son at the airport after a great week of fun with dad after a recent unwanted divorce.  Inevitably, we all will experience difficult goodbyes.

There are times when life seems to hang on a single decision. For Abraham there was no mistaking Gods’ voice, there was no plea bargaining, he simply obeyed. Can you imagine the excruciating sadness Abraham must have felt on that three day journey to Mount Moriah? How would he say goodbye? In Genesis 22:4-5 we read that, on the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.“

Abraham was assured that in some miraculous way God would intervene. Now, the ultimate sacrifice was ready, but the puzzled young Isaac asked his dad, "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering dad?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” Genesis 22:7-8  When Abraham was about to take the life of his son the angel of the Lord intervened saying,

Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12-13

“When darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. At the end of our hope, we find the brightest beginning of fulfillment.” CW Cowman

God didn’t want Abraham’s son He wanted Abraham’s heart.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. Hebrews 11:17-19

Have you ever been stripped of all props and securities that you thought were essential and there was no way out of your situation and nothing you could do? Nietzsche said a man can undergo torture if he knows the why of his life. What’s far more significant is in knowing the who of my life. Who do I live for and who loves and cares for me?

We might think that once we let go of that something or someone we’ll have nothing. When we do we let go of that which God asks us to, He will give us more of Himself.
As CH Spurgeon well said,  “Whoever you may be and wherever you may be, remember –God is all you may ever want, is everywhere you need Him to be, and can do everything you could ever want Him to do.

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw, and what he couldn’t do, but on what God said he would do…  But it’s not just Abraham, it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless.” Romans 4:18, 20, 24-25