A Better Way In 2022

The media looked back on the top stories of 2021. While the top story of my life or yours’ in 2021 didn’t make the national or local news we know what it was. Perhaps it was an event, an encouraging word, a memory, a celebration, a disappointing loss, or a lesson learned?  Maybe you learned more about your limitations and in the midst of it, you became more aware of God’s gracious provision.

The New Year provides an opportunity for pause
This time of year many look back by getting out their mental calculators keeping scores of their victories and losses. Most of us hope this year will be better than last. Others approach the New Year with mixed emotions hesitant to let go of the past. Others make overly optimistic and unrealistic plans of how their New Year will look.

Some believe that a good intention means a new beginning, that on their own they can make a new start whenever they want. That would be nice if it was that easy.

What treadmill are you on?
Change is inevitable, but what kind of change? Maybe we need to look at the treadmills we’ve been on? Do we need to change our perspective from ‘this is the way things ought to be according to me?’ Or, look at how we measure success, or maybe it’s living for the approval of others.

These treadmills don’t just distract us from a satisfying life they can consume us
These perspectives can unknowingly trap and rule us. They can suck the energy right out of us and leave us utterly empty. It’s not easy to let go of all the mental stuff we insist we need for our tomorrow along with all the stuff we continue to haul with us from our yesterdays.

One thing that we can all count on this New Year is change
Some changes we gladly choose and others we don’t. Yet, more often than not, despite our high hopes and best efforts we fail to change in the ways God desires. We can’t just grit our teeth and force ourselves to act with compassion. It’s not about trying harder on our own.

Yet, many of us have become far too passive in our pursuit of change and wholeness, and peace. Could in our therapeutic age we have fallen into the passive mindset of “talking through our problems” or “dealing with our issues” or “discovering the roots of our brokenness in our family of origin?”

But I see a more non-passive approach to change in the New Testament. Namely, set your mind.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2

Jesus isn’t interested in us being changed into people who only become nicer and more agreeable. God does not ask us to accommodate Him but to live for Him. He has something far more different in mind for us this New Year. God can change your life story this New Year. There is a better way.

Live for what matters to God
All of us who have attempted change and failed to know if this year is going to be any different, we need a new approach. Becoming what God desires of us is not a quick-fix formula. It’s a heart change.

There are certain things and people we cannot change, but there are changes we can make that can leave a lasting impact on other people’s lives if we choose to live for what matters to God. God has been changing the hearts and minds of people and nations for thousands of years and He desires to change yours’ and mine too.

Here’s the deal: God significantly changes our lives when we live out a heart's cry of, “Not my will, but thy will be done. What do you want me to do for You Lord?”  And that will be enough.

The God that changes not, changes everything!
Be grateful that His love for you will never change! That’s one thing you can count on today and forever!

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you. I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. Psalm 26:3; 33:22

Give Gifts That People Really Need

 

Too many of us have unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be or what it was once and maybe even a sentimental view of the manger. Let’s look at the Christmas story from a different perspective.

I heard once, “If Jesus was at my family’s Christmas he wouldn’t be so optimistic about loving people.” During this season we encounter all kinds of different people. In the Christmas story, there were…

Disappointed people
Zechariah and Elizabeth faithfully served God the best they knew how. Elizabeth was old and barren in an age when being without children was considered a curse or perhaps worse yet, it was because of something you did to displease God.

Perhaps a strained relationship as well. When the priest Zechariah was told by the angel that his wife would have a child Zechariah’s natural response was, “How can I be sure of this, my wife and I are too old and worn out.” As a result of Zechariah’s unbelief, he did not speak until his son John was born.

Stressed out people
All is calm, all is bright. Really? Mary was probably around thirteen when she was pregnant and told Joseph that the father was the Holy Spirit. Joseph: Would you repeat that, please… Needless to say, he didn’t believe her. Are you really going to stay with that story, Mary? Joseph wanted to spare Mary public disgrace and humiliation and planned to quietly divorce her. There was a scandal in Galilee.

Then Joseph was visited by an angel and changed his mind about divorcing Mary and told her that we should just go ahead and get married anyway. They came from a very strict religious place, not unlike where some of us lived. 

They were a poor couple who were financially strapped during tax season and now they're on a difficult long journey with no place to stay. Joseph didn’t even think to call ahead and book the cheapest B&B or Motel 6.

Unsavory people
How many people have ‘The Great’ tacked on after their name like Herod? Paranoid about losing his power to a prophesied Jewish King, Herod ordered the murder of all the boys in Bethlehem who were two years and under. 

Warned by an angel Joseph and Mary took Jesus and fled to Egypt to live in a foreign place with a radically different culture and language and where the locals didn’t really want them around. If they took the Stress Test today they would be off the charts.

Strange and despised people
The Magi were Persians who looked very different than those living in Palestine. They believed in astrology which was strictly forbidden for the Jews. Then there were the dishonest and despised shepherds. If you were a good Jew you didn’t want your daughter hanging out with these guys.

Jesus lived in a world with plenty of people like the ones mentioned, but he gave them love anyway. This Christmas you can give better gifts that people really need.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

The first gift you can give to the difficult people in your life is…
The gift of grace
Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery, “Where are your accusers? There are none Lord, “Neither do I condemn you...” For the son of man came not to condemn the world, but to save it.” John 3:17

There is no one in your life who doesn’t need grace. Everybody needs grace. You might think someone doesn’t deserve grace and you know what, they don’t, but God gives it anyway. Only God knows what they deserve. A lot of times we don’t know their backgrounds and wounds. 

We all have certain leanings, some of us have a high capacity for gratitude, and others of us are constantly whining, but Jesus is full of grace to all of us. Are you? The second gift is...

The gift of truth
Jesus was full of grace, but not just grace. He was also full of truth. Grace without truth isn’t enough to grow in. Jesus was full of grace but also full of truth. It’s really hard to speak the truth sometimes. We might think we’re really good at telling someone the truth.

We can simply share the truth and a person will change. Wow, I really needed that I’m going to change right now. Yet, when we're face to face with someone we struggle with the right words to say.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15 The third gift is…

The gift of time
Time is a precious commodity. Some think one conversation will be enough to persuade a person to change. We’re impatient, we want to microwave people. I had one conversation with ______and he didn’t change, what’s the deal?

Jesus tells this great story. There’s this guy who sees a fig tree that looked dead and said, “Let’s cut it down?” The gardener says, “No not yet, give it another year, fertilize and prune it, I’m still working on this tree.” Of course, the gardener (Jesus) is still at work in those whom we might write off.

There have been people in your life for which you’ve tried to help several times and you finally came to a point of actually giving up on them. But you’re not in charge of them. God is working on that tree. He’s working on your tree. 

All you can bring to the table is you. The only heart you can bring to the table is yours. The question is will you bring grace, truth, and time to them? It’s a lot easier to think about it than do it.

Maybe you’re not a grace, truth, and time person, but you can be a conduit for it if you start with this Christmas letting God love you.

Israel was living in a very stressful time in their history and they weren’t sure if they were loved. I can’t really love if I don’t I know I have more than enough love coming my way. God says to them, ‘Even if a mom would forget her child I could never forget you. I love you too much…Your name is engraved in the palm of my hand.’ Isaiah 49:14-15

That was what Jesus did in his life, He showed love to the disappointed people, stressed-out people, unsafe people, embarrassed people, all the difficult people in his life and he gave them grace, truth, and time. Then he went to a cross and stretched out his hands and allowed the cruel spikes to pierce his hands and your name got engraved in his palm.

You see, there are a lot of people who don’t know they’re loved. This could be a Christmas unlike any other. Maybe your pain is so deep; your emotions are so raw you have no idea where to start to love others the way Jesus did. God knows this.

You don’t have to figure out what to do or say. All you have to do is bring your heart to God right now and ask Him to help you let go of your bitterness, resentment, fear, the anxiety that’s been keeping you in your own prison. Help us God to acknowledge that our peace does not come from within ourselves, but from you, for you are our peace.

Merry Christmas

Do Not Leave Your Bag Unattended

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?”

In the journey of our lives our parents or ourselves, not terrorists, have helped pack our bags for us with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy. If your suitcase is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees.

We used to hear "Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

When Israel went on their long Exodus trip they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols. At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives.

They took their difficult experience of 400 years of slavery that impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like. A land flowing with milk and honey.

God told Israel, 'I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me.' (Ex.6:2-5). It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey.

Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following other lovers and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different for us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way.

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, our possessions, our own expectations, or the control of people, places, and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of Egypt's false security. Their constant favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage. Go figure.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so, like this smoking ad.

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on.

None of us are absolutely free from our past. While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it.

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need to know that letting go is accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years. They got themselves into that mess.

Letting go is learning how to let go of your past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person. That’s hard even with the best intentions. Although we should not give disproportionate power to our past the past is not our enemy.

Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. While we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. Like it or not our past can become our identity inventory. It can be good or bad. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER their past in the celebration of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Letting Go

No matter what we hold on to letting go is a painful process
God asks Abraham to let go of what he deeply loves and at first glance it’s a horrifying request.
"Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Genesis 22:2

How utterly strange for God to promise Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and then to ask him to sacrifice that promise, especially after all he went through to see his son’s birth.

Imagine the heart sinking feeling that Abraham felt about saying his final goodbye to his beloved son. How difficult it is to say a final goodbye to a loved one at a hospice bedside or goodbye to a broken relationship that mattered, a marriage or a dream. Saying goodbye doesn't mean its forever.

Saying goodbye is hard
Picture a dad’s tearful goodbye embrace to his son at the airport after a great week of fun with dad after a recent unwanted divorce.  Inevitably, we all will experience difficult goodbyes.

There are times when life seems to hang on a single decision. For Abraham there was no mistaking Gods’ voice, there was no plea bargaining, he simply obeyed. Can you imagine the excruciating sadness Abraham must have felt on that three day journey to Mount Moriah? How would he say goodbye? In Genesis 22:4-5 we read that, on the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.“

Abraham was assured that in some miraculous way God would intervene. Now, the ultimate sacrifice was ready, but the puzzled young Isaac asked his dad, "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering dad?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” Genesis 22:7-8  When Abraham was about to take the life of his son the angel of the Lord intervened saying,

Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12-13

“When darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. At the end of our hope, we find the brightest beginning of fulfillment.” CW Cowman

God didn’t want Abraham’s son He wanted Abraham’s heart.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. Hebrews 11:17-19

Have you ever been stripped of all props and securities that you thought were essential and there was no way out of your situation and nothing you could do? Nietzsche said a man can undergo torture if he knows the why of his life. What’s far more significant is in knowing the who of my life. Who do I live for and who loves and cares for me?

We might think that once we let go of that something or someone we’ll have nothing. When we do we let go of that which God asks us to, He will give us more of Himself.

CH Spurgeon well said,  “Whoever you may be and wherever you may be, remember –God is all you may ever want, is everywhere you need Him to be, and can do everything you could ever want Him to do.

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw, and what he couldn’t do, but on what God said he would do…  But it’s not just Abraham, it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless.” Romans 4:18, 20, 24-25 

Live in Harmony

NPR's radio show This American Life ran a segment about a marketing executive from Colombia named Jose Miguel Sokoloff. The government of Columbia hired Jose to run an ad campaign that would convince the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia or FARC guerrilla rebels to demobilize and reenter society.

In 2010 Jose and his team ran a campaign called "Operation Christmas," but they saved their most effective ad campaign for last. After three Christmas ad campaigns, due to political changes [Jose] and his team knew they had to try something new.

Then in 2012, the two warring sides began peace talks that seemed very promising. So, the question was no longer: Is this a winnable war? but this: Since the war is probably going to end, will my community back home take me in again? Will my family still accept me?

And that's when they dropped probably their biggest emotional bomb, a campaign they called simply "Mothers' Voices." They found 37 mothers of guerrilla fighters who were willing to give them pictures of those fighters as children.

Jose said, “It was important that they gave us pictures of the kids when they were small, because in order to protect them, we needed to make sure that only the person in the picture would be able to recognize himself. And the message was, "Before you were a guerrilla, you were my child. Come back home. I'm waiting for you."

They printed up thousands of these posters and hung them in towns that the guerrillas moved through and nailed them to trees as well. With a simple, moving focus, the "Mothers' Voices" proved you don't have to do something huge to win someone over. In this case, you just needed a mom and her love for her wayward child. 331 guerillas came out of the jungle and went home to their mothers.

Although our experiences are different than this our hearts can relate to this amazing story of re-connection. We all need re-connection and harmony in our relationships, but it’s far easier said than done. What does that look like for you and I? What can we do to foster harmony and improve our relationships?

Six heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships
Sympathy - Understanding, validating, and affirming someone in their sorrow.
It’s much easier to rejoice with someone than to be with them in their sadness. Sympathy meets two basic needs:

1. We all have a need to be understood. 

2. We all need our feelings validated.  It’s great when someone not only understands us, but validates our feelings. We might not feel the way they do, but we can validate them anyway.

How do I become more sympathetic? Use your ears more. When we listen intentionally, we’re saying, “You matter to me, your valuable!”

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  James 1:19

The problem with slowing down to be a better listener is that we’re in such a hurry to get our point across. We want people to understand us that we can miss out on what someone is actually saying. Seek first to understand, then to be understood! 

If I’m sympathetic to you I’ll be more likely to cut you some slack. For some the source of conflict in their lives is because their experiences have never been validated by anyone. We might not give someone the time of day or care about their story.  We may not “feel the way they do,” but we don’t need to belittle or downgrade them or ridicule their fears and doubts.

How would you rate yourself on a scale 1-10?  If most say you’re always understanding give yourself a 7-8. If people closet to you tell you that you ignore their feelings all the time give yourself a 1. You get the idea.

Loyalty – Be committed to each other. Were in this together!

If you’re Christ follower you and I are not in competition with each other, were on the same team to cooperate and work together! When were irritated with someone we can get so focused on the problem we can forget about the value of the relationship. Stop attacking each other and ask what’s the best way we can work this out?

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves…Accept one another.   Romans 12:10; 15:7

I might angry with you, but I’m committed to you and our relationship. We might vehemently disagree, but were on the same team and I will be loyal to you no matter the cost. Accepting someone doesn’t mean I approve of their choices and that’s hard! I got faults, you got faults, but we make allowances within reason.

Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

Join us next time for more heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships.

When No Is The Way

Most of us don’t’ want to hear a no, especially if it’s something that we really wanted or was for a good cause. Yet, could you imagine if God said yes to everyone’s request? When God has said no to your heartfelt plans what was your response?

We so desperately want our reasoning to be God’s reasoning. When God says no some are tempted to wonder if God loves them. In reality it’s because he loves us He sometimes says no.

When God says no we can experience contentment by understanding and responding in two ways
Realize God has a better way!
On the Apostle Paul’s second missionary journey, the Spirit forbade Paul to speak in the province of Asia and kept them out of Bithynia near the Black Sea and led them directly to Troas, on the coast of the Aegean Sea. While in Troas, Paul received a vision of a man in Macedonia (in northern Greece) asking Paul to come and help them. This change of course became an open door for the gospel to Europe.

A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Our lives can a take a turn we didn’t expect or plan on. The lord has said NO for some unknown reason, but he does have a better way.  Fretting over that from which we have been removed or which has been taken away from us, will not make things better, but it will prevent us from improving those which remain.

Respond with acceptance and humility
After tragically losing everything dear to him, Job fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.” Job 1:20 -22

When God has said no to you, you are in good company. Over the millennia God said no to King David, the Apostle Paul and countless others because He had a better way that they were not able to see. God’s answers are never wrong, although they may be surprising.

Sometimes He says no and other times he says yes, but in either case His answer is always the best!  Even though David was kept from building the temple God promised Him that his son Solomon would construct and finish the temple and from his lineage would be a kingdom that would have no end. From the tribe of David inevitably came the promised Messiah.

He has a promise for you too!  “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”  When you know Him one day you’ll hear Him graciously say to you, “Welcome home, I’ve been waiting for you.”  May we look forward to that day!

Being Free

When we lose or damage our dignity by philosophy, someone, something or by ourselves we can feel deeply humiliated. Several humiliated and oppressed people groups have developed from centuries of human slavery to the Taliban and have left their undeniable marks on our world.

There is an old story that Abraham Lincoln went down to the slave block to buy back a slave girl. As she looked at the white man bidding on her, she figured he was another white man, going to buy her and then abuse her. He won the bid and as he was walking away with his property, he said, "Young lady, you are free."

She said, "What does that mean?"

"It means you are free."

She said, “Does that mean that I can say whatever I want to say?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, my dear, you can say whatever you want to say."

"Does that mean," She said, "That I can be whatever I want to be?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, you can be whatever you want to be."

"Does that mean I can go wherever I want to go?"

He said, "Yes, you can go wherever you want to go."

With tears streaming down her face, she said, "Then I will go with you."

Like this young lady we are given a choice to be free. God want s us to be free.

Like the Hebrews we don’t want to go back to Egypt do we? Like the freed lion we don’t want to be reintroduced to the cage. We want to stay free. Free from the things that kept us enslaved and stuck.

We need to be aware of the subtle temptations to cave into the things that once kept us enslaved. What are you allowing to have control over you? What desire, activity, substance or environment has a tendency to lure you into its trap? What is it you cave into? Who is it? What is it? Name it. Why can’t you say no?

Biblical self-control is not self-mastery or your strong will power. Biblical self-control is empowered by God’s spirit who wants to heighten our determination to STAY FREE!

We need to fight for our freedom by making the choices that God wants for us. Most of us have the freedom to choose many things, but some of those choices are definitely not the best for us.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.  1 Corinthians 6:12

You regain or retain your freedom and dignity by making two choices
Firstly, run when you need to!
Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. 2 Timothy 2:22

Nobody is exempt from going backwards,we all have weaknesses, character defects and blind spots. Whether it’s a person, place or thing that will take you to places you will regret later you need to leave. Don’t go there. Don’t rationalize or justify, just flee.

Secondly, allow God to change your heart

The story of our lives involves our hearts. True lasting change is a work of the heart not merely an outward appearance. As Solomon said, “The heart is the well spring of life.” So much of who we are originates from our hearts, whether it’s our dreams, passion, disappointment, genuineness, love or fulfillment.

When we are deeply hurt by betrayal, abuse or deep neglect our hearts become calloused, hard, stunted, resentful and defensive. Sadly, over time our hearts begin to close. As a result we can unintentionally disengage our hearts by medicating ourselves with empty trivial pursuits.

This elusive pursuit produces a kind of numbness in our hearts and we unknowingly miss out on God’s best for us.  We wonder where did the joy go and we become hindered to see ourselves and others realistically. As the blind Helen Keller said, “It is better to see with you heart than to have two eyes and see nothing.”

Join us next time for the other two life giving choices...

Who Do You Trust?

The Free Fall of Trust

When Gallup first asked Americans about their trust of newspapers in 1973, 39 percent said they had a great deal of trust in them and by 1979, that number reached a high of 51 percent. In 2016, only 20 percent of Americans said they trust newspapers. Trust in television news has charted much the same course, and it fares only slightly better in 2016, with 21 percent trust.

In a poll we did a while back on this website we asked how you would define trust. Many of you said that it’s hard to believe that someone will actually do what they say they will do. According to most polls virtually every institution has lost public trust, especially Congress

These days, less than one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted. Half felt that way in 1972, when polls first asked the question. A record high of nearly two-thirds say "you can't be too careful" in dealing with people. Americans are suspicious of each other in everyday encounters.

From the Sunnis and Shiites, Israelis and Palestinians, politicians, CEOs, corporations and institutions of every kind, even to telling our kids not to trust strangers, mistrust is everywhere.

Broken Relational Trust

One third of the 40 million people looking for a date online are married, but they don’t put that in their profile. So, it’s understandable that people struggle with who to trust.

“Generally speaking, a loss of trust created by a violation of character (integrity or intent) is far more difficult to restore than a loss of trust created by a violation of competence (capabilities or results).”  Stephen Covey

Lets’ face it we all have trust issues, yet we all want to say,‘I trust you.’

All of us have been wounded by a lack of trust from an institution or more importantly a person and it’s impacted how we perceive people and our relationships. I’ve told my kids regarding their social world to trust the people who prove they’re trustworthy.

Now, that is reasonable, but what does that look like? What is the basis of trust and how can I develop trust without having a cynical perspective? Especially after having been lied to and hurt as a result? Though it may be difficult, in most cases, lost trust can be restored and often even enhanced.

If you want to increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships then there are a few things to consider. Join us for the continuation of this blog in a few days.

Are You Patient?

We all get impatient with our circumstances and people. If it wasn’t for all the irritations in life we’d be more patient, right?  Life is not that simple is it?

Webster’s says patience is the power of suffering with fortitude, an uncomplaining endurance of evil, wrongs, insult, oppression or calamity. So, how’s that going for you?

God’s patience is described in the Old Testament as long suffering or slow to anger. There are several examples of God’s patience in the bible. God waited no less than 120 years with warnings before the flood. He patiently waited and pursued His people over the centuries.

To further display His patience with His people God directed the prophet Hosea to marry an adulterous wife who kept going back to her lovers, yet Hosea took her back repeatedly. God was giving the Hebrews a vivid example of his utter commitment and faithfulness to His people, despite their unfaithfulness to Him.

In Hosea we see a broken hearted God telling Israel, “Don’t you know how much I love you?” Israel rejected all the prophets and ultimately His own dear son. Jesus said, they (Israel) have not rejected me they have rejected their God – their Father. God’s patience is a display of his mercy.

Moses, the mediator between God and the Hebrews passionately appealed to God’s longsuffering on their behalf. Sometimes we too push God to a limit and He lovingly says to us, ‘please don’t, please stop, this will not end well for you.’

How utterly patient God is with a world that does such brazen and unimaginable things. He has been patient with Israel and with us as well. Some of us were part of the culture that has no concern for God and to primarily please ourselves. Yet, by His indescribable grace God placed us into His family and called us to be His own kids. He gave us forgiveness, purpose and an inheritance that will never go away, but oh how shallow our gratitude can be.

He has been very kind and patient, waiting for you to change, but you think nothing of his kindness. Perhaps you do not understand that how kind God is to you so you will change your hearts and live. Romans 2:4 NCV

Applying God’s incredible patience is reflected in growing in gratitude towards God.
How long does God put up with you and I? How long is His fuse towards you and me? Oh, how utterly patient He has with me over years! Have I been a model of consistency? NO, absolutely not! Have I tested the patience of god? YES! 

Think of the fuse length God has for you. Will you allow him to lengthen your fuse with other people?  How long is your fuse, have you assessed that? It’s not fun to be around people with short fuses is it?  Would you agree that God wants to lengthen your fuse?  

Are we growing in patience towards others?
Kids can help us. A little girl asked her Mom, “How come there are so many jerks in our city?” “Why would you say that?” “Well, when I was with daddy in the car today and we sure saw a lot of jerks.”

Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than he who takes a city… A patient man has great understanding but a quick tempered man shows folly… a man’s wisdom gives him patience.  Proverbs 16:32; 14:29; 16:32

God sees all sides, not just ours. How many poor choices are made because we’re in a hurry or under pressure? We don’t like to wait do we? Patience is a rare quality scarcer than diamonds, but far more precious.  The ability to accept delay graciously, calmly and understandingly reflects our trust in Christ.

Be completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing with one another in love.

                                                                                                                 Ephesians 4:2

Patience is a long haul, not a sprint, a marathon and not a 50 yard dash. How do you respond when you’re in a hurry or can’t seem to wait? When your expectations aren’t met is it your tendency to throw your hands up or roll your eyes? If you want the best possible relationships remember God’s patience with you and be patient with other peoples’ progress.

God Knows About Closed Doors

God knows the agony of more closed doors than anyone ever will. God has given to every person the key to the door of their own heart, but God will not force his way in. “Behold, I stand at the door and knock…”(Rev.3:20)

It’s not just that we hope God will open a door for us, but God hopes we will open a door for him.

We have or inevitably will someday stand in pain at a closed door. I cannot provide an explanation or reasons your heartfelt felt prayers are not answered, but I can point you to a Person. I can tell you that at the heart of the gospel is a desperate unanswered prayer.

Jesus prayed, “Father, if it is possible, may this cup, this suffering, this death be taken from me.” Yet not my will, but yours, be done.” As author John Ortberg said, “This is the most desperate prayer ever prayed from the most discerning spirit that ever lived, from the purest heart that ever beat, for deliverance from the most unjust suffering ever known. And all it got was silence. Heaven was not moved. The cup was not taken from him. The request was denied. The door remained closed.”

That unwanted and unjust suffering became the hope of the world because the ultimate answer to every human drama is a blood-soaked cross where the Son of God himself suffered. Nobody has all the answers, but what if our most difficult prayer requests were answered yes?  

What if God had said yes to His son’s request? What if Jesus had been spared his suffering? What if there had been no cross, no death, no tomb, no resurrection, no forgiveness of sins, no birth of the church? What if? I don’t know why some prayers get yeses and some prayers get nos.

I know the disappointment of a no when you desperately need a yes more than anything in the world, but I don’t know why. I only know that in the cross God’s no to his only Son turned into God’s yes to everyone who ever lived. Yours and my unanswered prayer or a closed door just might be to other people’s benefit, we just need to trust God that He knows what's best!

Leaving Your Bag Unattended

On a recent vacation my bag was over the limit so I removed a few things to not be charged and I was on to my destination. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?” Well, in the longer journey of our lives there have people who have packed our bag for us, not terrorists, but our parents or ourselves with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy.

If your bag is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees and you don't want that, unless it’s Southwest. In airports today we hear the repeated announcement, “Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. When Israel went on their long Exodus they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols.

At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives. They also took with them their background of 400 years of slavery. Their family history impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like.  A land flowing with milk and honey…

God told Israel through Moses that I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me. (Ex.6:2-5)

It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey. Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following after other lovers… idolatry and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different with us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way. My way is Yahweh’s…

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, possessions, of our own expectations or control of people, places and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want, when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of the past influence of Egypt and its’ false security. Their constant and favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. “How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Look at this smoking add. 

Things that just aren’t so includes some of the bad advice we hear about letting go in life. Jay Leno once asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?”  The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on. None of us are absolutely free from our past. 

While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it. You can have a new perspective. 

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need know that letting go includes accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair or how much you don’t like it. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years.

They got themselves into that mess. Letting go is learning how to let go of a past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person.  That’s hard even with the best intentions.Although we should not give a “disproportionate power to our past” the past is not our enemy. Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. 

Some say the past is in the past. While we can’t change the past we can learn from it. Like it or not our past becomes part of our identity inventory. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER what they were delivered from in the celebrating of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

With Hope,

Mark

Don't Miss the Moment - Let God In

German theologian Martin Buber said, “There is something that can only be found in one place. It is a great treasure, which may be called the fulfillment of existence. The place where this treasure can be found is the place on which one stands.”

Yes, the treasure of being present and alive today. 
And yet, why do so many of us feel there is some kind of deficiency in us? Like, we’re not where we should be, or even wish to be or we’re not achieving or doing enough.  We’re not successful enough. We’re not smart enough. We’ve haven’t done or gone to ________yet.

Blaise Pascal wrote, "By means of a diversion we can avoid our own company 24 hours a day."  But it's not just diversion. It's a kind of relentless pursuit of something elusive as if life is always just around the corner from where we are NOW. Many don't know what they want in life, but they’re sure they haven't got it, at least not yet.

Jackson Browne talked about this "empty pursuit" in a song "The first time I went on my own, when the roads were as many as the places I had dreamed of and my friends and I we’re one."  Yet in a later song called "Running on Empty," he says, "I look around for the friends that I used to turn to, to pull me through; looking into their eyes, I see them running, too."

If we can just find ‘IT’ or that relationship then we’ll be happy. It is as if we live with an expectation that life should be a certain way or we should… I'm all for living in the present moment, just not this one.  And yet, as Buber said the great treasure of a fulfilled life is in the ground where we stand.

Martin Buber asked,“Where is the dwelling of God?” Then he answered his own question,“God dwells wherever man lets Him in.” This is the ultimate purpose: to let God in. We can let Him in not only as our God, maker, savior and friend, but in where we stand today in the moment.

Have we lost the ability to savor the ordinary moments?
A few days ago due to a temporary handicap (crutches) I was riding an electric shopping cart in the grocery store with my son who suffers every day with chronic pain from Crohn’s Disease. That seemingly insignificant experience brought a joyful and grateful heart for the simpler things in life that we take for granted every day, like good health. 

You can be in the present moment when you let God in. For millions the hope for better health and healing can mean a whole lot more than several trips to your favorite vacation place.

We can easily miss divine opportunities that come our way.
They can be in the most unexpected places and times. Those great ‘treasure moments’ can be in the simplest encounters. In a conversation with the grocery store checker or the person you’re sitting next to in the doctor’s office or with a stranger at the DMV. This world is a pretty messed up place and it can mess with our expectations we have of life. We all know that. We need to slow down and appreciate the people right in front of us.  

Today, more than ever we need sanctuaries of care, places where we can feel safe and loved. But, we also need to be that place of refuge for friends, families and strangers. That treasured place is YOU where God can dwell and be seen by others.

               

Thankfulness

Imagine you fall off the side of an ocean liner and, not knowing how to swim, begin to drown. Someone on the deck spots you, flailing in the water and throws you a life preserver. It lands directly in front of you and, just before losing consciousness, you grab hold for dear life. They pull you up onto the deck, and you cough the water out of your lungs. 

People gather around, rejoicing that you are safe and waiting expectantly while you regain your senses. After you finally catch your breath, you open your mouth and say: "Did you see the way I grabbed onto that life preserver? How tightly I held on to it? I was all over that thing!"

Needless to say, it would be a bewildering and borderline insane response. To draw attention to the way you cooperated with the rescue effort denigrates the whole point of what happened, which is that you were saved. A much more likely chain of events is that you would immediately seek out the person who threw the life preserver, and you would thank them. Not just superficially, either. You would embrace them, ask them their name, invite them to dinner and maybe give them your cabin!
‘Law & Gospel’ (Mockingbird Ministries, 2015), page 73

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of

righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5.

Kelsy Richardson, who is currently conducting graduate research on ‘gratitude’ at Fuller Seminary, named pride as a major deterrent to gratitude said, “When you believe you deserve the good things you receive, you don’t feel the need to be grateful to others.”

“Without effort, feelings of gratitude are often fleeting, passing as quickly as they come. For example, I’m grateful to have a clean bill of health but gripe as soon as a cold interferes with my busy life. I have a kitchen filled with food but complain about cooking and closet filled with clothes but, “nothing to wear.” Tiffany Musik Matthews

Research suggests that gratitude can’t simply be grouped with other emotions, like happiness or anger, because unlike other emotions, gratitude takes a conscious effort. In order to be grateful, we must first take the time to recognize that something has been done for our benefit. The culture’s prevalent attitude, ‘of what have you done for me lately,’ reflects expectation not gratitude.

Dr. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at UC Davis says, “Feeling grateful is not the same as being a grateful person, a grateful person is one who regularly affirms the goodness in his or her life and recognizes that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside of themselves.” Notice Emmons says that gratefulness does not come from us or because of us.

In today’s age of entitlement many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort, but we are not God and cannot guarantee what we desire. Being truly grateful extends beyond our own convenience. Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. With gratitude you accept life as it is and are grateful for what you have.

The evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude in our lives makes us happier and healthier people. As receivers of salvation and divine grace, we should strive to be grateful in all seasons of our lives.

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.  Brother David Steindl-Rast

Get Back Your Freedom and Dignity

To better understand the essence of self- control we need to see the connection between freedom and dignity.  When we lose or damage our dignity by philosophy, someone, something or by ourselves we can feel deeply humiliated. Several humiliated and oppressed people groups have developed from centuries of human slavery to the Taliban and have left their undeniable marks on our world.

There is an old story that Abraham Lincoln went down to the slave block to buy back a slave girl. As she looked at the white man bidding on her, she figured he was another white man, going to buy her and then abuse her. He won the bid and as he was walking away with his property, he said, "Young lady, you are free."

She said, "What does that mean?"

"It means you are free."

“Does that mean," she said, "that I can say whatever I want to say?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, my dear, you can say whatever you want to say."

"Does that mean," She said, "That I can be whatever I want to be?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, you can be whatever you want to be."

"Does that mean I can go wherever I want to go?"

He said, "Yes, you can go wherever you want to go."

With tears streaming down her face, she said, "Then I will go with you."

Like this young lady we are given a choice to be free. God want s us to be free.
Like the Hebrews we don’t want to go back to Egypt do we? Like the freed lion we don’t want to be reintroduced to the cage. We want to stay free. Free from the things that kept us enslaved and stuck.

We need to be aware of the subtle temptations to cave into the things that once kept us enslaved. What are you allowing to have control over you? What desire, activity, substance or environment has a tendency to lure you into its trap? What is it you cave into? Who is it? What is it? Name it. Why can’t you say no?

Biblical self-control is not self-mastery or your strong will power. Biblical self-control is empowered by God’s spirit who wants to heighten our determination to STAY FREE!

We need to fight for our freedom by making the choices that God wants for us. Most of us have the freedom to choose many things, but some of those choices are definitely not the best for us.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.  1 Corinthians 6:12

Regain or retain your freedom and dignity by making four choices
Firstly, run when you need to!

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. 2 Timothy 2:22

Nobody is exempt from going backwards, we all have weaknesses, character defects and blind spots. Whether it’s a person, place or thing that will take you to places you will regret later you need to leave. Don’t go there. Don’t rationalize or justify, just flee.

Secondly, allow God to change your heart
The story of our lives involves our hearts. True lasting change is a work of the heart not merely an outward appearance. As Solomon said, “The heart is the well spring of life.” So much of who we are originates from our hearts, whether it’s our dreams, passion, disappointment, genuineness, love or fulfillment.

When we are deeply hurt by betrayal, abuse or deep neglect our hearts become calloused, hard, stunted, resentful and defensive. Sadly, over time our hearts begin to close. As a result we can unintentionally disengage our hearts by medicating themselves with all manner of empty trivial pursuits.

This elusive pursuit produces a kind of numbness in our hearts and we unknowingly miss out on God’s best for us.  We wonder where did the joy go and we become hindered to see ourselves and others realistically. As the blind Helen Keller said, “It is better to see with you heart than to have two eyes and see nothing.”

God has so much more for you and me. He wants to change our hearts from the inside out and desires us to participate with Him by making life giving choices.

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2
Join us next time for the two other life giving choices.

When There's No Way Out

What do you do when things seem impossible and there’s no way out and there’s no way you can go back?

As Pharaoh approached, the Israelites looked up, and there were the Egyptians, marching after them. They were terrified and cried out to the Lord. Exodus 14:10

There was no way of escape and their backs were against the wall.
Like the Hebrews, when our backs are against the wall it can take our breath away. We worry and complain it’s just not fair and try to control or find some way out of our situation, but to no avail.

Some people believe that when they are faithfully following God He will keep them from trials and conflicts. If so, you would think that Paul during his great missionary journey to Rome would have been kept by God’s sovereignty from violent storms and his enemies.

Yet, just the opposite was true. Paul tells us, “we are hard pressed on every side, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed…we were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself.”
                                                                                                      2 Corinthians 4:8-9; 1:8

Paul endured beatings, imprisonments, riots, sleepless nights and hunger, poisonous snakes, shipwreck and narrowly escaped drowning by swimming to shore at Malta. .” Is this a God of infinite power? Yes.

Paul went on to say, “Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”
                                                                                                               2 Corinthians 1:9

Like Paul, could it be that God has orchestrated our circumstances?

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

The story continues… Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. Exodus 14:21

For Israel the real work of God was not when they awoke in the morning and found that they could get over the Red Sea; but it was ‘all that night’ that God was working on their behalf. There is great comfort in knowing that God works in the dark when we can’t see it and least expect it. God worked all that night for the Hebrews. The next day simply revealed what God had done during the night.

Are you in a place where life seems dark? “All that night the Lord drove back the see.” Do not forget that it was ‘all that night’ that God was working. With the enemy behind them and the sea in front of them that night seemed blacker and fearful than anything they had ever experienced before. That long night God’s weary children saw that God had been working all that night to make a path for their future.

You may not see it either, but God intimately knows your situation and is working ‘all that night stuff’ in your life for your future. Trust Him, He is worthy of it!

Can You Let Go?

No matter what we hold on to letting go is a painful process.
God asks Abraham to let go of what he deeply loves and at first glance it’s a horrifying request.
"Take your son, your only son, Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about." Genesis 22:2

How utterly strange for God to promise Abraham that he would be the father of many nations and then to ask him to sacrifice that promise, especially after all he went through to see his son’s birth.

Imagine the heart sinking feeling that Abraham felt about saying his final goodbye to his beloved son. How difficult it is to say a final goodbye to a loved one at a hospice bedside or goodbye to a broken relationship that mattered, a marriage or a dream. Saying goodbye doesn't mean its forever.

Saying goodbye is hard.
Picture a dad’s tearful goodbye embrace to his son at the airport after a great week of fun with dad after a recent unwanted divorce.  Inevitably, we all will experience difficult goodbyes.

There are times when life seems to hang on a single decision. For Abraham there was no mistaking Gods’ voice, there was no plea bargaining, he simply obeyed. Can you imagine the excruciating sadness Abraham must have felt on that three day journey to Mount Moriah? How would he say goodbye? In Genesis 22:4-5 we read that, on the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, "Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.“

Abraham was assured that in some miraculous way God would intervene. Now, the ultimate sacrifice was ready, but the puzzled young Isaac asked his dad, "The fire and wood are here," Isaac said, "but where is the lamb for the burnt offering dad?" Abraham answered, "God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” Genesis 22:7-8  When Abraham was about to take the life of his son the angel of the Lord intervened saying,

Do not lay a hand on the boy," he said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." Genesis 22:12-13

“When darkness seems the deepest, the most radiant light is set to emerge. At the end of our hope, we find the brightest beginning of fulfillment.” CW Cowman

God didn’t want Abraham’s son He wanted Abraham’s heart.
By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death. Hebrews 11:17-19

Have you ever been stripped of all props and securities that you thought were essential and there was no way out of your situation and nothing you could do? Nietzsche said a man can undergo torture if he knows the why of his life. What’s far more significant is in knowing the who of my life. Who do I live for and who loves and cares for me?

We might think that once we let go of that something or someone we’ll have nothing. When we do we let go of that which God asks us to, He will give us more of Himself.
As CH Spurgeon well said,  “Whoever you may be and wherever you may be, remember –God is all you may ever want, is everywhere you need Him to be, and can do everything you could ever want Him to do.

“When everything was hopeless, Abraham believed anyway, deciding to live not on the basis of what he saw, and what he couldn’t do, but on what God said he would do…  But it’s not just Abraham, it’s also us! The same thing gets said about us when we embrace and believe the One who brought Jesus to life when the conditions were equally hopeless.” Romans 4:18, 20, 24-25