What Is Your Aim?

A year ago, we were different than we are today, and one year from now, we will have changed somehow. This new year many make overly optimistic plans for this new year, yet optimism is no guarantee of success.  Others think that a good intention means a new beginning, and they can make a fresh start whenever they want. That would be nice if it were that easy.

This time of year, many get out their mental calculators, keeping scores of their victories and losses. Most of us hope this year will be better than last.  Maybe we can change our perspective from ‘this is how things should be? It’s not easy to let go of all the mental stuff we insist we need for tomorrow and all the other things we continue to haul with us from our yesterdays.

When you get up in the morning to face a day, what do you say to yourself from the beginning to the end of the day? So many could say, “I don’t even think like that; I just get up and do what I’ve got to do.” It’s evident in the Bible that God wants us to aim at something more meaningful.

We make it our aim to be well pleasing to Him. 2 Corinthians 5:9

Being aimless is like leaves blowing in the wind in the backyard. The wind blows that way; they go that way. They tumble, bounce, and press against a fence but have nowhere to go, like so many who are in a hurry with no place to go.

God did not create us in his image to be like leaves blowing in the wind. He has so much more for us. One thing that we can all count on this new year is change

Some changes we gladly choose, and others we don’t. Yet, despite our high hopes and best efforts, we often fail to change in the ways God desires. We can’t just grit our teeth and force ourselves to act with compassion. It’s not about trying harder on our own.

Yet, many of us have become far too passive in our pursuit of change, wholeness, and peace. Could it be in our therapeutic age we have fallen into the passive mindset of “I’m just dealing with my issues” or “I’m trying to survive.”

But I see a more non-passive approach to change in the New Testament. Namely, set your mind.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things on earth.” Colossians 3:2

God has something far more different in mind for us this new year. There is a better way. 

Live for what matters to God
We are cruel to ourselves if we try to live in this world without knowing the God whose world it is and who runs it. Knowing God is to first know His character and His ways. Knowing God is life’s greatest pursuit and crucially important to the living of our lives.

Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom. Let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me. Jeremiah 9:23-24

If you’re making plans today, submit them to God. If god’s answer is different from yours, be ready to embrace His plan. His way is always best!

We cannot change things and people, but we can leave a lasting impact on other people’s lives if we choose to live for what matters to God. God has been changing the hearts and minds of people and nations for thousands of years, and He desires to change yours’ and mine, too.

Here’s the deal: God significantly changes our lives when we live out a heart's cry of, “Not my will, but thy will be done. What do you want me to do for You Lord?” And that will be enough. The God that does not change changes everything!

Be grateful that His love for you will never change! That’s one thing you can count on today and forever!

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you. I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and relied on your faithfulness. Psalm 26:3; 33:22

 

Moving Towards Hope

 

If you were 40-45 years old years in 1945 you would have lived through the worldwide Spanish flu pandemic during World War I that took 50M lives, the Great Depression, and then World War II. 

 

In 1945 many wondered what next bad thing could happen? Maybe today, that’s you, or maybe not? After WW II those times of intense anxiety and insecurity were over for millions at least for a while! Down the road came Korea, Viet Nam, the 60s, and 911.

 

COVID 19 was something very few people ever thought could happen, the reality is that things can change very quickly. Ironically, today we are living longer and healthier lives, but people feel more culturally and emotionally disconnected than ever. Today the level of depression and anxiety among millennials is higher than those that came before. 

 

Inevitably, life can take a turn we didn’t plan on or expect. When Jesus told his disciples that he was going away they were deeply heartbroken and confused. Maybe you’ve experienced that with someone close to you too? Like the sad reality of saying goodbye for the last time.

 

The disciples experienced a roller coaster of emotions: sadness, grief, a loss of hope, and skepticism. What are we going to do now? The disciples’ hopes and dreams were completely shattered. We’ve all been there before or can be. In times like this, we need hope. 

 

The disciples’ sorrow and tears clouded their vision and they had lost their hope and forgotten about what Jesus had told them about them seeing Him again. As Mother Teresa said, “Never let your sorrow so fill you as to make you forget the joy of the risen Christ.” Have you forgotten?

 

For many, their hope is just a pleasant wish. I hope that… We can hang our hopes on people, places, and things. We tend to cling to the things that are going to be eventually taken away from us. 

 

Unless we're getting our hope from God, we're going to try to get it from someone or something else. What or who is your hope in? Our hope might be in someone or something good and possibly attainable, but hope in the resurrection is infallible! Hey, it’s Friday, but Sundays a coming!

 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the Lord.    Psalm118:9                                                                                                                            

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

My soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5

What Is Thanksgiving and it's Meaning?

 

Is Thanksgiving more than a day off, a parade, football, and a meal that takes hours to prepare and a few minutes to eat? Can it be more than that?

In the fall of 1621, just over 50 colonists attended the meal that became Thanksgiving including 22 men, four married women, and more than 25 children and teenagers. These were the fortunate ones who had made it through the rough voyage across the Atlantic into the New World. They made it through the extremely harsh winter during which disease took the lives of nearly half the original group. 

The majority of the women who had arrived on the Mayflower had died during the first winter. For the English, the first Thanksgiving was celebrating that they had survived their first year in New England. The Plymouth colonists were likely outnumbered more than two-to-one at the event by their Native American guests. 

While the 1621 event may not have been called Thanksgiving, thanksgiving was certainly present in that historic celebration, just as it would play a defining role in how the tradition developed over the centuries.  

Like the original colonist, few have understood the power of giving thanks as thoroughly as Elie Wiesel, Holocaust survivor, and novelist. Here’s what Wiesel said on the Oprah Winfrey show:

OPRAH: “There may be no better person than you to speak about living with gratitude. Despite all the tragedy you've witnessed, do you still have a place inside you for gratefulness?”

ELIE: “Absolutely. Right after the war, I went around telling people, "Thank you just for living, for being human." And to this day, the words that come most frequently from my lips are, "Thank you." When a person doesn't have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.”

We hear a lot about being thankful, but living a life of gratitude isn’t easy. It requires time, effort, and faithful practice.

“Without effort, feelings of gratitude are often fleeting, passing as quickly as they come. For example, I’m grateful to have a clean bill of health but gripe as soon as a cold interferes with my busy life. I have a kitchen filled with food but complain about cooking and a closet filled with clothes but, “nothing to wear.”      Tiffany Musik Matthews 

Gratitude takes a conscious effort. In order to be grateful, we must first take the time to recognize that something has been done for our benefit. The culture’s prevalent attitude, ‘of what have you done for me lately,’ reflects expectation, not gratitude.

Gratitude is reflected in acts of kindness and generosity and is an indicator that something good has taken place. Is there a difference between experiencing a warm, fuzzy feeling from time to time and living a life of gratitude? Dr. Robert Emmons, Professor of psychology at UC Davis says,

“Feeling grateful is not the same as being a grateful person, a grateful a person is one who regularly affirms the goodness in his or her life and recognizes that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside of themselves.” Notice that Emmons says outside ourselves, not from us or because of us.

Those with a grateful heart feel more intensely grateful, on a regular basis, for multiple things, toward multiple people. While being grateful for positive events or moments of good fortune seems simple, but having a disposition toward gratitude suggests something more. For a Christ-follower a grateful heart is being thankful for salvation and for God’s blessings, but it is also able to be grateful in difficult circumstances.

Being truly grateful extends beyond convenience. As receivers of salvation and divine grace, we should strive to be grateful in all seasons of our lives. Titus 3:4-5. The evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude in our lives makes us happier and healthier people, but practicing gratitude is easier said than done. 

We can all find reasons to be grateful, but unfortunately, it’s more difficult to be appreciative of others. Kelsy Richardson, who did her graduate research on gratitude at Fuller Seminary, named pride as a major deterrent to gratitude said, “You would think that the opposite of being grateful is being ungrateful, but it’s actually selfishness or self-conceit. When you believe you deserve the good things you receive, you don’t feel the need to be grateful to others.”

In today’s age of entitlement, many are mistaken to think that all social problems, economic insecurity, poverty, racism and even their own discomfort will end today or tomorrow. Many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort, but we are not God and cannot guarantee what we desire. Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. “Sometimes with gratitude you just have to accept life as it is and be grateful for what you have,” says Emmons.

In daily life, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Brother David Steindl-Rast

 

Getting Clarity in Decisions

A young naval Ensign had proven his skills to his Captain and was looking forward to the day when he would successfully take the giant destroyer out of the dock and out into the open sea. Finally, the day arrived, and Ensigwas enthusiastically and quickly barking out orders to the crew with a flurry of hurried activities.

Another officer came to the Ensign to give him a radio report from the Captain. The Ensign thought it was kind of odd to receive a radio report from the Captain when he could have just come to him personally. Here was the radio message:

Congratulations on your excellent departure from the dock in record time. You did everything according to proper procedure and in fact, you broke a record, but there is one thing I want to bring to your attention, and that is, always before you depart make sure the Captain is on board.”

Sometimes our lives are like that. We got the procedures down, but we forget to make sure our Captain is on board. There are a lot of smart people who have a lot of knowledge but have a hard time applying it to their lives.

The speed of information today is utterly mind-blowing. With a simple click, we can know something anywhere in the world within seconds. We hear a lot of voices and have plenty of information about a lot of things, but what do we do with it?

What is knowledge and what is wisdom?
Unfortunately, there is not a direct correlation between knowledge and wisdom. Webster’s definition of wisdom says ‘Wisdom is accumulated philosophic or scientific learning, the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships.’

We all need wisdom. Wisdom is meant to be practical, not theoretical. Wisdom doesn’t mean you know more, but it’s what you do with what you know. 

The Hebrew word for wisdom is used to describe a skill to work, expertise, experience. The Apostle Paul said the Athenians prided themselves in their ‘deeper’ Greek philosophy of superior wisdom by saying, “They spend their time doing nothing, but talking and listening to the latest new ideas.” Acts 17:2

Wisdom does not necessarily have anything to do with age.
The book of Proverbs tells us that wisdom is developed by the choices you make and is dependent upon our heart’s willingness to grow. If you want to grow and make the wisest decisions in your life then seek God’s wisdom. Peter tells us,

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:5-8

Look Up With Patience and Prayer

In the last blog LookDown, Look Around or Look Up we saw that one of the choices we can make is to allow God’s love to be your life preserver. Secondly…

Let patience be your priority

We want our problems solved now or at least really soon. Here’s the problem and here is the quick solution, but God sees things differently. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts Isaiah 55:10

God uses our pain and disappointment to bring hope
We trust in things that aren’t going to last. God may test us to grow us, but not to grade us. Growth and hope are not guaranteed results of problems. It takes patience. Romans 5:3-5

And after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised… We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:15, 19

Yes, being patient with our problems is easy to talk about, but hard to do. No matter how big or small our problems are they will not usually be solved overnight. We live with them every day and some of them can wear us down whether we think they should or not.

God helps us to face our problems with patience by not facing them alone
Let wise trustworthy friends help you. By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2   Call, text or email those you care about or to those that care about you. Thirdly…

Let your prayer be your pressure release

We all need to talk to others, but we also need to talk to God.  O LORD, hear my plea for justice. Listen to my cry for help. Pay attention to my prayer, for it comes from an honest heart. Psalm 17:11

The psalmist is not phony and pietistic but honest with himself and God. Be honest and you’ll get an honest answer, but you might not get what you’re asking for. Thank God He doesn’t give us what we deserve, but what we really need and that is abundant grace.

God is never too busy to hear your complaint and is always available
Hurry with your answer, God I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! Psalm 143:7

Every day you and I can make time wherever we are to talk to God.

Mary's Song

What kind of winter are you having right now? Some of us are in a long difficult winter season of our lives that seems to last forever.

During this season we hear inescapable Christmas music and carols everywhere we go, on TV, radio, and malls. Some don’t feel like singing along. Most of us sing when things are going great, but what if they’re not, can we still sing?

For Israel it had been in a very long season of winter
It had been 400 years since God had spoken to them by the prophet Malachi, but God’s plan of redemption was not over. They were waiting for their Messiah. As prophesied by Isaiah God sent His only Son into their world to bring light and hope into their season of discontent.

The singing of songs and hymns goes way back to the Old Testament. Only Luke’s gospel includes four songs that have been sung for centuries by real people in real times of disappointment just like you and I. 

Luke’s four songs were sung by the quiet ones of Israel who were its’ real strength. People like Mary, Zechariah and Elizabeth and Simeon who kept the hope of Israel alive.

In those days the pheasant girl Mary had an amazing miraculous visitation from the angel Gabriel declaring she will give birth to the Son of God conceived by the Holy Spirit. While that was extremely good news for Israel Mary was understandably “greatly troubled” with the announcement. That’s putting it mildly. It was more like completely overwhelmed.

Imagine Mary thinking, “My parents are going to kill me when I tell them I’m pregnant.” Can you imagine the response of Mary's parents when they asked her who was the father and she told them the Holy Spirit? ”What, excuse me, come again, repeat that?” When the news hits her home town it will get even more painful for Mary.

Mary will endure harsh criticism, accusations, slurs, and incessant whispering from her friends and neighbors. Not just then, but for years. Before Mary breaks into her song she asked Gabriel, “How will this be since I am a virgin?”Gabriel told her, “For nothing is impossible with God.” What was Mary’s response?
                                       
                                           “May it be as you have said?” 

Can you hear Mary’s heart surrender to God? Whatever you say Lord, whatever you desire that’s what I want. She let go of that which she could not control. That’s hard isn’t it? Maybe I think I got to straighten things out on my own, especially if I’ve messed things up? I’m going to get myself out of this somehow. I’ll figure it out on my own. I think I have control.

In the midst of your winter of discontent who or what is your resource? Perhaps you think that God is unaware or detached from your life story? In the midst of deep discouragement the prophet Isaiah comforted Israel with these words:

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, “My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God”? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:27-29

Maybe I’m hesitant to come to God because I’m not sure if He cares or can really do anything about my situation? Yet, He wants us to come to Him.

God wants us be honest with who we are and who He is
He wants us to realize that we are dependent upon His grace and ability to do for us what we cannot do on our own. 
“God designed us to run on Him! He is the fuel our spirits are designed to burn.” John Eldredge

Mary could sing in the midst of her winter season because she knew that God had the desire and the power to see her through her difficult season of life and she understood his amazing grace.(Is.40:25-26; Col.1:16-17) Mary freely admitted she needed God’s power and grace. She could say, 'I need you God.' She could sing in the midst of her winter.

What about you? Can you sing like Mary when you’re frozen in your winter of discontent? It is possible by understanding His power and grace and telling God you need Him. Perhaps you can say along with Mary, “May it be as you have said.”   

Cultivating Gratitude

Imagine you fall off the side of an ocean liner and, not knowing how to swim, begin to drown. Someone on the deck spots you, flailing in the water and throws you a life preserver. It lands directly in front of you and, just before losing consciousness, you grab hold for dear life.

They pull you up onto the deck, and you cough the water out of your lungs. People gather around, rejoicing that you are safe and waiting expectantly while you regain your senses. After you finally catch your breath, you open your mouth and say: "Did you see the way I grabbed onto that life preserver? How tightly I held on to it? I was all over that thing!"

Needless to say, it would be a bewildering and borderline insane response. To draw attention to the way you cooperated with the rescue effort denigrates the whole point of what happened, which is that you were saved.

A much more likely chain of events is that you would immediately seek out the person who threw the life preserver, and you would thank them. Not just superficially, either. You would embrace them, ask them their name, invite them to dinner and maybe give them your cabin!
‘Law & Gospel’ (Mockingbird Ministries, 2015), page 73

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5.

Kelsy Richardson, who is currently conducting graduate research on ‘gratitude’ at Fuller Seminary, named pride as a major deterrent to gratitude said, “When you believe you deserve the good things you receive, you don’t feel the need to be grateful to others.”

“Without effort, feelings of gratitude are often fleeting, passing as quickly as they come. For example, I’m grateful to have a clean bill of health but gripe as soon as a cold interferes with my busy life. I have a kitchen filled with food but complain about cooking and a closet filled with clothes but, “nothing to wear.” Tiffany Musik Matthews

Research suggests that gratitude can’t simply be grouped with other emotions, like happiness or anger, because unlike other emotions, gratitude takes a conscious effort. In order to be grateful, we must first take the time to recognize that something has been done for our benefit. The culture’s prevalent attitude, ‘of what have you done for me lately,’ reflects expectation not gratitude.

Dr. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at UC Davis says, “Feeling grateful is not the same as being a grateful person, a grateful person is one who regularly affirms the goodness in his or her life and recognizes that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside of themselves.” Notice Emmons says that gratefulness does not come from us or because of us.

In today’s age of entitlement many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort, but we are not God and cannot guarantee what we desire. Being truly grateful extends beyond our own convenience. Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. With gratitude you accept life as it is and are grateful for what you have.

The evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude in our lives makes us happier and healthier people. As receivers of salvation and divine grace, we should strive to be grateful in all seasons of our lives.


In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.  Brother David Steindl-Rast

Who Can You Trust?

Who can you trust? Hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash. You can increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships by knowing...

We can trust God
I know that seems cliché to some of you, but it helps us to trust others by trusting God. The concept of trusting God has been so trivialized, overly simplified and misunderstood that many have a skewed perspective on what it means to trust God.

Contrary to some, trusting God and others is not easy. Unfortunately, some have even stigmatized God by the bad examples of his followers. They’ve been given an inaccurate spin and developed their own presuppositions of what God is like or even if there is a God.

It’s not surprising that trusting God is a common theme of the Bible with the words trust, faith or belief used interchangeably from cover to cover. The Bible makes it very clear that trusting God is a response to who and what He does. 

To trust Him with our life is the result of his revealing Himself to us through creation, his mighty deeds, his Word, and his faithfulness to keep all his promises. God is not a man that He should lie (Heb.6:17-18) or repent. What a refreshing reminder considering the lack of truth telling today.

God never needs to make an excuse for what He has said or done.

The Bible goes on to say that it’s impossible to please God without faith (Heb.11:6). So, the Bible is clear that we cannot have a relationship with God without trust or belief (John 3:16). Who needs a dead religion when you can have an intimate trusting relationship that matters and will last forever?

Now hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash…Yet, God is all-together different, transcending the boxes we put Him in. God desires us. God has and still is relentlessly and passionately pursuing us even if we think otherwise.

God has initiated trust with us not the other way around. Trust implies a relationship. From the Hebrews’ backs against the wall at the Red Sea, to Daniel in the Lion’s den, to David and his slingshot, to Job’s suffering, God has not deserted His people and He never will. God has proven He is trustworthy.

Grappling and understanding God’s unfathomable love for us enables us to not only trust him but others as well.

“The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free, to be free to receive love from people and be grateful for all the signs of God’s presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond it’s’ boundaries.”  Henri Nouwen

Join us next time about trusting others.

Mistakes Were Made But Not by Me

I blew it; I never should have said that! Have you ever felt bad about something you’ve said or done and wish you could take it back? Sure you have. We all have. Sadly, I’ve said things to people that weren’t said in love. It might have been true, but it wasn’t said in the right way.

The timing of my rationalized, yet hurtful words was bad. The person was too emotionally raw to hear my words. If you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth and regretted it you know what I mean. We might think that our words were reasonable and completely justified. After all, the words were true, didn’t they 'get it' are they really that ‘clueless’?

Here’s the hard part for many. We might have had the right intention, but the impact of our words or actions was not what we hoped for.

Unfortunately, unkind words and actions have caused the end of personal relationships and strained international relationships as well. See James 3:5-10

It’s going to be hard now after what I’ve said. What can I do now to make things better? I can apologize and say, “I’m sorry.” It sounds easy, but why is it so hard for so many to say that? Maybe it’s because we don’t really think we made a mistake?

In the fascinating and well researched book, Mistakes Were Made, (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts the authors explore people’s strong need for self-justification and the serious consequences.

“Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up to the huge implications of their decisions when they screw up?  Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves?  Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson

This self deception is seen in the words from the British politician, Lord Molson (1903-1991), "I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come." See Jesus’ parable the Mote and the Beam.

Have you ever noticed some people have 20/20 vision for faults and flaws and misdeeds of others but, complete myopia when it comes to themselves? Not you, of course, but some people do.
It's somebody else who has the problem.

In other words, the truth is we don’t see our blind spots, but others do. Other people know. They talk about it with each other, but this is just true for all of us, part of the human condition. Like the garden of old we confidently find fault with others, not owning up to what’s ours’.

Why is it so easy to justify and rationalize after we’ve hurt others? Maybe deep down we think they deserve it and were not even aware of it. Maybe it has more to do with us and not them. It can be different.

The question is…Am I quicker to pass judgment on or gossip about other people than I am to see and feel the painful truth about myself?

Hopefully, upon honest reflection you come to the realization that you made a big mistake. What can you do? Here are two suggestions:
First, before you apologize you must acknowledge that you made a mistake. Don’t rationalize and self-justify. Secondly, when you screw up admit,”I’m sorry for hurting you, I made a mistake, will you forgive me? I need to understand what went wrong. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

In the final analysis the test of an individual’s integrity does not depend on being mistake free. It depends on what we do after making the mistake. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu observed more than twenty-five-hundred years ago:

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it.

We all need help. What about you? Why not join me this week with a decision. If somebody says something to you that's critical, instead of leaning away, defending or dismissing, try being more open and ask them to tell you more. That takes guts, but by God’s grace He can open our eyes to see more clearly the truth about ourselves.

I invite you to share any comments or suggestions about how we can do better by admitting our mistakes on this blog or by email.

The Power of Words

Last week we looked at how showing mercy can open the door to healing and redemption in a divisive world. The words we use can help restore broken relationships and improve our current ones.

Controlling our tongue is the one of the hardest things in life. Peter tells us, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.” 1 Peter 3:10

A way to live in peace is to watch your words and your reactions to other’s words. 

We all regret things we’ve said? Part of managing our words in conversation is defining what we mean. Words don’t always mean the same thing to all people.  If one person says that’s bad, does that mean really bad or totally awesome? In difficult conversations define your words when necessary.

Words hurt. Words heal.
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

You can break a bone and it might take six weeks or a few months to heal, but some of you have been holding onto words for far too long. Emotional wounds take a whole lot longer to heal than physical wounds.

Our words can heal or tear down, delight, destroy, encourage or discourage. We can either compliment and encourage or destroy a relationship by our words.  Most of you know what I’m talking about. You don’t want to destroy someone that is so precious to you with your words unintentional or not.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Romans 14:19

Maturity grows when our concerns for others are greater than for ourselves.

God made us different and he did it on purpose. No one has the total picture and perspective on everything. You and I don’t have it all together, but we do need community. Despite our painful histories we need each other. God made it that way! 

God wants us to use our differences to enrich each other’s lives rather than to divide us. When we live out the six heart attitudes that we’ve been looking at in the last three blogs it will improve all of our relationships and reduce conflicts. Now, isn’t that what we all want and need?

My Way or God's Way?

In the previous blog we looked at how the word ‘submission’ has been radically misinterpreted. Unfortunately, history is full of women and other people groups that have been marginalized by unbiblical ‘under my thumb’ interpretations of submission.

So, it’s understandable this reality has impacted the how people view submission. Some think that submission means being used and abused by letting someone walk all over you to make them happy. That's not at all what it means. For some submission is all about getting their way.

My Way
Being exhausted of earning other’s approval for far too long can turn into my way This can look like ‘my way or the Highway.’ ‘This is the way things ought to be. If I ran everything, everything would be great!’

Women have come a long way since the Apostle Peter wrote about submission. The point of what Peter said in 1 Peter 3:3-4 was not meant to be a legalistic banning of beauty products or that women cannot improve their appearance. More importantly Peter empathizes the vastly superior value of the inner beauty of a woman in contrast to the danger of extravagant enslavement to fashion.

I think a little boy said it best when he asked his mom why she put so much stuff on her face? Her response, “Honey, if the barn needs painting, then I better paint it.” So, relax Mary Kay fans. But there is   a much better way to live.

God’s Way
A better way to see submission is being unselfishness. We need to learn to be unselfish in all of our relationships. But here’s the problem - we don’t think we are.  “I’m just fine, I’m getting what I want so why do I need to be unselfish.” I’m not selfish I just know what I want when I want and how and where I want it!”

James tells us that selfishness is a source of constant conflict

 
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice… What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
                                                                                                                              James 3:16; 4:1

When you boil down many conflicts someone in the conversation is being selfish and it’s always the other person!  God’s way of submission is seen in Christ’s submission to His Father’s will.

Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage, but rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross! Philippians 2:6-8

 

Under intense pressure and deep anxiety in the garden of Gethsemane Jesus submitted to His Father’s will, “Not my will, but thy will be done.” The result of that ultimate act of surrender revealed the heart of Jesus for His Father. Aren’t you glad Jesus’ submission to His Father brought you forgiveness and new life? 

When we bow our heart towards “Not my will, but thy will be done” we will not only experience true life-giving freedom, but it will also benefit others.

What Is Submission Anyway?

An important quality that is deeply needed in relationships is submission. Does that sound odd to you? In today’s culture the concept of submission has a negative connotation. Unfortunately, history is full of women and other people groups that have been marginalized by an unbiblical ‘under my thumb’ interpretations of submission. 

So, it’s understandable this reality has impacted the how people view submission. Yes, the word submission has an image problem, but what does scripture say?

Jesus himself was obedient and submissive to death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). In the scriptures Christ followers are to have a submissive attitude towards God, authorities, bosses, spouses and elders. The life of God in us looks like a life of submission. Submission impacts all our relationships.

The Greek word for submission has a military meaning and a non-military meaning. Many have only heard about the military use of getting in line, duty, etc., but the non-military use of submission is a voluntary attitude of cooperating, yielding, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.

Doesn’t that sound like the life of God in us? Cooperation. Yielding. Assuming responsibility. Carrying a burden. This is what we do for each other in the body of believers and it is what we do for those who we live closely with and those who do not yet believe. We submit in such a way that the life of God might be seen in us and help others see Him through our actions.

A better way to understand biblical submission is being unselfish in our relationships and having the courage to give up my rights to meet another person’s needs.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4

One main ingredient in living a satisfying life is the ability to be unselfish. We’ve all have choices with the way we choose to live and here are the most common.

Other’s Way – Living to make other people happy

What do you want me to be and do for you? This may include compromising my deepest values. It’s sad to see what people will do to earn other’s acceptance and approval.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. If I seek to please man, I am no longer pleasing God. Galatians 1:10 

You can exhaust yourself and lose your identity in trying to please people and eventually resent it and go underground. We might think that living for others’ ways is submission, but that’s not at all what it means. It’s not being used and abused by letting someone walk all over you to make them happy. There is another way.

My Way
Being exhausted of earning other’s approval for too long can turn into my way. For more on My way and the God’s Way join us for the next blog.

Is Loneliness a Solvable Problem?

Millions think that loneliness is a solvable problem and the solution is usually a person.

The reasoning goes something like this, ‘When’ I’m in a relationship or ‘when’ I get married I won’t be lonely anymore.’ So, each week over 40 million American lonely hearts pursue someone online to take their loneliness away. This pursuit takes a lot of time and it can be empty and exhausting.

In the movie Jerry McGuire, Jerry’s girlfriend said, “Jerry, you can’t be alone, you don't know how to be alone, you’ve never been alone.” Many believe the same thing about themselves. Four out of ten Americans admit frequent feelings of intense loneliness.

Loneliness has been described as: assuming others have it together, but you; taking inventory of your life and feeling you’ve made many wrong choices; you’re hurting, but no one understands your pain or it’s an aching to have someone to share your life with.

The reality is that all of us experience loneliness regardless of our relationship status.

A different perspective about loneliness can possibly change your life
There are a lot of reasons why people feel lonely and I’m sure you could provide your own list of reasons or definition. It is extremely helpful to know there is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. 

Loneliness is an emotional state of feeling disconnected from others
The problem is that we have unspoken assumptions about loneliness. We attach meaning to loneliness from our families and societal assumptions. I am unlovable. I am undesirable. I am a social failure. I am a bad person. Nobody could ever want to be with me. I am not a whole person unless I have a partner or spouse. I just can’t be alone. I deserve a relationship. I have to have some romantic relationship in my life. I’ll settle for bad love than no love at all. What would you add to the list?

Whatever the cause loneliness has very little to do with being single. Some of the loneliest people are married. Loneliness is not solved by marriage. Saying ‘I do” does not solve loneliness or guarantee intimacy. A study of 3,400 married couples by the University of Michigan revealed that 65% are profoundly unhappy and 70% said they wouldn’t marry the same person. While that survey may reflect today’s ‘selfie’ culture, it is what it is.

Aloneness is the physical state of being separated from others

All of us regardless of our relational status experience a sense of aloneness and yearn for relationships. Yet, loneliness is not dependent upon the lack of people in our lives. We can still feel lonely in a crowd as Albert Einstein said, “It’s strange that you can be known all around the world, but be so lonely.”

Extroverts can laugh and be around people constantly and still be a member of the lonely hearts club. For introverts aloneness can be less intimidating, but they have a greater risk of isolation and subjective introspection. Alone could simply mean, “I’m alone right now, no big deal, I have friends, family and co-workers.”

What do you do when you’re alone and feel sorry for yourself?After a tremendous victory over the false prophets of Baal the prophet Elijah was stretched to the max by the confrontation on Mount Carmel. His nerves were fried and he was hungry, thirsty and weary. Deeply distraught he prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,take my life.” Maybe you've said that before?

Elijah left his servant behind and journeyed into the wilderness all alone which made his situation even worse. Now alone, he had a pity party telling God he was the only faithful Jew in Israel. No wonder Jesus sent out the disciples in twos.

In times of fear and aloneness we need somebody to talk to and pray with to help give us clear perspective on our situation.  Like Elijah we can make poor decisions when we’re alone. In times like this we are especially vulnerable to the culture’s exploitation of relationships.

God is patient and worked with Elijah and brought him back to reality. God provided for him right where he was at and spoke to him in a still small voice. Thank God He is long suffering towards his children and speaks to us when we are feeling hurt and alone. He can do the same for you!

The Age of Naivete

Most of think we are not naïve, but when we are bad things can happen. We all can be wiser in our decision making by knowing what God says about being naïve.

The naive hang around people just like them. 
In Describing the naïve the proverbs say, "Let all who are naïve come in here!" she says to those who lack judgment.” Prov.9:15 

The people loved Jim Jones and Davis Koresh despite what they did or said. The naive not only cannot see the train wreck coming they also use each other. Our utilitarian culture screams out with, "If it  feels right" and “why not join the crowd?”

The naive have a hard time recognizing evil.
 A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it. Prov.22:3

Evil people’s lives are rarely apparent on the surface and appear quite ordinary to the superficial observer. On the surface many of the maniacal war criminals from Edi Amin, Mussolini and Hitler were thought of as men of the people.

British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain believed the Munich Agreement would result in lasting peace on the continent, famously remarking to a crowd of Londoners that he believed it was “peace for our time." Evidence would prove otherwise no matter how much Neville Chamberlain wanted Hitler’s sincerity to be true. In Germany the masses were easily seduced to not only tolerate evil, but even cooperate with it.

The simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge. Prov. 14:18

In the end of the day the simple will be filled with the fruit of their ways.Prov. 1:31-32

While it’s true that our upbringing, inherited tendencies, personalities and consequences influence our decision making, it is only God’s wisdom that can truly free us from our naïve leanings.

Is there hope for the naïve? 
Yes, the psalmist wrote, “The LORD protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me.” 

Psalm 116:6 

Thank God His grace intimately knows us, guards us and at times even saves us from our ways. In His mercy God instituted special atoning sacrifices for presumptuous and unintentional sins. Exek.45:20: Num.15:27-28. 

God has special grace toward those who do not have the ability to adequately discern the deeper decisions of life. I thank God He was gracious towards me while I made many poor choices in my earlier days.

The simple are easily swayed to believe almost anything or anyone. The naive have a tendency to look the other way and pretend they’re good, but it comes back to haunt them

The good news is that change is possible for the naïve, but it requires adversity. Prov. 19:25; 21:11
It is preferable to change our ways by seeing others’ punishment for their naïve decisions, but that is not usually the case. Too often the naïve require something that rocks their world that brings them to true change.
It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. Psalms 119:71

God uses His Word to bring about change. 
Ultimately, God directly speaks to the naïve in order to bring about change. Listen to Him speak.

The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul. The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy, making wise the simple. The unfolding of your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple. Psalms 19:7; 119:130

God uses people to bring about change.
Sometimes those people can be a family member, a friend, co-worker or even a stranger. Whoever it may be they can be a messenger sent directly from God if we accept it. Their words may be hard to hear, but exactly what we need in order for us to grow in everyday wisdom.

In our search for everything wisdom we need to identify the naïve places of our lives and allow God’s wisdom to change our hearts.

The beginning of knowledge is the fear of the Lord, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Prov.1:7

A Better Way Than Getting Even

Legend has it that just before painting the faces of the disciples in the Lord’s Supper Leonardo DaVinci had a terrible argument with a fellow artist. He determined to paint his adversary’s face into the portrait is that of Judas Iscariot and thus take revenge by handing down the man in infamy and scorn for generations.

The face of Judas was one of the first he finished and everyone could easily recognize the face of a painter with whom he quarreled. However, when it came time to paint the face of Christ Da Vinci couldn’t make any progress at all.  Something seemed to be frustrating even his best efforts.

He came to the realization that the cause of this difficulty was in his bitterness and lack of forgiveness towards his fellow painter.  He concluded that you cannot the same time be painting the features of Christ in your own life and painting another with the colors of hatred and enmity.

King Saul relentlessly and unjustly chased David all over Israel to take his life. In his pursuit of David Saul stopped into a cave to relieve himself unaware that David and his men were hiding in the back of the cave. David had the perfect opportunity to take out Saul. His men said, ‘Saul has tried to kill you several times, so take care of your enemy now and take the throne that is rightfully yours.’ David persuaded his men not to retaliate.

Instead, David crept up unnoticed and cut off a corner of Saul’s robe while he was taking care of business. David didn’t gloat, but his conscience was bothering him about what he did. In response to his conscience David did an amazingly gracious thing. I Samuel 24:8-13

There is a better way than getting even
David told Saul, ‘You’re listening to inaccurate counsel and wrong information about me.’ David told the person who needed to hear it the most, not to Saul’s men, not to Israel, but to Saul himself. He spoke to the person with whom his battle was with.

When we have been wronged it's important to graciously convey the truth to the person involved no matter who they are,even if its' the king. Some tend to think to leave it alone, it will work out. David did not.

The desire for revenge is one of the most subtle temptations in life

Saul thought was, ‘If you don’t hate David as much as I do, then you’re my enemy.’ When we label someone as bad we can feel justified in getting back. Resentment and retaliation reduces us to the one who did that awful thing to me.

Saul didn’t want a civil conversation he wanted revenge. Today, vengeance can be disguised as ‘My rights.’ It wasn’t fair, so I’ll get you back! I’m not talking about national defense here, but personal harm done to us. How often should we seek revenge? God doesn’t say sometimes, but “Vengeance is mine.”

David was unjustly and severely mistreated by Saul. At that very vulnerable time in the cave David could have exacted revenge. His friends would have applauded, but he would have had to live with his decision for the rest of his life. 

The blame game is lame

What about you? If you’re holding a grudge toward someone and treating them accordingly it will not turn out well for you and those around you. For your own sake and others ask God to free you from the ball and chain you’re dragging around.

If there’s any blame leave it with God, don’t live with it. Maybe God can’t finish his masterpiece in your life until the enmity you have with someone is gone when give it to Him. As the grateful forgiven Apostle Paul said…

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.  Romans 12:19

Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.  Martin Luther King

When life’s subtle temptation of retaliation draws you in, refuse to give into it. You’ll never regret forgiving someone who doesn’t deserve it.

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.  Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:8-9