Give Gifts That People Really Need

 

Too many of us have unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be or what it was once and maybe even a sentimental view of the manger. Let’s look at the Christmas story from a different perspective.

I heard once, “If Jesus was at my family’s Christmas he wouldn’t be so optimistic about loving people.” During this season we encounter all kinds of different people. In the Christmas story, there were…

Disappointed people
Zechariah and Elizabeth faithfully served God the best they knew how. Elizabeth was old and barren in an age when being without children was considered a curse or perhaps worse yet, it was because of something you did to displease God.

Perhaps a strained relationship as well. When the priest Zechariah was told by the angel that his wife would have a child Zechariah’s natural response was, “How can I be sure of this, my wife and I are too old and worn out.” As a result of Zechariah’s unbelief, he did not speak until his son John was born.

Stressed out people
All is calm, all is bright. Really? Mary was probably around thirteen when she was pregnant and told Joseph that the father was the Holy Spirit. Joseph: Would you repeat that, please… Needless to say, he didn’t believe her. Are you really going to stay with that story, Mary? Joseph wanted to spare Mary public disgrace and humiliation and planned to quietly divorce her. There was a scandal in Galilee.

Then Joseph was visited by an angel and changed his mind about divorcing Mary and told her that we should just go ahead and get married anyway. They came from a very strict religious place, not unlike where some of us lived. 

They were a poor couple who were financially strapped during tax season and now they're on a difficult long journey with no place to stay. Joseph didn’t even think to call ahead and book the cheapest B&B or Motel 6.

Unsavory people
How many people have ‘The Great’ tacked on after their name like Herod? Paranoid about losing his power to a prophesied Jewish King, Herod ordered the murder of all the boys in Bethlehem who were two years and under. 

Warned by an angel Joseph and Mary took Jesus and fled to Egypt to live in a foreign place with a radically different culture and language and where the locals didn’t really want them around. If they took the Stress Test today they would be off the charts.

Strange and despised people
The Magi were Persians who looked very different than those living in Palestine. They believed in astrology which was strictly forbidden for the Jews. Then there were the dishonest and despised shepherds. If you were a good Jew you didn’t want your daughter hanging out with these guys.

Jesus lived in a world with plenty of people like the ones mentioned, but he gave them love anyway. This Christmas you can give better gifts that people really need.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

The first gift you can give to the difficult people in your life is…
The gift of grace
Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery, “Where are your accusers? There are none Lord, “Neither do I condemn you...” For the son of man came not to condemn the world, but to save it.” John 3:17

There is no one in your life who doesn’t need grace. Everybody needs grace. You might think someone doesn’t deserve grace and you know what, they don’t, but God gives it anyway. Only God knows what they deserve. A lot of times we don’t know their backgrounds and wounds. 

We all have certain leanings, some of us have a high capacity for gratitude, and others of us are constantly whining, but Jesus is full of grace to all of us. Are you? The second gift is...

The gift of truth
Jesus was full of grace, but not just grace. He was also full of truth. Grace without truth isn’t enough to grow in. Jesus was full of grace but also full of truth. It’s really hard to speak the truth sometimes. We might think we’re really good at telling someone the truth.

We can simply share the truth and a person will change. Wow, I really needed that I’m going to change right now. Yet, when we're face to face with someone we struggle with the right words to say.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15 The third gift is…

The gift of time
Time is a precious commodity. Some think one conversation will be enough to persuade a person to change. We’re impatient, we want to microwave people. I had one conversation with ______and he didn’t change, what’s the deal?

Jesus tells this great story. There’s this guy who sees a fig tree that looked dead and said, “Let’s cut it down?” The gardener says, “No not yet, give it another year, fertilize and prune it, I’m still working on this tree.” Of course, the gardener (Jesus) is still at work in those whom we might write off.

There have been people in your life for which you’ve tried to help several times and you finally came to a point of actually giving up on them. But you’re not in charge of them. God is working on that tree. He’s working on your tree. 

All you can bring to the table is you. The only heart you can bring to the table is yours. The question is will you bring grace, truth, and time to them? It’s a lot easier to think about it than do it.

Maybe you’re not a grace, truth, and time person, but you can be a conduit for it if you start with this Christmas letting God love you.

Israel was living in a very stressful time in their history and they weren’t sure if they were loved. I can’t really love if I don’t I know I have more than enough love coming my way. God says to them, ‘Even if a mom would forget her child I could never forget you. I love you too much…Your name is engraved in the palm of my hand.’ Isaiah 49:14-15

That was what Jesus did in his life, He showed love to the disappointed people, stressed-out people, unsafe people, embarrassed people, all the difficult people in his life and he gave them grace, truth, and time. Then he went to a cross and stretched out his hands and allowed the cruel spikes to pierce his hands and your name got engraved in his palm.

You see, there are a lot of people who don’t know they’re loved. This could be a Christmas unlike any other. Maybe your pain is so deep; your emotions are so raw you have no idea where to start to love others the way Jesus did. God knows this.

You don’t have to figure out what to do or say. All you have to do is bring your heart to God right now and ask Him to help you let go of your bitterness, resentment, fear, the anxiety that’s been keeping you in your own prison. Help us God to acknowledge that our peace does not come from within ourselves, but from you, for you are our peace.

Merry Christmas

Compassion and Humility in a Divisive World

How can we live in harmony in such a divisive world? Last week we looked at two heart attitudes that can foster harmony. There are two more significant heart postures that can help us develop new meaningful lasting relationships and improve our current ones.

Compassionate Heart
Showing compassion takes sympathy a step further. There are two ways we can show compassion in our relationships:

What we say.
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Does this verse characterize your speech and lifestyle?  Words that build others up makes other people appreciate you’re around, it meets needs. Or are your words like bombs filled with hurt and pain? Part of reducing conflict is choosing the right words at the right time in the right place.

How we act.
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. 1 John 3:18

What can I do for you?  Rate yourself on  a compassion scale of 1 to 10. If the people closest to you say your prevalent attitude is, “How can you make my life better?” give yourself a 1-2.
Give yourself a 9 if you are constantly looking for ways to make life better for others.

Humble Heart
When we’re unwilling to compromise it’s highly likely that we’ll have little harmony or resolution in our lives. Humility is recognizing we don’t have it altogether and being honest with our weaknesses, our failings and willing to admit our mistakes. I’m willing to say four words, “I need your help.” To say you need help takes humility. 

Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment. Romans 12:3

Humility also enables me to say I was wrong. It’s hard to be honest and vulnerable isn’t it? Humility is able to say, “forgive me.” It may be hard for some to say that, but when we remember how much God has graced our lives and forgiven us we can say, “I’m sorry I was wrong, please forgive me.”

Scripture encourages us to bear one another’s burdens, but how do I know what’s yours’ or how do you know what’s mine unless we share it?

How would you rate your level of humility 1 to 10? If you can’t back down and are defensive and can’t admit your wrong and ask forgiveness give yourself a 1. If you haven’t said “I was wrong” since 2000 give yourself a 1.” Give yourself a 9 if you can easily ask other people for help and admit that you’re wrong. You get the idea.

Join us next time for more heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships.

Live in Harmony

NPR's radio show This American Life ran a segment about a marketing executive from Colombia named Jose Miguel Sokoloff. The government of Columbia hired Jose to run an ad campaign that would convince the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia or FARC guerrilla rebels to demobilize and reenter society.

In 2010 Jose and his team ran a campaign called "Operation Christmas," but they saved their most effective ad campaign for last. After three Christmas ad campaigns, due to political changes [Jose] and his team knew they had to try something new.

Then in 2012, the two warring sides began peace talks that seemed very promising. So, the question was no longer: Is this a winnable war? but this: Since the war is probably going to end, will my community back home take me in again? Will my family still accept me?

And that's when they dropped probably their biggest emotional bomb, a campaign they called simply "Mothers' Voices." They found 37 mothers of guerrilla fighters who were willing to give them pictures of those fighters as children.

Jose said, “It was important that they gave us pictures of the kids when they were small, because in order to protect them, we needed to make sure that only the person in the picture would be able to recognize himself. And the message was, "Before you were a guerrilla, you were my child. Come back home. I'm waiting for you."

They printed up thousands of these posters and hung them in towns that the guerrillas moved through and nailed them to trees as well. With a simple, moving focus, the "Mothers' Voices" proved you don't have to do something huge to win someone over. In this case, you just needed a mom and her love for her wayward child. 331 guerillas came out of the jungle and went home to their mothers.

Although our experiences are different than this our hearts can relate to this amazing story of re-connection. We all need re-connection and harmony in our relationships, but it’s far easier said than done. What does that look like for you and I? What can we do to foster harmony and improve our relationships?

Six heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships
Sympathy - Understanding, validating, and affirming someone in their sorrow.
It’s much easier to rejoice with someone than to be with them in their sadness. Sympathy meets two basic needs:

1. We all have a need to be understood. 

2. We all need our feelings validated.  It’s great when someone not only understands us, but validates our feelings. We might not feel the way they do, but we can validate them anyway.

How do I become more sympathetic? Use your ears more. When we listen intentionally, we’re saying, “You matter to me, your valuable!”

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.  James 1:19

The problem with slowing down to be a better listener is that we’re in such a hurry to get our point across. We want people to understand us that we can miss out on what someone is actually saying. Seek first to understand, then to be understood! 

If I’m sympathetic to you I’ll be more likely to cut you some slack. For some the source of conflict in their lives is because their experiences have never been validated by anyone. We might not give someone the time of day or care about their story.  We may not “feel the way they do,” but we don’t need to belittle or downgrade them or ridicule their fears and doubts.

How would you rate yourself on a scale 1-10?  If most say you’re always understanding give yourself a 7-8. If people closet to you tell you that you ignore their feelings all the time give yourself a 1. You get the idea.

Loyalty – Be committed to each other. Were in this together!

If you’re Christ follower you and I are not in competition with each other, were on the same team to cooperate and work together! When were irritated with someone we can get so focused on the problem we can forget about the value of the relationship. Stop attacking each other and ask what’s the best way we can work this out?

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves…Accept one another.   Romans 12:10; 15:7

I might angry with you, but I’m committed to you and our relationship. We might vehemently disagree, but were on the same team and I will be loyal to you no matter the cost. Accepting someone doesn’t mean I approve of their choices and that’s hard! I got faults, you got faults, but we make allowances within reason.

Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 1 Thessalonians 4:9

Join us next time for more heart attitudes that fosters harmony and improves our relationships.