Look Up With Patience and Prayer

In the last blog LookDown, Look Around or Look Up we saw that one of the choices we can make is to allow God’s love to be your life preserver. Secondly…

Let patience be your priority

We want our problems solved now or at least really soon. Here’s the problem and here is the quick solution, but God sees things differently. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts Isaiah 55:10

God uses our pain and disappointment to bring hope
We trust in things that aren’t going to last. God may test us to grow us, but not to grade us. Growth and hope are not guaranteed results of problems. It takes patience. Romans 5:3-5

And after waiting patiently, Abraham received what was promised… We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:15, 19

Yes, being patient with our problems is easy to talk about, but hard to do. No matter how big or small our problems are they will not usually be solved overnight. We live with them every day and some of them can wear us down whether we think they should or not.

God helps us to face our problems with patience by not facing them alone
Let wise trustworthy friends help you. By helping each other with your troubles, you truly obey the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2   Call, text or email those you care about or to those that care about you. Thirdly…

Let your prayer be your pressure release

We all need to talk to others, but we also need to talk to God.  O LORD, hear my plea for justice. Listen to my cry for help. Pay attention to my prayer, for it comes from an honest heart. Psalm 17:11

The psalmist is not phony and pietistic but honest with himself and God. Be honest and you’ll get an honest answer, but you might not get what you’re asking for. Thank God He doesn’t give us what we deserve, but what we really need and that is abundant grace.

God is never too busy to hear your complaint and is always available
Hurry with your answer, God I’m nearly at the end of my rope. Don’t turn away; don’t ignore me! Psalm 143:7

Every day you and I can make time wherever we are to talk to God.

Is Loneliness a Solvable Problem?

Millions think that loneliness is a solvable problem and the solution is usually a person.

The reasoning goes something like this, ‘When’ I’m in a relationship or ‘when’ I get married I won’t be lonely anymore.’ So, each week over 40 million American lonely hearts pursue someone online to take their loneliness away. This pursuit takes a lot of time and it can be empty and exhausting.

In the movie Jerry McGuire, Jerry’s girlfriend said, “Jerry, you can’t be alone, you don't know how to be alone, you’ve never been alone.” Many believe the same thing about themselves. Four out of ten Americans admit frequent feelings of intense loneliness.

Loneliness has been described as: assuming others have it together, but you; taking inventory of your life and feeling you’ve made many wrong choices; you’re hurting, but no one understands your pain or it’s an aching to have someone to share your life with.

The reality is that all of us experience loneliness regardless of our relationship status.

A different perspective about loneliness can possibly change your life
There are a lot of reasons why people feel lonely and I’m sure you could provide your own list of reasons or definition. It is extremely helpful to know there is a difference between loneliness and aloneness. 

Loneliness is an emotional state of feeling disconnected from others
The problem is that we have unspoken assumptions about loneliness. We attach meaning to loneliness from our families and societal assumptions. I am unlovable. I am undesirable. I am a social failure. I am a bad person. Nobody could ever want to be with me. I am not a whole person unless I have a partner or spouse. I just can’t be alone. I deserve a relationship. I have to have some romantic relationship in my life. I’ll settle for bad love than no love at all. What would you add to the list?

Whatever the cause loneliness has very little to do with being single. Some of the loneliest people are married. Loneliness is not solved by marriage. Saying ‘I do” does not solve loneliness or guarantee intimacy. A study of 3,400 married couples by the University of Michigan revealed that 65% are profoundly unhappy and 70% said they wouldn’t marry the same person. While that survey may reflect today’s ‘selfie’ culture, it is what it is.

Aloneness is the physical state of being separated from others

All of us regardless of our relational status experience a sense of aloneness and yearn for relationships. Yet, loneliness is not dependent upon the lack of people in our lives. We can still feel lonely in a crowd as Albert Einstein said, “It’s strange that you can be known all around the world, but be so lonely.”

Extroverts can laugh and be around people constantly and still be a member of the lonely hearts club. For introverts aloneness can be less intimidating, but they have a greater risk of isolation and subjective introspection. Alone could simply mean, “I’m alone right now, no big deal, I have friends, family and co-workers.”

What do you do when you’re alone and feel sorry for yourself?After a tremendous victory over the false prophets of Baal the prophet Elijah was stretched to the max by the confrontation on Mount Carmel. His nerves were fried and he was hungry, thirsty and weary. Deeply distraught he prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,take my life.” Maybe you've said that before?

Elijah left his servant behind and journeyed into the wilderness all alone which made his situation even worse. Now alone, he had a pity party telling God he was the only faithful Jew in Israel. No wonder Jesus sent out the disciples in twos.

In times of fear and aloneness we need somebody to talk to and pray with to help give us clear perspective on our situation.  Like Elijah we can make poor decisions when we’re alone. In times like this we are especially vulnerable to the culture’s exploitation of relationships.

God is patient and worked with Elijah and brought him back to reality. God provided for him right where he was at and spoke to him in a still small voice. Thank God He is long suffering towards his children and speaks to us when we are feeling hurt and alone. He can do the same for you!

Honesty in the Journey

All of us struggle and no one is exempt. Bad things happen to good people. A phone call, a hard conversation or a heartbreaking doctor’s report. None of us can escape pain no matter how hard we try. Pain is inevitable, misery is an option.

We can run from our pain or fight it or become cynical and detached. As Simon and Garfunkle sang,
“I touch no one and no one touches me. I am rock and rock feels no pain and an island never cries.”  Many people won’t admit to themselves but they have resigned themselves to, “Is this all I get? I guess this is the best there is.”

We all struggle with something
Whether it’s physical or emotional pain, the pain of failure or a broken relationship, or the pain of honesty. Many are struggling to just to make it through the day.  Some pretend that everything’s okay when their dying inside.  They’re not trying to fool themselves, but maybe they’re trying to fool everyone else. Maybe they think inside that they don’t measure up or that what they’re struggling with is so embarrassing it would not be worthy of someone’s time.

Could it be that we have created a false image of what it means to be a spiritually mature person? As if, being a spiritually mature you don’t ever get depressed, worried or disappointed.  So, many put on a happy face.  Image management can become exhausting and it’s not very fun either.  Far too many buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t even know.

Some of us have been around some older folk when the filters come off and they’re not trying to impress anyone anymore. That can be uncomfortable or refreshing. We’re all human and we all drop the ball.  

Everything doesn’t have to have a positive spin
We don’t have to manufacture positive emotions to assess our lives. God created us with a yearning for belonging and acceptance.  When we understand and experience God’s unconditional love and acceptance we can begin working from acceptance and not for acceptance. As Augustine said, “You have made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its’ rest in You.”

When we’ve been deeply wounded it’s understandable to try to protect our hearts by isolating ourselves. When we are in our deepest struggle we need to stop running away from people.  Do you have someone you can run to?  

We all need people that when we mess up, they run to pick us up. They need to know we need help. It is in community that God brings His greatest healing. We need people who will believe in us and fight for us.

God doesn’t waste your pain
Nothing needs to be wasted on the editing room floor of your life. God can use your pain. If you can be honest and learn how to embrace your pain it can be a gift to you and for others. Since pain is inescapable ask God how He can use your pain to help others.

The God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4

Being Free

When we lose or damage our dignity by philosophy, someone, something or by ourselves we can feel deeply humiliated. Several humiliated and oppressed people groups have developed from centuries of human slavery to the Taliban and have left their undeniable marks on our world.

There is an old story that Abraham Lincoln went down to the slave block to buy back a slave girl. As she looked at the white man bidding on her, she figured he was another white man, going to buy her and then abuse her. He won the bid and as he was walking away with his property, he said, "Young lady, you are free."

She said, "What does that mean?"

"It means you are free."

She said, “Does that mean that I can say whatever I want to say?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, my dear, you can say whatever you want to say."

"Does that mean," She said, "That I can be whatever I want to be?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, you can be whatever you want to be."

"Does that mean I can go wherever I want to go?"

He said, "Yes, you can go wherever you want to go."

With tears streaming down her face, she said, "Then I will go with you."

Like this young lady we are given a choice to be free. God want s us to be free.

Like the Hebrews we don’t want to go back to Egypt do we? Like the freed lion we don’t want to be reintroduced to the cage. We want to stay free. Free from the things that kept us enslaved and stuck.

We need to be aware of the subtle temptations to cave into the things that once kept us enslaved. What are you allowing to have control over you? What desire, activity, substance or environment has a tendency to lure you into its trap? What is it you cave into? Who is it? What is it? Name it. Why can’t you say no?

Biblical self-control is not self-mastery or your strong will power. Biblical self-control is empowered by God’s spirit who wants to heighten our determination to STAY FREE!

We need to fight for our freedom by making the choices that God wants for us. Most of us have the freedom to choose many things, but some of those choices are definitely not the best for us.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.  1 Corinthians 6:12

You regain or retain your freedom and dignity by making two choices
Firstly, run when you need to!
Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. 2 Timothy 2:22

Nobody is exempt from going backwards,we all have weaknesses, character defects and blind spots. Whether it’s a person, place or thing that will take you to places you will regret later you need to leave. Don’t go there. Don’t rationalize or justify, just flee.

Secondly, allow God to change your heart

The story of our lives involves our hearts. True lasting change is a work of the heart not merely an outward appearance. As Solomon said, “The heart is the well spring of life.” So much of who we are originates from our hearts, whether it’s our dreams, passion, disappointment, genuineness, love or fulfillment.

When we are deeply hurt by betrayal, abuse or deep neglect our hearts become calloused, hard, stunted, resentful and defensive. Sadly, over time our hearts begin to close. As a result we can unintentionally disengage our hearts by medicating ourselves with empty trivial pursuits.

This elusive pursuit produces a kind of numbness in our hearts and we unknowingly miss out on God’s best for us.  We wonder where did the joy go and we become hindered to see ourselves and others realistically. As the blind Helen Keller said, “It is better to see with you heart than to have two eyes and see nothing.”

Join us next time for the other two life giving choices...

The Road to Freedom

A wild lion was enticed by a raw hunk of meat carefully disguised on a net and was quickly captured and imprisoned in a Cairo zoo.  Sadly, this is once proud king of the jungle who was once free to roam was now enslaved in a 100 by 100 cell and endured ceaseless jeering and junk food thrown at him.

Five long years later he was released into the wild to be free again. A few weeks later after losing several pounds and starving he once again sees a juicy hunk of raw meat.

Now, what would be your counsel to him? Now, Mr. Lion last time one bite cost you your freedom and your dignity, don’t you think you should consider…

All of us have areas in our lives that we would love to do better at or get under control.
No matter the issue millions have tried everything from self-help books to counseling, but to no avail. It was said of Alexander the Great that he could conquer the world, but not himself.

For some their character flaws, habits and hang ups have destroyed or damaged their relationships and their well-being. They can’t seem to stop or overcome that one thing they are enslaved to.
Don’t you realize that you become the slaves of whatever you choose to obey?  Romans 6:16

Our instant gratification culture doesn’t help either. It not only enables us to cave in, but makes it easy to quit. As Oscar Wilde said, “The only way to overcome temptation is to simply give into it.” The enemy of our heart knows our weaknesses and seeks to enslave us, but God desires to set us free.

A Lack of Self-Control Impacts Our Freedom In At least Four Areas
Physically
Whether it’s a substance or our lifestyle the physical choices we make can destroy the body God gave us and negatively impact our relationships (1 Corinthians 6:19). The problem for many is that they stop a destructive behavior far too late regardless of what it is. Like the executioner who asked the prisoner before his execution “Do you want a smoke?” “No thanks I’m trying to quit.”

Financially  Proverbs 24:30-34
The majority of Americans can relate to the woman who said, “I shop like a bull, I charge everything.” No need to elaborate any further here. We need to learn how to live within our means. Apparently hard to do, but we need to intentionally decide in advance the difference between what we actually need and what we want.

Relationally
From the internet to substances our lack of self-control has damaged and even destroyed our most important relationships. We pay dearly for the words we say. Rabbi Joseph Telushkln, author of Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, has lectured throughout country on the powerful and often negative impact of words. He often asks audiences if they can go 24 hours without saying any unkind words about, or to another person.

Invariably, a small number of listeners raise their hands with a “yes.” Others laugh, and quite a large number call out. “no!” The Rabbi says that, “If you cannot go 24 hours without saying unkind words about others, then you have lost control over your tongue.”See the Impact of Our Words.Our tongue has caused personal and international conflicts.

When words are many, sin is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is wise. Proverbs 10:19
The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

Spiritually
During the wilderness wanderings when the Hebrews couldn’t wait any longer for Moses to return from Mount Sinai they corrupted themselves into a party atmosphere of golden calf worship.When Moses saw this spectacle in righteous anger he broke the original tablets of the commandments on the ground…

Our lack of patience can hurt our spiritual vitality and our relationship with God. There are consequences, as the ancient Chinese proverb says,“One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster, but one moment of impatience may ruin a life.”

Knowing You Are Pursued

We are not in Eden, Mayberry or Disney World.
We live in the real world where life doesn’t go as we planned. People break our hearts and we do the same. In this broken fallen world is there something that can give us a deeper sense of sustaining hope? Yes.

Despite all the bad news that comes our way when we know we are truly loved we can continue on. When we know we are truly wanted and pursued by someone it gives us hope to hang in there.

Because many of us have never felt so loved we have pursued lesser things that have left us numb and empty. Many have never been pursued or even noticed all of their lives. Who has passionately pursued you in the right way?

In the movie The Last of the Mochicans Nathaniel, raised by the Mohican Indians is in love with Cora, the daughter of a proud British Colonel. In one of the final scenes Cora, Nathaniel and others, are trapped behind a waterfall with a rival Indian tribe closing in.

Before Nathaniel jumps into the massive waterfall to escape he passionately tells Cora, “Just stay alive no matter what, do whatever you have to do and no matter where, no matter how long, no matter how far, I will find you.” In the climax he relentlessly pursued and rescued Cora.

God is saying the same thing to you. He believes you’re worth pursuing. The divine romancer will passionately come after you no matter where you are or how far you’ve gone! Even if you don’t want to be pursued or think you don't need it He will not give up on you.

God could have given up on His love affair with mankind. He could have demanded our loyalty or made us love Him, but he didn’t. Thankfully, we don’t have to get God to love us by doing something right.

There is nothing we need to do to make Him love us, because His love for us is not based on what we’ve done, but whose we are. We are His.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. I John 4:10

Before the foundations of the world God loved you.
He wanted you then and still does today. You are constantly on His heart. He will never forget you or get tired of you. His passionate love for you will never be exhausted. May God always be your ultimate place of hope!

Are You Happy?

The article’s title in the in-flight magazine caught my eye, ‘What does it mean to be happy? Experts Disagree. ‘After a list of several definitions, the summary was - my-happiness-is-better-than-your-happiness… Like everything else, our culture has turned happiness into some sort of an achievement, a contest, like a beauty pageant. Be bigger, smarter, faster, and better looking.

In today’s age of entitlement many are mistaken to think that all social problems, economic insecurity, poverty, racism and even their own discomfort will end today or tomorrow. Many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort. We’ve bought into the conventional wisdom that happiness comes from something we do. 

We do this, we do that, we go here, we go there, and we just “do it.” Maybe happiness comes from having more or having ‘the’ vacation in that special place? Or being in the right place with the right person at just the right time? Yet, millions of Americans confess that in the midst of their pursuit of happiness they have not experienced it. Are we chasing something unattainable?

While I was in Uganda the locals told me,’ you Americans measure your happiness by what you do and have, we measure our happiness by the friends we have. Sharing a meal or taking a walk is enough for us.’  In contrast many don’t know how much enough is.  Charles Dickens said, “Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

What if we had nothing to prove or no score to settle and no one to impress?  What if our happiness did not come from power, or the need to dominate or defeat, but from mutual respect grounded in God’s love?  

Could happiness be found in the simpler things in life that we might take for granted? 
Like a breathtaking sunrise or sunset, a song, a conversation or the smell after a spring rain or a tear from a good movie, or a smile from a stranger.

Are we able to say with the apostle Paul, “…for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Philippians 4:11
  
This all begs a question. How can we train our eye to see and appreciate the simpler things in life and thereby discover joy and contentment? Is there is a spiritual discipline to practice or another book to read?

Maybe it’s as simple as asking yourself each day, what am I grateful for today? How did I enjoy today or what surprised me today? Perhaps ask someone else those questions rather than the typical how are you? We can all say thank you to God for ____________ far more often. Try it you might like it.

Sometimes with gratitude you just have to accept life as it is and are grateful for what you have. “He is a wise man who does not grieve over the things he has not, but rejoices for those which He has” Epictetus

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy. Brother David Steindl-Rast

God Has an Open Door for You

If I Chose the Wrong Door I Missed Gods Will for My Life
Now, I’ll just have to settle for second best. People who don’t like the outcome of one decision obsess over what might have happened if they had chosen differently.  Like person who comes to believe he should have made a different career choice and lives with a chronic sense of guilt.  A woman believes she married the wrong man and fantasizes over an imaginary marriage to the man she now decides was Plan A.

It seems that many of us tend to think more often in a negative direction than a positive one. We think disproportionately about the outcomes that disappoint us and not the ones that filled us with gratitude that we could have missed out on.

As author John Ortberg says,“The Apostle Paul makes a great distinction. He says there is a godly sorrow that brings repentance and a worldly that brings death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)  The right kind of sorrow over a bad decision creates energy rather than despair. It helps us to learn from past mistakes and grow into wisdom. Worldly sorrow is depleting. In worldly sorrow we look at our bad choices as though the world rather than God is our only hope.”   

God’s will for my life is centered mainly in who he wants me to become.

God Could Never Understand My Frustration about Closed Doors
One of the most famous pictures of a door in the history was by the  artist William Holman Holt. It

shows the figure of a single man, standing outside the little home he wants to enter to be allowed in. We cannot tell if there is anyone inside or if the door will ever be opened. 

Imagine if you stood outside someone’s home knocking on the door, not knowing whether you will be allowed in. God has given to every person the door to their own heart, and God himself will not force his way in.

No person has ever faced the pain of rejection as much as God has. God is not just the one who opens doors; he is the one who stands knocking at closed doors. He is the most rejected person in the history of the world. If he is willing to stand at the door of my heart and knock, who am I to give up?

Some Doors Are So Closed That God Can’t Do Anything About It
Locked door are God’s specialty. If God can open the heavy door of a sealed tomb, no door is closed to Him. Consider after the resurrection the doors of the house the disciples were locked, but Jesus appeared to them. Later, doors were shut were his followers were he showed up and said, “Peace be with you.”

The doors of our lives are not closed to God. Know that he can enter our everyday stuff with his presence and peace and show us that his power can change our perspective even when things  look grim. Open doors are new every morning.

Give Gifts That People Really Need

This blog is not for you if you have no difficult people in your life. If everyone in your life is easy to get along with and you have no relational difficulties at all then don’t read this.

When we say to someone, “Here’s what you need to do to change” it usually doesn’t turn out so well for us. Too many of us have unrealistic expectations of what Christmas should be and maybe even an antiseptic view of the manger. Let’s look at the Christmas story from a different perspective.

I heard once, “If Jesus was at my family’s Christmas he wouldn’t be so optimistic about loving people.” During this season we encounter all kinds of different people. In the Christmas story there were…

Disappointed people
Zechariah and Elizabeth faithfully served God the best they knew how. Elizabeth was old and barren in an age when being without children was considered a curse or perhaps worse yet, it was because of something you did to displease God.

This was a disappointed couple and perhaps a strained relationship as well. When priest Zechariah was told by the angel that his wife would have a child Zechariah’s natural response was, “How can I be sure of this, my wife and I’m are too old and worn out.” As result of Zechariah’s unbelief he did not speak until his son John was born.

Stressed out people
All is calm, all is bright. Really? Mary was around thirteen when she was found pregnant and told Joseph the father was the Holy Spirit. Joseph: Would you repeat that please… Needless to say, he didn’t believe her. Are you really going to stay with that story Mary? Joseph wanted to spare Mary public disgrace and humiliation and planned to quietly divorce her. There was scandal in Galilee.

Then Joseph was visited by an angel and changed his mind about divorcing Mary and told her that we should just go ahead and get married anyway. They were from Galilee which was a very strict religious place, not like where most of us live. 

They were a poor couple who were financially strapped during tax season and now were on a difficult long journey with no place to stay. Joseph didn’t even think to call ahead and book the cheapest B &B or Motel 6.

Unsavory people
How many people have ‘The Great’ tacked on after their name like Herod? Paranoid about losing his power to a prophesied Jewish King, Herod ordered the murder of all the boys in Bethlehem who were two years and under. Warned by an angel Joseph and Mary took Jesus and fled to Egypt to live in a foreign place with a radically different culture and language and where the locals didn’t really want them around. If they took the Stress Test today they would be off the charts.

Strange and despised people
The Magi were Persians who looked very different than those living in Palestine. They believed in astrology which was strictly forbidden for the Jews. Then there were the dishonest and despised shepherds. If you were a good Jew you didn’t want your daughter hanging out with these guys.

Jesus lived in a world with plenty of people like the ones mentioned, but he gave them love anyway. This Christmas you can give better gifts that people really need.

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14

 The first gift you can give to the difficult people in your life is…

The gift of grace
Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery, “Where are your accusers? There are none Lord, “Neither do I condemn you...” For the son of man came not to condemn the world, but to save it.” John 3:17

There is no one in your life who doesn’t need grace. Everybody needs grace. You might think someone doesn’t deserve grace and you know what, they don’t, but God gives it anyway. Only God knows what they deserve. A lot of times we don’t know their backgrounds and wounds. We have no idea what they

We all have certain leanings, some of us have a high capacity for gratitude and others of us are constantly whining, but Jesus is full of grace to all of us. Are you? The second gift is...

The gift of truth
Jesus was full of grace, but not just grace. He was also full of truth. Grace without truth isn’t enough to grow in. Jesus was full grace, but also full of truth. It’s really hard to speak the truth sometimes. We might think we’re really good at telling someone the truth in our own imagination.

We can simply share the truth and a person will change. Wow, I really needed that I’m going to change right now. Yet, when were face to face with someone we struggle with the right words to say.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. Ephesians 4:15 The third gift is…

The gift of time
Time is a precious commodity. Some think one conversation will be enough to persuade a person to change. We’re impatient, we want to microwave people. I had one conversation with ______and he didn’t change, what’s the deal?

Jesus tells this great story. There’s this guy who sees a fig tree that looked dead and said, “Let’s cut it down?” The gardener says, “No not yet, give it another year, fertilize and prune it, I’m still working on this tree.” Of course the gardener (Jesus) is still at work in those whom we might write off.

There has been people in your life for which you’ve tried to help several times and you finally came to a point of giving up on them. But you’re not in charge of them. God is working on that tree. He’s working on your tree. All you can bring to the table is you. The only heart you can bring to the table is yours. The question is will you bring grace, truth and time to them? It’s a lot easier to think about it than doing it.

Maybe you’re not a grace, truth and time person, but you can be a conduit for it if you start with this Christmas letting God love you.
Israel was living in a very stressful time in their history and they weren’t sure if they were loved. I can’t really love if I don’t I know I have more than enough love coming my way. God says to them, ‘Even if a mom would forget her child I could never forget you. I love you too much…Your name is engraved in the palm of my hand.’ Isaiah 49:14-15

That was what Jesus did in his life, He showed love to the disappointed people, stressed out people, unsafe people, embarrassed people, all the difficult people in his life and he gave them grace, truth and time. Then he went to a cross and stretched out his hands and allowed the cruel spikes to pierce his hands and your name got engraved in his palm.

You see, there are a lot of people who don’t know they’re loved. This could be a Christmas unlike any other. Maybe your pain is so deep; your emotions are so raw you have no idea where to start to love others the way Jesus did. God knows this.

You don’t have to figure out what to do or say. All you have to do is bring your heart to God right now and ask Him to help you let go of your bitterness, resentment, the fear, the anxiety that’s been keeping you in your own prison. Help us God to acknowledge that our peace does not come from within ourselves, but from you, for you are our peace.

The Origins of Valentine's Day

What Is Valentine’ Day?
It’s a big day for chocolates, flowers and very high expectations. 53% of women say they will end a relationship if they don't get a Valentine card, yet 85% of cards are bought by women. Men will spend twice as much as women. Americans will spend a collective $18.9 billion on candy, flowers and more gifts for the holiday.  The average American will spend 116 dollars. Perhaps you're feeling left out?

Millions wonder, Am I really special to someone else?
Millions are feeling kind of 'out of it' or disappointed. It's not just young school kids who wish they could get a Valentine card or even a note of affection. There are more tales of the "origins" of Valentine's Day than arrows in Cupid's quiver. 

Modern glorification of sentimental love is reflected in a flurry of cards (2^nd only to Xmas), millions in roses and heart shaped chocolates has little to do with Saint Valentine. 

One of the most common legends is that of the 3rd-century priest named Valentine who secretly performed marriages when Emperor Claudius II reportedly forbade marriage believing the soldiers were halfhearted and homesick. He was imprisoned for his act of defiance and while in prison cured his jailer's daughter of blindness. The day before his execution (supposedly Feb. 14, 269), he sent a farewell message to the daughter signed "From your Valentine."

The first Valentine card was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife in 1415 when he was a prisoner in the Tower of London and is still on display at the British Museum. Even by the middle ages the church's hope for a more spiritual, saint-centered Valentine's Day was lost.

Eventually, the idea that Valentine was actually the name of a person disappeared. By 1450, a valentine was the name of one's sweetheart. In 1533, it was a folded piece of paper. In Great Britain, Valentine's Day began to be popularly celebrated around the seventeenth century.

By the middle of the eighteenth century, it was common for friends and lovers in all social classes to exchange small tokens of affection or handwritten notes. By the end of the century, printed cards began to replace written letters due to improvements in printing technology. Ready-made cards were an easy way for people to express their emotions in a time when direct expression of one's feelings was discouraged.

Cheaper postage rates also contributed to an increase in the popularity of sending Valentine's Day greetings. Americans probably began exchanging hand-made valentines in the early 1700s. In the 1840s the first mass-produced valentine cards in America. Valentine's Day has been a big deal at least since the middle ages.

While Valentine's story may not have much to do with roses, chocolates, and heart-shaped chocolates Christians have long understood that love is much costlier, stronger, and lasting and more difficult than the cheap romanticism of our age.

If you feel left out on Valentine’s Day God reminds you what true love is 

I have loved you with a an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

You are precious to me and honored and I love you. Isaiah 43:4

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10

Grasp how wide and how long and how deep is the love of Christ. Ephesians 3:18

Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. Ephesians 5:1-2

God is in a relentless passionate pursuit of YOU!  No matter who you are or where you are, no matter how far it takes He will find you! His Love will never be exhausted in His pursuit of you!

Getting Noticed

We all want to be noticed knowingly or unknowingly
We want someone to notice us. Please look at me, don’t you see me, I am not beautiful and desirable? Will he or she notice me? What do I need to do to get their attention? Many people spend money that they don’t have to impress those they don’t even know.

We do so much to get noticed don’t we? What political sound bite will get the most media coverage?Is it the trendy new outfit or shoes? Is it the labels we buy, the new haircut or the new and improved body? Is it the people we want to be seen with? Is it the Face Book or other social media posts that gets liked or tweeted?

Can’t you hear and feel my loud bass that’s vibrating my car and yours’ at the stoplight? Don’t you recognize my face, my popularity and fame? Here I am, don’t you see me? Many seem to have some kind of a score card. The long winding road for our search for significance is always available for our experimentation.

We’re like the young boy anxiously looking for recognition when he pulls on his Dad’s pant leg and asks, “Daddy, Daddy, look at my report card, what do you think Daddy?”

In the movie Avatar, when the Na’vi people meet, they greet each other with, “I see you.” It’s more than a simple greeting; it’s an acknowledgement of their presence along with empathy. How sorely needed is that today?

There is someone strong and kind who notices you
More than just noticing you, God  intimately knows everything about you and is madly in love with you. He knows all the joys, victories and disappointments of your life and even measures all your tears (Psalm 56:8).

In Genesis 16, after Sarai’s maidservant Hagar became pregnant she was harshly treated and rejected. Deeply distraught she ran away into in the desert where an angel appeared to her and told her that the Lord saw her misery and that she would have a son. As a result, Hagar called the Lord, “You are the God who sees.”

In Luke chapter 7 a prostitute who was well known to most people in the room where Jesus was eating washed the feet of Jesus with her repentant tears and wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. This was an extravagant act of worship, but given her reputation this was a very scandalous thing to do especially to a rabbi. She simply responded with love and adoration, what else could she do?

Most likely the only thing she had seen in most men’s eyes was condemnation or lust, but in the eyes of Jesus she saw something vastly different. She saw love, something she hadn’t seen from a man in a very long time, if ever. She was not an object to Him, not someone to be used, but His special unique creation. Now seen through Jesus’ eyes she had understanding, worth, and acceptance. She was changed! Her heart’s response to His love was bursting with heartfelt worship and deep gratitude.

The stark contrast between what Simon and Jesus saw in this woman.
After this Jesus turned to the woman and said to the host Simon, who was a Pharisee, “Do you see this woman” or in other words, what do you see in this woman Simon? Simon, do you see what I see? Simon didn’t assign any value to this woman – she was a no count to him, but not to Jesus. Thankfully Jesus has a different kind of score card than most people. Then Jesus told Simon that as his host he did not greet nor treat Him with such honor as this woman did.

Maybe lately you have you felt alone, unnoticed, neglected, seemingly forgotten, disrespected or unloved? Jesus understands and rest assured He has never lost sight of you! How much more is His eye upon you than the sparrow?

Have you lost sight of Him who really loves you?
He has not forgotten you. You are in the palm of His firm hand and you are the apple of his eye! He is committed to you. He will never ever lose sight of you and He will not love you more tomorrow than he does today.

Lonely,But Never Alone

Millions think that loneliness is a solvable problem and the solution is usually a person.
The reasoning goes something like this, ‘When’ I’m in a relationship or ‘when’ I get married I won’t be lonely anymore.’ So, 4o million lonely hearts each week pursue someone online to take their loneliness away. This pursuit takes a lot of time and it can be empty and exhausting.

In the movie Jerry McGuire, Jerry’s girlfriend said, “Jerry, you can’t be alone; you’ve never been alone.” Many believe the same thing about themselves. Four out of ten Americans admit frequent feelings of intense loneliness.

Loneliness has been described as: assuming others have it together, but you; taking inventory of your life and feeling you’ve made many wrong choices; you’re hurting, but no one understands your pain or it’s an aching to have someone to share your life with.

The reality is that all of us experience loneliness regardless of our relationship status.

A different perspective about loneliness can possibly change your life.
There are a lot of reasons why people feel lonely and I’m sure you could provide your own list of reasons or definition. It would be extremely helpful to know there is a difference between loneliness and aloneness.

Loneliness is an emotional state of feeling disconnected from others.
The problem is we have unspoken assumptions about loneliness. We attach our own meaning to loneliness and its’ consequences, don’t we?  Much of our perception of loneliness comes from our unfortunate dysfunctional upbringing and from societal assumptions from popular culture like…

I am unlovable. I am undesirable. I am a social failure. I am a bad person. Nobody could ever want to be with me. I am not a whole person unless I have a partner or spouse. I just can’t be alone. I deserve a relationship. I have to have some romantic relationship in my life. I’ll settle for bad love than no love at all. What would you add to the list?

Whatever the cause loneliness has very little to do with being single. Some of the loneliest people are married. Loneliness is not solved by marriage. Saying ‘I do” does not solve loneliness or guarantee intimacy. A study of 3,400 married couples by the University of Michigan revealed that 65% are profoundly unhappy and 70% said they wouldn’t marry the same person. While that survey may reflect today’s ‘selfie’ culture, it is what it is.

Aloneness is the physical state of being separated from others.

All of us regardless of our relational status experience a sense of aloneness and yearn for relationships. Yet, loneliness is not dependent upon the lack of people in our lives. We can still feel lonely in a crowd. Albert Einstein said, “It’s strange that you can be known all around the world, but be so lonely.”

Extroverts can laugh and be around people constantly and still be a member of the lonely hearts club. For introverts aloneness can be less intimidating, but they have a greater risk of isolation and subjective introspection. Alone could simply mean, “I’m alone right now, no big deal, I have friends, family and co-workers.”

What do you do when you’re alone and feel sorry for yourself?
After a tremendous victory over the false prophets of Baal (I Kings 18:16-39) the prophet Elijah was stretched to the max by the confrontation on Mt. Carmel; his nerves were fried and he was hungry, thirsty and weary. Deeply distraught he prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,take my life.”

Elijah left his servant behind and journeyed into the wilderness all alone which made his situation even worse. Now alone, he had a pity party telling God he was the only faithful Jew in Israel. At was at this point that he made his worst decision of his life in his weakest hour. No wonder Jesus sent out the disciples out in twos.

n times of fear and aloneness we need somebody to talk to and pray with to help give us clear perspective on our situation.  Like Elijah we can make poor decisions when we’re alone. In times like this we are especially vulnerable to the culture’s exploitation of relationships.

God is patient and worked with Elijah and brought him back to reality. God provided for him right where he was at and spoke to him in a still small voice. Thank God He is longsuffering towards his children and speaks to us when we are feeling hurt and alone. He can do the same for you!

Five Types of People You Should Marry

Please enjoy this follow up blog by Debra Fileta.

“Did you receive confirmation when you met your husband?”

I had just finished up speaking to a group of singles in their twenties and thirties, when a young woman came up to me with this question.

For a moment, my mind blanked as I tried to figure out what she meant. Was she talking about confirmation like with my airline tickets? Or maybe that class Catholic kids take?

And then it dawned on me: She meant “confirmation” from God. As in: “Did God give you some sort of a sign when you met your husband that he was the one you were going to marry?”

“No, actually,” I said.

She looked surprised. So I quickly explained.

When it comes to relationships, so many people are waiting for that magical moment. But whether or not that magical moment even exists, it can’t be trusted, because it’s not “confirmation”—it’s feelings.

 When I met my husband for the first time, I had no clue he would be my husband. Read More...

Get Back Your Freedom and Dignity

To better understand the essence of self- control we need to see the connection between freedom and dignity.  When we lose or damage our dignity by philosophy, someone, something or by ourselves we can feel deeply humiliated. Several humiliated and oppressed people groups have developed from centuries of human slavery to the Taliban and have left their undeniable marks on our world.

There is an old story that Abraham Lincoln went down to the slave block to buy back a slave girl. As she looked at the white man bidding on her, she figured he was another white man, going to buy her and then abuse her. He won the bid and as he was walking away with his property, he said, "Young lady, you are free."

She said, "What does that mean?"

"It means you are free."

“Does that mean," she said, "that I can say whatever I want to say?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, my dear, you can say whatever you want to say."

"Does that mean," She said, "That I can be whatever I want to be?"

Lincoln said, "Yes, you can be whatever you want to be."

"Does that mean I can go wherever I want to go?"

He said, "Yes, you can go wherever you want to go."

With tears streaming down her face, she said, "Then I will go with you."

Like this young lady we are given a choice to be free. God want s us to be free.
Like the Hebrews we don’t want to go back to Egypt do we? Like the freed lion we don’t want to be reintroduced to the cage. We want to stay free. Free from the things that kept us enslaved and stuck.

We need to be aware of the subtle temptations to cave into the things that once kept us enslaved. What are you allowing to have control over you? What desire, activity, substance or environment has a tendency to lure you into its trap? What is it you cave into? Who is it? What is it? Name it. Why can’t you say no?

Biblical self-control is not self-mastery or your strong will power. Biblical self-control is empowered by God’s spirit who wants to heighten our determination to STAY FREE!

We need to fight for our freedom by making the choices that God wants for us. Most of us have the freedom to choose many things, but some of those choices are definitely not the best for us.

You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.  1 Corinthians 6:12

Regain or retain your freedom and dignity by making four choices
Firstly, run when you need to!

Run from anything that stimulates youthful lusts. 2 Timothy 2:22

Nobody is exempt from going backwards, we all have weaknesses, character defects and blind spots. Whether it’s a person, place or thing that will take you to places you will regret later you need to leave. Don’t go there. Don’t rationalize or justify, just flee.

Secondly, allow God to change your heart
The story of our lives involves our hearts. True lasting change is a work of the heart not merely an outward appearance. As Solomon said, “The heart is the well spring of life.” So much of who we are originates from our hearts, whether it’s our dreams, passion, disappointment, genuineness, love or fulfillment.

When we are deeply hurt by betrayal, abuse or deep neglect our hearts become calloused, hard, stunted, resentful and defensive. Sadly, over time our hearts begin to close. As a result we can unintentionally disengage our hearts by medicating themselves with all manner of empty trivial pursuits.

This elusive pursuit produces a kind of numbness in our hearts and we unknowingly miss out on God’s best for us.  We wonder where did the joy go and we become hindered to see ourselves and others realistically. As the blind Helen Keller said, “It is better to see with you heart than to have two eyes and see nothing.”

God has so much more for you and me. He wants to change our hearts from the inside out and desires us to participate with Him by making life giving choices.

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. Romans 12:2
Join us next time for the two other life giving choices.

Emotional Entanglement Between Men and Women: Danger Signs

By Mark Skalberg and DiAnna Steele

Recently at a gathering of friends our host brought out metal puzzles and challenged guests to separate the pieces.  This activity made for laughter, cheering and more than a bit of frustration as people attempted to solve puzzles.  For most, puzzle pieces were so entangled the task of separating them seemed daunting. They quickly gave up.

Emotional Entanglements between men and women present similar challenges.  We so desperately desire real, unconditional love.  Yet we somehow entwine our hearts in unhealthy relationships that seem impossible to separate ourselves from.

“Entangle: To twist together or entwine into a confusing mass.” {freedictionary.com}

What happens when relationships become entwined into a confusing mass?  Emotional entanglements often lead to unrealistic expectations, misunderstanding, deep disappointments and broken relationships.

How can we avoid such heartache?  We begin by recognizing when we are at risk.

Danger Signs of Emotional Entanglements:

~False assumptions about yourself or others.

False assumptions allow us to delude ourselves into believing that sowing and reaping don’t apply to us.  We imagine ourselves strong enough to handle situations that might result in trouble for weaker persons.  We envision immunity to consequences if we fail. 

Scripture warns us not to rely on self.  “Don’t be so naïve and self confident.  You’re not exempt.  You could fall flat on your face as easily as anyone else.” I Corinthians 10:12 (MSG)

In truth, false assumptions are layers of pride disguised as self-confidence.  Pride and arrogance blind us to relational risks and subsequent dangers.

“Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall." Proverbs 16:18

Emotional entanglements can happen to anyone.  We must be careful to exercise discernment in our personal relationships, to confess and forsake pride and to cultivate God-confidence.

~Mind your own Business mentality.

Sally, 35, never married feels attraction for her boss John, a kind, compassionate family man.  John always eagerly listens to Sally and constantly praises her work. Sally, like millions of others in our culture, faces constant bombardment with media’s enticement and Hollywood storylines depicting workplace affairs as a resume enhancement.

When a friend expressed concern about time Sally spends with John, Sally responded, “We’re just good friends, there is no physical involvement.” Essentially, Sally is saying, “Mind your own business”. She feels because there’s intensity without touch, a need is met with no moral code violated.  Sally is emotionally entangled and fails to realize how dangerously close she’s ventured to sexual entanglement.

The mind your own business mentality exposes us to entanglements we may never have considered.  Better to open ourselves up to fellow believers, being accountable to someone we trust our true self with.  A godly mentor or friend helps us shine light on dark places. When Light enters, darkness diminishes.  Our protection from emotional entanglement comes from walking in Light.

“But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin” I John 1:7

~I’m only human.

Cindy and Tom had both been divorced for years when they met. Cindy hadn’t dated much but felt she was finally ready to begin again. They met each other’s kids, shared dinners and generally enjoyed each other’s company.

After only a few dates they were physical on a regular basis, justifying their conduct with “I’m only human. I have needs.” Yet, within a month Tom withdrew and wanted to date other women. Cindy felt rejected and used. Her original thought, “This is just between us so no one will be hurt by it,” came back to haunt her.

Certainly genders can be reversed here.

God understands our humanity.  He is the One who gave us our needs.  He also makes a way for us to live free from emotional entanglements.

“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” I Corinthians 10:13

Danger signs of emotional entanglements are all around us.

We consider ourselves immune to temptation. “Nothing bad will happen to me, I’m the exception, I can handle this…”.

We skirt the fringes of temptation, “I understand him (her) so much better than his wife (her husband) does, I’m just trying to help, We’re just friends…”.

Or we dive directly into temptation, “God knows I need this. So many others are doing it, it can’t be that bad.”

Regardless of our intentions, results remain the same:  Painful & damaging emotional entanglements.

The Bible encourages us to exercise caution. 

“Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” I Peter 5:8

In our next blog, we’ll explore some common causes of emotional entanglements and how to be on our guard against them.  To order the audio messages of this series on CD you can order here. 

Note: If your experiences would be helpful to others about this contorversial topic please share them below.