Myths About Open Doors

“This, too, shall pass.” “God helps those who help themselves.”  “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Sounds biblical, but these phrases are not in the Bible. That happens quite a lot. “God will never give you more than you can handle.”  You’ve heard that before.  The Bible says, God will not allow someone to be ‘tempted’ beyond what they can stand, but the Bible never says God will not allow you to be given more than you can handle. People are given more than they can handle all the time.

“When God closes a door he opens a window.” Yet, the Bible says, “What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open” (Revelation 3:7) Our own desires and ideas about God opening doors can be full of misconception and superstition, maybe even spiritualized wish fulfillment.

People have told their soon to be spouses, “You can’t break up with me; God already told me you’re the one.” Sometimes we cite God opening a door to justify our choices.  When I try to use God the way someone uses a magic eight ball or a horoscope I make God my genie in a bottle. 

Here are some myths about divine doors.

If I’m unclear about which door to choose I’m doing something wrong.
Big decisions are rarely simple. We can say, “God just tell me what to do.”  Sometimes were not looking so much for God’s will for our lives, but to simply be relieved of the anxiety that comes with taking responsibility for making a decision.  God is the door opener, but not a magical enabler.

God’s will for your life often is, “You decide.” God cares more about whom you are becoming and not so much what you do for a living, were you live or who you marry. He wants you to become a person of character and love.  

Sometimes God may have a specific assignment for you and God is perfectly competent to make this clear. But it’s helpful to understand that a lack of guidance from heaven regarding which door to choose does not mean that either God or I had failed. God knows that I would grow more with having to grapple with a hard decision than if I got a memo from heaven.

An open door means the way will be less difficult or easy.
If I choose the right door, I’ll be able to tell because my life will get easier. If this is my criteria for door judging, then every time I hit “hard,” I can doubt God, myself, and my choice. When God calls people to go through open doors, what generally happens is life gets much harder.

“A wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.”

                                                                                                                  1 Corinthians 16:9

Not just a door, but a wide door.  Paul knew that resistance and opposition was part of the confirmation of the door God had opened for him. Avoided trouble is tempting, but not the path to maturity. Jesus never said, “Your life will be easy.” Jesus used the word easy only once, but it wasn’t about our circumstances.

He did say, “I’ll give you an easy yoke.’’ A Rabbi’s yoke was a way of saying a follower would take on his way of life. That is, daily receiving God’s transforming grace that brings peace and strength beyond yourself that will enable you to live life to the fullest. Are you?

Join us next time for more myths about doors.
   

Leaving Your Bag Unattended

On a recent vacation my bag was over the limit so I removed a few things to not be charged and I was on to my destination. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?” Well, in the longer journey of our lives there have people who have packed our bag for us, not terrorists, but our parents or ourselves with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy.

If your bag is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees and you don't want that, unless it’s Southwest. In airports today we hear the repeated announcement, “Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. When Israel went on their long Exodus they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols.

At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives. They also took with them their background of 400 years of slavery. Their family history impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like.  A land flowing with milk and honey…

God told Israel through Moses that I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me. (Ex.6:2-5)

It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey. Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following after other lovers… idolatry and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different with us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way. My way is Yahweh’s…

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, possessions, of our own expectations or control of people, places and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want, when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of the past influence of Egypt and its’ false security. Their constant and favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. “How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Look at this smoking add. 

Things that just aren’t so includes some of the bad advice we hear about letting go in life. Jay Leno once asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?”  The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on. None of us are absolutely free from our past. 

While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it. You can have a new perspective. 

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need know that letting go includes accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair or how much you don’t like it. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years.

They got themselves into that mess. Letting go is learning how to let go of a past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person.  That’s hard even with the best intentions.Although we should not give a “disproportionate power to our past” the past is not our enemy. Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. 

Some say the past is in the past. While we can’t change the past we can learn from it. Like it or not our past becomes part of our identity inventory. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER what they were delivered from in the celebrating of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

With Hope,

Mark

Repacking Your Bag

In the last blog we began letting go of some stuff in our travel bag so we can travel lighter. Letting go is not easy, it’s difficult. It’s a hassle to go through our bag, especially on-site at the airport counter. We can be more prepared.

We need to know how to unpack and repack pack more wisely for our trip. Yes, while less is more, we don’t want to miss packing three important items for our life journey.

Three Impacting Relational Dynamics to Help You on Your Trip
1. Understand what happened in the relationship In order for you to move on and develop healthy relationships you need to look back and understand what happened to contribute to a broken relationship. This is the part of your journey where you’ll have to be extremely honest with yourself. It will do you no good to blame someone else.

You need to clearly understand the dynamic you and your significant other created together or that you brought with you and clearly trace the threads of the events that led to the shipwreck. Do some self inventory.

2. Understand the truth about yourself

This truth is important because it builds on the previous dynamic. Jonathon Edwards, one of America’s most brilliant minds said, “Of all kinds of knowledge that we can ever obtain, the knowledge of God and the knowledge of ourselves are the most important.” 

The positive result of knowing the truth about ourselves is that it can free us to start over no matter how bleak it is. When we honestly look inside our hearts there are things we are not pleased with. This could be depressing if we stopped here.

But God is good and desires to redeem our choices

We all have blind spots. How often do we hear, mistakes were made, but not by me?  Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” It’s not that many don’t have the time to examine their lives, they just avoid it.

In contrast, people who do examine their lives and think about where they’ve been, how they got there, and where they’re going, will be more prepared for life’s journey. No one has all the answers and no one’s life is free from trouble and strife. Yet, those who know who where they came from (created in God’s image), who they belong to and why they’re here are in a very fertile place to grow.

So, how about you? If you apply these dynamics you’ll all be better off and those around you will appreciate it. What is it that I could be holding on to? A failed relationship, poor choices, or hurtful words I’ve spoken? Thank God we can know God’s assurance of His forgiveness. I John 1:9

3. Understand Your Unrealistic Expectations

Israel wanted ‘the land flowing with milk and honey’ as God promised, but just not the way He was going about it. They didn’t want to wait for His timing. Could that be true with US? We just want to inherit the land, we want the territory that God said we have coming to us, the fertile ground and all that comes with it.

Many think they have a relationship coming to them that they deserve. Now let’s pretend that you have some particular qualities you want in a significant other. According to a poll of thousands of American single adults the top five qualities were:

1) physical appearance 2) honesty 3) character 4) personality 5) sense of humor

So you have a list of what you hope to find in a relationship… Now, take that list and make it a mirror and not a microscope. May it not be a list of a potential mate, but a standard for you to become. Become your list. Be honest, who do you want to become? 

We all want to experience love, but unfortunately when we don’t fully grasp our need for God’s love we look for love everywhere else and ignore loving others. If I have the perspective of, “God bless my desire to have that kind of person in my top 5,” I put on the ball and chain again…

Now, go lighten your bag and look into the mirror and be the person you want someone else to be for you. Most importantly, be the person God wants you to be!

Join us for the continuation of this series and experience the lasting freedom by living according to four truths.

Traveling Lighter,

Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com

A New Start

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Jay Leno asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?” The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”Some of those things that just aren’t so include some of the bad advice we hear about starting over in life.

In the last blog we learned two practical insights from the prophet Isaiah of how to start over. First, identify your pain and secondly recognize it’s all about God. Regardless of what you need a fresh start with here are the other action steps to help you get your fresh start.

Thirdly, be honest about yourself.
The positive result of knowing the truth about ourselves is that it can free us to start over no matter how bleak it is. Isaiah was deeply honest with his part in the mess, “Woe to me!”I cried. “I am ruined!  For I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips”v.5  This is important because it builds upon the recognition of the second action step to start over, that it’s all about God.

When we compare ourselves with God its woe to me and wow to God. Like Isaiah, when we honestly look inside our hearts there are things we are not pleased with. This could be depressing if we stopped here.

Fourthly, let go of your past.
After Isaiah confessed his part (v.6-7) and was forgiven he could let go. He got clean. While we all have regrets God doesn’t want us to stay stuck in regret. God is into new beginnings.

The psalmist wrote, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone” Psalm 32:5.  Because regrets are inevitable forgiveness is available for all of us and that’s really good news “He forgives all my sins. He heals me.” Psalm 103:3 

What is it that I could be holding on to? A failed relationship, poor choices, or hurtful words I’ve spoken?  Thank God we can know God’s assurance of His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9 Live as you’re forgiven.

Many have a hard time letting go because they feel guilty for what has already been forgiven. The problem for some is that they relive their past by retelling their tale of woe over and over again. Not a good place to be. God moves on – we stay put, paralyzed – stuck. If you’re having trouble letting go talk to a close trusted friend, a pastor or a counselor. Get it out into the light so it doesn’t have power over you. Please don’t stay stuck, let it go. Your future can begin now. You can experience a new start in life.

Fifthly, be available to God.
Isaiah heard the call of El Shaddai and responded, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8 May we say along with Isaiah,” God send me, I want to be your man or woman in my sphere of influence.”

There are very few things we can really control. A lot of our disappointment or misery is in wanting to control others or situations that we can’t. What we can control is being available to God, to do our part for a fresh start. We do the possible God does the impossible. Be willing to let God work. There is no formula and it’s not simple to do, but we can make ourselves available to God.

Isaiah identified his pain. He evaluated his heart and knew that real meaningful life was about God, he knew he was forgiven. As a result, Isaiah proclaimed with a grateful heart, “here I am, send me!” There is no better time than NOW for a fresh start. It’s not too late to start over. Will you do that? You won’t regret it.

You are welcome to briefly tell me how you have started over in life. You can send your response to the email below.

With Hope,

Mark 

mark@startingoverworkshops.com

Look Back and Learn

To look back upon history can help us understand our origins, traditions and families. When humanity fails to understand and learn from history they are destined to repeat the past. It is no different for people like you and me. Although we should not give a “disproportionate power to our past” the past is not our enemy. Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise.

Some say the past is past. While we can’t change the past we can learn from it. Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Without getting into a lengthy discussion about the numerous aspects of how family histories contribute to intimate relationships we can step back and learn from our past relationships.

In order to have the best possible meaningful relationships now and in the future it’s vitally important to understand three 

Understand what happened in the relationship 

In order for you to move on and develop healthy relationships you need to look back and understand what happened to contribute to the break up. This is the part of your journey where you'll have to be extremely honest with yourself. It'll do you no good to blame your ex or yourself. You need to clearly understand the dynamic you and your former created together and clearly trace the threads of the events that led to the shipwreck.

Understand why you chose your former
People choose relationships for many different reasons, the most popular being "love." But what many consider to be "in love" is not really love at all. According to psychologist Neil Clark Warren here are some of the reasons for faulty mate selection:

A deep need to be wanted
A lifelong struggle to meet someone and "save" them or "change" them
A fear of being alone
Infatuation
Material security
The decision to get married is made too quickly
Decision is made at too young of an age.
One or both persons are too eager to get married.
One or both may be choosing a mate to please someone else.
The couple has unrealistic expectations.
One or both have unaddressed significant personality or behavior problems

If you can honestly examine and understand why you chose your partner, hopefully you'll be able to see the beginnings of the breakup at the inception of the relationship. You'll also start to build understanding to be able to choose differently the next time around.

Understand the truth about you

This truth is important because it builds on the previous dynamics. Jonathon Edwards, one of America’s most brilliant minds said, “Of all kinds of knowledge that we can ever obtain, the knowledge of God and the knowledge of ourselves are the most important.” Knowing that He is God and we are not and the difference it makes puts things into proper perspective.

No one is exempt, we all have blind spots. How often do we hear, mistakes were made, but not by me? How refreshing it is in this day and age of the extreme blame game when someone admits they’re wrong and simply says, “I’m sorry.”

Socrates said,”The unexamined life is not worth living." The sad thing is most people avoid leading an examined life. It's not that they don't have time or make time. They just actively avoid examining their lives.

In contrast, people who do examine their lives, who think about where they've been, how they got here, and where they're going, are much more contented people. No one has all the answers. And no one's life is free from trouble and strife. But those who know who they belong to (namely God) and why they’re here are in a very fertile place to grow. So, how about you?  When we apply these dynamic we’ll all be better off and those around us will appreciate it.

With Hope,

Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com