After We've Blown It

In Redefining Failure, “Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not.”Acts 7:25 Moses’ impulsive self will lead to the death of an Egyptian. When it became know he feared for his life he frantically fled into the Midian wilderness.

Running and exhausted, when Moses arrived in the Midian desert he ‘sat down by a well.’ There at the well, he had the time to reflect on his epic failure and perhaps asked himself, “What did I just do? I can’t believe it. Now, what am I going to do?”

Unlike Moses, many of us do not sit down long enough to process our failings? As Lincoln said, “My great concern is not whether you’ve failed, but are you content with it?” Have we thought it through and accepted it? Do we learn from our failings or are we destined to repeat them?

For the next several decades Moses had another kind of education, one of obscurity in the dry and barren Midian desert. He settled in as a foreigner and learned what it was to be a shepherd and had two sons. During those seemingly forgotten years, God remembered Moses! God still had a plan for him.  Another observation that we can learn from Moses’ life is that…

God Is with You During and After Your Failings
After forty long years, God gave Moses another visit. God had heard the cries of His oppressed people in Egypt (Exodus 2:23) and now He was going to deliver them from their bondage by the hand of Moses. God spoke to Moses and told him that he would, “Tell the Pharaoh to let my people go.”

Moses’ response was, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” After failing so miserably last time it was understandable that Moses was so insistent that he wouldn’t have anything to do with delivering Israel.

Then God said to Moses, “I will be with you.” You see now Moses, last time you did it your way and I wasn’t in it, but this time I AM! You got that Moses? Don’t miss this, “I will be with you!”

Moses continued his adamant reluctance with excuses (Ex.4:1, 10-13). “Not me Lord, I’m not qualified, I’m not a good speaker. Remember Lord, I’m a loser?” O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”Over the years Moses had become preoccupied with his past failure. He couldn’t forget it. His failure became his ball and chain. The second observation is that…Cross references:

Failure Can Lead to a Lack of Trust in God and Yourself
But it doesn’t have to! Unfortunately, some people can’t accept their failure and move on. They’re stuck in their own self-imposed prison cell. It doesn’t have to be that way! Everyone experiences failure, but the biggest failure is not trying again. You can start over!

No matter what we’ve done, know that no one has failed too greatly or too much for God! God doesn’t waste your failures. He uses them to remind you how desperately you really need His presence and guidance. Thankfully, when you do fail God’s acceptance is always available.

God can work your failure into His plans! He knows exactly what to do. He has a long history of redeeming failure. As he was with Moses, God will be with YOU!

As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Join us for the next blog as we learn how the radical turnaround in Moses’ life can help you too!

Moving Towards Hope

 

If you were 40-45 years old years in 1945 you would have lived through the worldwide Spanish flu pandemic during World War I that took 50M lives, the Great Depression, and then World War II. 

 

In 1945 many wondered what next bad thing could happen? Maybe today, that’s you, or maybe not? After WW II those times of intense anxiety and insecurity were over for millions at least for a while! Down the road came Korea, Viet Nam, the 60s, and 911.

 

COVID 19 was something very few people ever thought could happen, the reality is that things can change very quickly. Ironically, today we are living longer and healthier lives, but people feel more culturally and emotionally disconnected than ever. Today the level of depression and anxiety among millennials is higher than those that came before. 

 

Inevitably, life can take a turn we didn’t plan on or expect. When Jesus told his disciples that he was going away they were deeply heartbroken and confused. Maybe you’ve experienced that with someone close to you too? Like the sad reality of saying goodbye for the last time.

 

The disciples experienced a roller coaster of emotions: sadness, grief, a loss of hope, and skepticism. What are we going to do now? The disciples’ hopes and dreams were completely shattered. We’ve all been there before or can be. In times like this, we need hope. 

 

The disciples’ sorrow and tears clouded their vision and they had lost their hope and forgotten about what Jesus had told them about them seeing Him again. As Mother Teresa said, “Never let your sorrow so fill you as to make you forget the joy of the risen Christ.” Have you forgotten?

 

For many, their hope is just a pleasant wish. I hope that… We can hang our hopes on people, places, and things. We tend to cling to the things that are going to be eventually taken away from us. 

 

Unless we're getting our hope from God, we're going to try to get it from someone or something else. What or who is your hope in? Our hope might be in someone or something good and possibly attainable, but hope in the resurrection is infallible! Hey, it’s Friday, but Sundays a coming!

 

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the Lord.    Psalm118:9                                                                                                                            

But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. Psalm 39:7

My soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5

Getting Clarity in Decisions

A young naval Ensign had proven his skills to his Captain and was looking forward to the day when he would successfully take the giant destroyer out of the dock and out into the open sea. Finally, the day arrived, and Ensigwas enthusiastically and quickly barking out orders to the crew with a flurry of hurried activities.

Another officer came to the Ensign to give him a radio report from the Captain. The Ensign thought it was kind of odd to receive a radio report from the Captain when he could have just come to him personally. Here was the radio message:

Congratulations on your excellent departure from the dock in record time. You did everything according to proper procedure and in fact, you broke a record, but there is one thing I want to bring to your attention, and that is, always before you depart make sure the Captain is on board.”

Sometimes our lives are like that. We got the procedures down, but we forget to make sure our Captain is on board. There are a lot of smart people who have a lot of knowledge but have a hard time applying it to their lives.

The speed of information today is utterly mind-blowing. With a simple click, we can know something anywhere in the world within seconds. We hear a lot of voices and have plenty of information about a lot of things, but what do we do with it?

What is knowledge and what is wisdom?
Unfortunately, there is not a direct correlation between knowledge and wisdom. Webster’s definition of wisdom says ‘Wisdom is accumulated philosophic or scientific learning, the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships.’

We all need wisdom. Wisdom is meant to be practical, not theoretical. Wisdom doesn’t mean you know more, but it’s what you do with what you know. 

The Hebrew word for wisdom is used to describe a skill to work, expertise, experience. The Apostle Paul said the Athenians prided themselves in their ‘deeper’ Greek philosophy of superior wisdom by saying, “They spend their time doing nothing, but talking and listening to the latest new ideas.” Acts 17:2

Wisdom does not necessarily have anything to do with age.
The book of Proverbs tells us that wisdom is developed by the choices you make and is dependent upon our heart’s willingness to grow. If you want to grow and make the wisest decisions in your life then seek God’s wisdom. Peter tells us,

“For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.”  2 Peter 1:5-8

Do Not Leave Your Bag Unattended

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?”

In the journey of our lives our parents or ourselves, not terrorists, have helped pack our bags for us with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy. If your suitcase is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees.

We used to hear "Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

When Israel went on their long Exodus trip they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols. At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives.

They took their difficult experience of 400 years of slavery that impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like. A land flowing with milk and honey.

God told Israel, 'I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me.' (Ex.6:2-5). It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey.

Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following other lovers and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different for us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way.

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, our possessions, our own expectations, or the control of people, places, and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of Egypt's false security. Their constant favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage. Go figure.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so, like this smoking ad.

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on.

None of us are absolutely free from our past. While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it.

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need to know that letting go is accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years. They got themselves into that mess.

Letting go is learning how to let go of your past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person. That’s hard even with the best intentions. Although we should not give disproportionate power to our past the past is not our enemy.

Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. While we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. Like it or not our past can become our identity inventory. It can be good or bad. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER their past in the celebration of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

Standing Strong When Life's Impossible

Often in everyday conversations, we use colorful clichés to describe how we’re doing. When things are going well, we say things like, 'I’m on a roll, I’m on the top of the world, my head’s in the clouds.'  When things are not going well, it’s 'I’m down in the dumps, I’m hanging in there, I’m burned out, stressed out, wiped out, bummed out.'

When we’re in dire straits we can say things like, 'I’m in hot water, I am in over my head. I’m coming apart at the seams.'  

Three common clichés 

I'm between a rock and hard place - a predicament with no apparent solution.

There’s no light at the end of the tunnel – feeling like there’s no hope for the future. 

I’m at the end of my rope - we’re running out of options.

Some of you can relate to one or more of these clichés as you think about some aspect of your life. If any of those clichés describe you continue reading.  

In chapter two of the Book of Daniel, the Babylonian King Nebuchadnezzar has a dream which is more like a nightmare and cannot sleep. Maybe you can relate to that? You have a dream you can’t remember, but you want to remember, but can’t you can’t get back to sleep. You’re bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and can’t sleep.

Because the King’s astrologers and fortune-tellers cannot tell the king the dream nor interpret it the king is furious and decrees that he will destroy them along with all the other wise men of Babylon including Daniel and his friends! They’re between a rock and a hard place; there’s no light at the end of the tunnel; they’re at the end of their rope.

At this point, Daniel did not know the dream or its interpretation. He was clueless about the dream, however, and it is a big however Dan was confident ‘where’ he would find the answer. Here we see Dan’s faith. He made a decision to trust God that put him out on a limb.

Faith is a decision to trust God 

Dan made a decision to trust God for the answer. Faith is not a feeling or some state of spiritual consciousness. Faith is nothing when there’s no action or response involved. Faith is making a decision to trust God for the outcome.

Sometimes we make faith so complicated, but it’s not. We express faith every time we make big and little decisions to trust God for the outcome, in getting out of our comfort zone. Faith is all about stepping out and making a decision to trust God when we don’t know or can’t control the outcome. 

I’m guessing some of you need to make a decision right now that you don’t know the outcome of? It’s risky because you know that if you might get shortchanged, but you’re going to have to trust God! 

The first thing Dan does is go to his three trusted friends to explain the dire straits they’re in. Can you imagine the conversation, 'If we don’t interpret his dream we’re toast!' 'What, are you kidding me?' 'I told the King NO problem.' 'You said what, what are we going to do?' We could miss this, but something significant is going on here.  

We need support in times of trouble!

Some people think they’re weak if they need people to support them. Dan was a man of incredible personal strength, yet when he finds himself at the end of his rope he goes to his friends and includes them in his and their dilemma. 

Daniel is not the only one who understood this. The Apostle Paul was a rugged tested man who had been in prison, shipwrecked, beaten, stoned and left for dead. While in prison in the final days of Paul’s life he asked that a young man named Timothy would, “Make every effort to come to me soon and bring Luke and Mark with you.”

No matter who you are or how strong you are you need others. Even Jesus during his greatest trial in the garden of Gethsemane he asked Peter, James, and John to be with him for support and prayer. Jesus had three, Paul had three and Daniel had three friends. Who are 3 or 4?

When you’re at the end of your rope who do you call for support? In such a hyper-individualistic world many think they can make it on their own. I can pick myself up by my own bootstraps. I’ll make it alone. I’m self-sufficient. I’m good.

Really? Is the best way to go it alone? God provides friends for our support in times of trouble. Ask yourself, practically speaking, whose list are you on? Who could you call or turn to? Dan had his list, Paul had his list, Jesus had his list of friends. Every one of us needs a list. To be on one and to have one of your own. 

Join us for the continuation of this blog next time.

How Long Is Too Long To Wait?

One of the biggest frustrations with waiting is how long things seem to take. How long is too long to wait for a promotion, for recognition, for a plane, for a relationship, for the light to turn green on our evening commute? Whether we recognize it or not, waiting is a constant in our lives.  At any given moment we’re all waiting for something or someone.

Waiting patiently is hard, especially in a culture with a microwave mentality.  We demand immediacy, in everything from meals to work to traffic to relationships.  We want what we want and we want it yesterday. In this climate of instant gratification, we can easily feel as if we’ve been waiting forever for something, even if it’s only been a short time.

Like Abram we can get pretty tired of waiting for that something to happen. Ten years after God had promised Abram that he would be the father of many nations he was still childless and he lamented to God about his situation. Then God told Abram, "Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them. Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Now, that’s an amazing promise.

Yet, it wasn’t too long after this promise that a bewildered Abram lapsed in faith with a little help from his wife Sarai. What’s going on, how on earth is God going to fulfill his promise? There must be a way God, it’s been years of waiting with no visible results. As was the custom of the day, not God inspired, Sarai suggests a short-cut and adamantly begs her husband, “go sleep with my handmaiden and we can build a family through her.”  Maybe Abram thought, that sound good to me, sure why not?

Sarai made her own plan that seemed good to her and plus it was acceptable to her culture. Sound familiar?  Abram could a should a, but he didn’t. If Sarai thought Lot gave them problems she had no idea the radical impact of her decision would have upon her own family. They couldn’t wait and took matters into their hands. Gosh, that sounds way too familiar.

For 13 years both of them told everybody that God blessed their decision. The child Ishmael was the promised one, the heir apparent and the fulfillment of God’s promise. Then something happened that rocked their world and changed their names and lives forever.

At the age of ninety-nine God visits Abram and tells him that He is now going to fulfill His promise. (Gen.17:1-18) Abram can’t believe it, are you kidding me, we’re in our nineties? Abram cries out, “Oh that Ishmael might live.” Can you hear the pain in that statement? Don’t you see God I want this so bad, I’ve been telling everyone… Don’t you see this is how it’s supposed to be? This looks really bad for me now.

God’s responded, “Yes, but your wife Sarah will bear you a son, and you will call him Isaac. I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his descendants after him.” (Gen.17:19) Aren’t you glad that despite our many failings God faithfully fulfills His promises! They are not dependent upon us.

Waiting on the Lord is essential to growing in our faith journey. May we learn from Abraham that running ahead of God and trusting our own resources can create problems for us and those we love and we can miss God’s best. God helps us. We need His help! 

The good news is that there is more to Abraham’s life journey than this lapse of faith that we can learn from and apply. Join us next time for an unforgettable story of faith and sacrifice with real life application.

Bridges of Trust

Building bridges of trust is possible

Yet, our relational histories, to a large extent, can hinder us in trusting others. Whether we recall intentional or unintentional wounds from others they impact us in how we perceive others’ intentions.

Some find it extremely difficult if not impossible to trust others. They just haven’t seen enough integrity that would merit trust. An individual’s capacity for trust depends on their childhood, background and experiences. They have been let down countless times. I get that.

Yet, Jesus told His disciples, “I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” He had been walking with them for a few years and trusted his friends with his life. Even in the garden when He asked for prayer they fell asleep and hours later would deny Him. Yet he loved them.  

We can build bridges of trust in an age of distrust.

“Demonstrate a propensity to trust. Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend conditionally to those who are earning your trust. Do be quick to forgive-whether or not we choose to trust in the future, we always need to forgive.” John McGee

The more trusting we become the easier it is for another to trust us in a personal relationship.

Improving our listening will help immensely. Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears and your eyes and heart. 

Don’t assume you know what matters most to others. 

Don’t presume you have all the answers or all the questions. We need to be patient with other’s progress. If we judge others on how far they need to go according to our criteria we quench trust and we unintentionally drive them away.

If we want to develop trust and enjoy people today we need to allow room for their growth. Intimacy builds on trust, but an initial risk must be taken before trust can develop. There is no intimacy without risk. The risk is an intelligent leap of trust. Once taken, the more one puts into a relationship in trust, the more commitment increases.

Sometimes we want people to be trustworthy, yet we fail to realize our role in developing trust. It is so much easier to expect change from others than to work on transforming our own hearts to trust not only God, but others as well.

Who Can You Trust?

Who can you trust? Hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash. You can increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships by knowing...

We can trust God
I know that seems cliché to some of you, but it helps us to trust others by trusting God. The concept of trusting God has been so trivialized, overly simplified and misunderstood that many have a skewed perspective on what it means to trust God.

Contrary to some, trusting God and others is not easy. Unfortunately, some have even stigmatized God by the bad examples of his followers. They’ve been given an inaccurate spin and developed their own presuppositions of what God is like or even if there is a God.

It’s not surprising that trusting God is a common theme of the Bible with the words trust, faith or belief used interchangeably from cover to cover. The Bible makes it very clear that trusting God is a response to who and what He does. 

To trust Him with our life is the result of his revealing Himself to us through creation, his mighty deeds, his Word, and his faithfulness to keep all his promises. God is not a man that He should lie (Heb.6:17-18) or repent. What a refreshing reminder considering the lack of truth telling today.

God never needs to make an excuse for what He has said or done.

The Bible goes on to say that it’s impossible to please God without faith (Heb.11:6). So, the Bible is clear that we cannot have a relationship with God without trust or belief (John 3:16). Who needs a dead religion when you can have an intimate trusting relationship that matters and will last forever?

Now hopefully, most of us would not trust someone we do not know unless we’re being rescued from a burning building or they’re handing out cash…Yet, God is all-together different, transcending the boxes we put Him in. God desires us. God has and still is relentlessly and passionately pursuing us even if we think otherwise.

God has initiated trust with us not the other way around. Trust implies a relationship. From the Hebrews’ backs against the wall at the Red Sea, to Daniel in the Lion’s den, to David and his slingshot, to Job’s suffering, God has not deserted His people and He never will. God has proven He is trustworthy.

Grappling and understanding God’s unfathomable love for us enables us to not only trust him but others as well.

“The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free, to be free to receive love from people and be grateful for all the signs of God’s presence in the world. I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond it’s’ boundaries.”  Henri Nouwen

Join us next time about trusting others.

The Free Fall Of Trust

When Gallup first asked Americans about their trust of newspapers in 1973, 39 percent said they had a great deal of trust in them and by 1979, that number reached a high of 51 percent. In 2016, only 20 percent of Americans said they trust newspapers. Trust in television news has charted much the same course, and it fares only slightly better in 2016, with 21 percent trust.

In a poll we did a while back on this website we asked how you would define trust. Many of you said that it’s hard to believe that someone will actually do what they say they will do. According to most polls virtually every institution has lost public trust, especially Congress and current Presidental candidates. 

Mistrust Is Everywhere

These days, less than one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted. Half felt that way in 1972, when polls first asked the question. A record high of nearly two-thirds say "you can't be too careful" in dealing with people. Americans are suspicious of each other in everyday encounters.

From Israelis and Palestinians, politicians, the News Media, corporations and institutions of every kind to even to telling our kids not to trust strangers, mistrust is everywhere.

Broken Relational Trust
One third of the 40 million people looking for a date online are married, but they don’t put that in their profile. So, it’s understandable that people struggle with who to trust.

“Generally speaking, a loss of trust created by a violation of character (integrity or intent) is far more difficult to restore than a loss of trust created by a violation of competence (capabilities or results).”  Stephen Covey

Lets’ face it we all have trust issues, yet we all want to say, ‘I trust you.’

All of us have been wounded by a lack of trust from an institution or more importantly a person and it’s impacted how we perceive people and our relationships. I’ve told my kids regarding their social world to trust the people who prove they’re trustworthy.

Now, that is reasonable, but what does that look like? What is the basis of trust and how can I develop trust without having a cynical perspective? Especially after having been lied to and hurt as a result? Though it may be difficult, in most cases, lost trust can be restored and often even enhanced.

If you want to increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships then there are a few things to consider. Join us for the continuation of this blog series on trust.

Mistakes Were Made But Not by Me

I blew it; I never should have said that! Have you ever felt bad about something you’ve said or done and wish you could take it back? Sure you have. We all have. Sadly, I’ve said things to people that weren’t said in love. It might have been true, but it wasn’t said in the right way.

The timing of my rationalized, yet hurtful words was bad. The person was too emotionally raw to hear my words. If you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth and regretted it you know what I mean. We might think that our words were reasonable and completely justified. After all, the words were true, didn’t they 'get it' are they really that ‘clueless’?

Here’s the hard part for many. We might have had the right intention, but the impact of our words or actions was not what we hoped for.

Unfortunately, unkind words and actions have caused the end of personal relationships and strained international relationships as well. See James 3:5-10

It’s going to be hard now after what I’ve said. What can I do now to make things better? I can apologize and say, “I’m sorry.” It sounds easy, but why is it so hard for so many to say that? Maybe it’s because we don’t really think we made a mistake?

In the fascinating and well researched book, Mistakes Were Made, (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts the authors explore people’s strong need for self-justification and the serious consequences.

“Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up to the huge implications of their decisions when they screw up?  Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves?  Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson

This self deception is seen in the words from the British politician, Lord Molson (1903-1991), "I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come." See Jesus’ parable the Mote and the Beam.

Have you ever noticed some people have 20/20 vision for faults and flaws and misdeeds of others but, complete myopia when it comes to themselves? Not you, of course, but some people do.
It's somebody else who has the problem.

In other words, the truth is we don’t see our blind spots, but others do. Other people know. They talk about it with each other, but this is just true for all of us, part of the human condition. Like the garden of old we confidently find fault with others, not owning up to what’s ours’.

Why is it so easy to justify and rationalize after we’ve hurt others? Maybe deep down we think they deserve it and were not even aware of it. Maybe it has more to do with us and not them. It can be different.

The question is…Am I quicker to pass judgment on or gossip about other people than I am to see and feel the painful truth about myself?

Hopefully, upon honest reflection you come to the realization that you made a big mistake. What can you do? Here are two suggestions:
First, before you apologize you must acknowledge that you made a mistake. Don’t rationalize and self-justify. Secondly, when you screw up admit,”I’m sorry for hurting you, I made a mistake, will you forgive me? I need to understand what went wrong. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

In the final analysis the test of an individual’s integrity does not depend on being mistake free. It depends on what we do after making the mistake. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu observed more than twenty-five-hundred years ago:

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it.

We all need help. What about you? Why not join me this week with a decision. If somebody says something to you that's critical, instead of leaning away, defending or dismissing, try being more open and ask them to tell you more. That takes guts, but by God’s grace He can open our eyes to see more clearly the truth about ourselves.

I invite you to share any comments or suggestions about how we can do better by admitting our mistakes on this blog or by email.

Showing Mercy

How can we show mercy when we want justice? Last week we looked at how compassion and humility can help bring peace and build bridges in a very divisive world. There is another significant heart posture that can help restore broken relationships and improve our current ones.

Showing Mercy

Mercy is giving more kindness than justice demands. Intentional or not we all hurt each other deeply, it’s just reality. Because of this we need massive doses of mercy to get back on track.  When were hurt there can be a tremendous amount of emotional energy stored up and we have a choice to use that emotional energy for retaliation or restoration? Which do you lean towards to?

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9

How do you do this when someone has insulted you or damaged your heart? We might feel, Lord, help me I don’t want to even talk to them. I want to get back at them, anything but to show mercy. Ask God for a calm spirit and refrain from harsh retaliatory words that you'll regret later.
Remember that God’s way is far different than ours’or the culture.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Things can get really dark given the right circumstance. Words can attack the very core of our being, our abilities, our accomplishments, even our worth as a person. There are times when a wound goes so deep that we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t forgive you.’ God says to us you’re never going to forgive that person more than I’ve already forgiven you. 

Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

Some not only keep a record of wrongs, but they got a whole mental closet of every wrong someone did to them. They’ve cataloged and characterized those offenses and they’re ready to pull one out at the right moment to get their emotional payback.

That’s not God’s way! It may not be easy at all, but we need to lean into forgiveness and show mercy. Forgive as he has forgiven you. Forgiveness is not a one-time event, it’s an aerobic exercise.

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. I Thessalonians 5:15

How would you rate yourself on the mercy scale 1 to 10?  Do you stockpile hurts for ammo for later, and keep a scorecard then give yourself a one. If you’re quick to offer forgiveness and quick to let go of grudges give yourself an 8 or 9.

Joins us in the next blog for another heart attitude that can make all the difference in the world for you and those you care about.

Decidophobia

Princeton philosopher Walter Kaufmann who coined the word ‘decidophobia’ says that human beings are afraid of making decisions. We don’t want the anxiety that goes along with the possibility of being wrong. Decisions can wear us out.

I went to buy some blue jeans. I had to choose from loose fit, boot cut, relaxed fit, distressed, acid washed, stonewashed, pre-worn, straight cut, button fly, zipper fly. Choosing an entree can be so tough that restaurant wait staff help us feel good about our meal selection by saying, “great choice” to any entree decision we make.

Choosing thrills us and scares us
God wants us to learn to choose. Maybe that’s why there is no chapter in the Bible on “Five  Easy Steps to Knowing God's will.

What we do see is “If any of you lack wisdom ask God and he will give generously and not hold back.” James 1:5 and “This is my prayer for you that your love may abound more in more in knowledge and depth of insight, so you may discern what is best.” Philippians 1:9-10 God wants us to be good choosers.

When I’m facing a choice and I want to find God’s will for my life I don’t need to ask which is God’s choice for my life, but rather I need to begin by asking for wisdom. We make decisions and then the decisions make us.

What I think, what I read, where I go, who I’m with, what I do, how I work add up the 1.5 million little decisions we make in our lifetime and what we get is a life. We go through doors and we discover on the other side the person we’ve become.

The people who choose doors well, the Bible calls wise
Not lucky. Not wealthy. Not successful. Wisdom in the Bible is not the same thing as having a high IQ or an advanced educational degree. Wisdom in the Bible is the ability to make great decisions.  

The biggest difference between people who flourish in life and those who don’t is not money, health, talent, connections or looks. It’s wisdom - the ability to make good decisions. Too often we don’t think to ask for wisdom until we’re facing a big decision. But Paul writes, “Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all.” Galatians 6:10

Every day we have open doors
Doors are everywhere. Choosing doors is always a process. I see opportunities, identify options and learn. If I only wait for the big decisions to come my ability to choose will be underdeveloped. It’s good to practice ahead of time with everyday street wisdom before the Big Door decisions arrive and they will.

There is always an open door for us to choose! God provides open doors for us to make wise choices. Are you ready for that door? How will you discern which door to walk through and if it is from God?

A New Open Door in 2018

I’m looking out the window in the early morning on a very cold 3 degree Colorado day thinking about the New Year. Who can tell what we will find? What new experiences, what changes shall come, what new needs shall arise? The TV networks look back at the top stories of 2018. While the top story of my life or yours’ in 2018 didn’t make the national or local news we know what it was.

Perhaps you experienced the loss of a loved one, an encouraging word, a lasting memory, a celebration, health issues or a lesson learned? This time of year some have the need to look back by getting out their mental calculators keeping score of their victories and losses. Most of us hope this year will be better than last.

Some believe that a good intention means a new beginning, that on their own they can make a new start whenever they want. That would be nice if it was that easy. Sometimes despite our high hopes and our best efforts things don’t turn out the way we hoped.

What kind of treadmill are you on?
We may not realize it, but maybe we need to look at the treadmills we’ve been on? Do we need to change our perspective of ‘this is the way things ought to be according to me?’ Or, look at how we measure success or living for the approval of others.

These treadmills don’t just distract us from a satisfied life they can consume us. These perspectives can unknowingly trap and rule us. They can suck the energy right out of us and leave us utterly empty. It’s not easy to let go of all the mental stuff we insist we need for our tomorrows. Some have been stuck in a maze of decidophobia this past year with no end in sight. 

This New Year we all have choices to make that will impact our lives
Like bible characters we cannot predict where our lives will take us. In the scriptures we see God’s unmistakable guidance through a burning bush, a fleece, a voice, a dream, an angel. God can also lead us in no less significant ways, like doors.

For some of us a door has been locked or hidden or a door has meant rejection – ‘They shut the door in my face.’ OR an ‘open’ door can be a choice of boundless opportunities to learn, to do something worthwhile or discover purpose and satisfaction.

In Viktor Frankl’s book The Meaning of Man he tells about how Nazis imprisoned him in a concentration camp. They took away his profession, confiscated his possessions, mocked his dignity, and killed his family. They locked him in a cell with no way out.

Frankl found a door that his guards knew nothing about.
Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Frankl discovered that doors are not just physical. A door is a choice.

Author John Ortberg said about Frankl. “Frankl found that when his circumstances had closed every outer door to him, they revealed to him the doors that matter far more—the doors through which a soul can leave fear and enter into courage, leave hatred and enter into forgiveness, leave ignorance and enter into learning.

He discovered that his guards were actually more imprisoned – by their cruelty and ignorance and foolish obedience to barbarism—than he was imprisoned by walls and barbed wire.”

There is always an open door for you to choose during this entire New Year!  You just need to be able to see them. God provides open doors for you to make wise choices especially when you are assured that your Heavenly Father cares for you.

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You.  I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. Psalm 26:3; 33:22