What Is Submission Anyway?

An important quality that is deeply needed in relationships is submission. Does that sound odd to you? In today’s culture the concept of submission has a negative connotation. Unfortunately, history is full of women and other people groups that have been marginalized by an unbiblical ‘under my thumb’ interpretations of submission. 

So, it’s understandable this reality has impacted the how people view submission. Yes, the word submission has an image problem, but what does scripture say?

Jesus himself was obedient and submissive to death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). In the scriptures Christ followers are to have a submissive attitude towards God, authorities, bosses, spouses and elders. The life of God in us looks like a life of submission. Submission impacts all our relationships.

The Greek word for submission has a military meaning and a non-military meaning. Many have only heard about the military use of getting in line, duty, etc., but the non-military use of submission is a voluntary attitude of cooperating, yielding, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.

Doesn’t that sound like the life of God in us? Cooperation. Yielding. Assuming responsibility. Carrying a burden. This is what we do for each other in the body of believers and it is what we do for those who we live closely with and those who do not yet believe. We submit in such a way that the life of God might be seen in us and help others see Him through our actions.

A better way to understand biblical submission is being unselfish in our relationships and having the courage to give up my rights to meet another person’s needs.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4

One main ingredient in living a satisfying life is the ability to be unselfish. We’ve all have choices with the way we choose to live and here are the most common.

Other’s Way – Living to make other people happy

What do you want me to be and do for you? This may include compromising my deepest values. It’s sad to see what people will do to earn other’s acceptance and approval.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. If I seek to please man, I am no longer pleasing God. Galatians 1:10 

You can exhaust yourself and lose your identity in trying to please people and eventually resent it and go underground. We might think that living for others’ ways is submission, but that’s not at all what it means. It’s not being used and abused by letting someone walk all over you to make them happy. There is another way.

My Way
Being exhausted of earning other’s approval for too long can turn into my way. For more on My way and the God’s Way join us for the next blog.

Decidophobia

Princeton philosopher Walter Kaufmann who coined the word ‘decidophobia’ says that human beings are afraid of making decisions. We don’t want the anxiety that goes along with the possibility of being wrong. Decisions can wear us out.

I went to buy some blue jeans. I had to choose from loose fit, boot cut, relaxed fit, distressed, acid washed, stonewashed, pre-worn, straight cut, button fly, zipper fly. Choosing an entree can be so tough that restaurant wait staff help us feel good about our meal selection by saying, “great choice” to any entree decision we make.

Choosing thrills us and scares us
God wants us to learn to choose. Maybe that’s why there is no chapter in the Bible on “Five  Easy Steps to Knowing God's will.

What we do see is “If any of you lack wisdom ask God and he will give generously and not hold back.” James 1:5 and “This is my prayer for you that your love may abound more in more in knowledge and depth of insight, so you may discern what is best.” Philippians 1:9-10 God wants us to be good choosers.

When I’m facing a choice and I want to find God’s will for my life I don’t need to ask which is God’s choice for my life, but rather I need to begin by asking for wisdom. We make decisions and then the decisions make us.

What I think, what I read, where I go, who I’m with, what I do, how I work add up the 1.5 million little decisions we make in our lifetime and what we get is a life. We go through doors and we discover on the other side the person we’ve become.

The people who choose doors well, the Bible calls wise
Not lucky. Not wealthy. Not successful. Wisdom in the Bible is not the same thing as having a high IQ or an advanced educational degree. Wisdom in the Bible is the ability to make great decisions.  

The biggest difference between people who flourish in life and those who don’t is not money, health, talent, connections or looks. It’s wisdom - the ability to make good decisions. Too often we don’t think to ask for wisdom until we’re facing a big decision. But Paul writes, “Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all.” Galatians 6:10

Every day we have open doors
Doors are everywhere. Choosing doors is always a process. I see opportunities, identify options and learn. If I only wait for the big decisions to come my ability to choose will be underdeveloped. It’s good to practice ahead of time with everyday street wisdom before the Big Door decisions arrive and they will.

There is always an open door for us to choose! God provides open doors for us to make wise choices. Are you ready for that door? How will you discern which door to walk through and if it is from God?

A New Open Door in 2018

I’m looking out the window in the early morning on a very cold 3 degree Colorado day thinking about the New Year. Who can tell what we will find? What new experiences, what changes shall come, what new needs shall arise? The TV networks look back at the top stories of 2018. While the top story of my life or yours’ in 2018 didn’t make the national or local news we know what it was.

Perhaps you experienced the loss of a loved one, an encouraging word, a lasting memory, a celebration, health issues or a lesson learned? This time of year some have the need to look back by getting out their mental calculators keeping score of their victories and losses. Most of us hope this year will be better than last.

Some believe that a good intention means a new beginning, that on their own they can make a new start whenever they want. That would be nice if it was that easy. Sometimes despite our high hopes and our best efforts things don’t turn out the way we hoped.

What kind of treadmill are you on?
We may not realize it, but maybe we need to look at the treadmills we’ve been on? Do we need to change our perspective of ‘this is the way things ought to be according to me?’ Or, look at how we measure success or living for the approval of others.

These treadmills don’t just distract us from a satisfied life they can consume us. These perspectives can unknowingly trap and rule us. They can suck the energy right out of us and leave us utterly empty. It’s not easy to let go of all the mental stuff we insist we need for our tomorrows. Some have been stuck in a maze of decidophobia this past year with no end in sight. 

This New Year we all have choices to make that will impact our lives
Like bible characters we cannot predict where our lives will take us. In the scriptures we see God’s unmistakable guidance through a burning bush, a fleece, a voice, a dream, an angel. God can also lead us in no less significant ways, like doors.

For some of us a door has been locked or hidden or a door has meant rejection – ‘They shut the door in my face.’ OR an ‘open’ door can be a choice of boundless opportunities to learn, to do something worthwhile or discover purpose and satisfaction.

In Viktor Frankl’s book The Meaning of Man he tells about how Nazis imprisoned him in a concentration camp. They took away his profession, confiscated his possessions, mocked his dignity, and killed his family. They locked him in a cell with no way out.

Frankl found a door that his guards knew nothing about.
Frankl wrote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

Frankl discovered that doors are not just physical. A door is a choice.

Author John Ortberg said about Frankl. “Frankl found that when his circumstances had closed every outer door to him, they revealed to him the doors that matter far more—the doors through which a soul can leave fear and enter into courage, leave hatred and enter into forgiveness, leave ignorance and enter into learning.

He discovered that his guards were actually more imprisoned – by their cruelty and ignorance and foolish obedience to barbarism—than he was imprisoned by walls and barbed wire.”

There is always an open door for you to choose during this entire New Year!  You just need to be able to see them. God provides open doors for you to make wise choices especially when you are assured that your Heavenly Father cares for you.

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in You.  I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. Psalm 26:3; 33:22

Learning From Open Doors

We all can learn from open doors. No door is so small or ordinary that they cannot be one of God’s open doors. The doors available to us can often confuse us. We think our work, our accomplishments, or our family should turn out a certain way, but unfortunately they seldom do.  But life depends less on which doors you go through – your expectations, your plans, or your desires than on how you go through them.

Open doors can reveal ourselves
In choosing doors wisely you must be an expert on you, but not in a selfish way. You need to be aware of how God has wired you, your interest, your values and skills. You also need to become aware of those parts of yourself that you wish most to avoid. Discerning open doors requires an awareness of the world inside of you. A lack of self- awareness is a crippling handicap that no amount of talent can overcome.

Strengths and weaknesses
If I’m going to understand which door God is likely to set before me I need to have some sense of what are my strengths, weaknesses and interests. Knowing these things will help prevent a lot of detours. Author Marcus Buckingham notes that your strengths are not simply what you’re good at and your weaknesses are not simply what your bad at. You’ll have some activities in your life that you might even be pretty effective at doing, but they drain you.

Marcus goes on… “What do you call that?  Something you’d been blessed with lots of ability to do well, but cursed with no appetite for it… You call that a weakness.  A weakness is any activity that leaves you feeling weaker after you do it. It doesn’t matter how good you are it and how much money you make doing it, if doing it drains you of energy, you’d be crazy to build your career around it.” ‘The Truth about You’ p.41

It is better to acknowledge that I walked through a wrong door than to spend the rest of my life in the wrong place. Ouch. The Apostle Paul said, “We are what he made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life” Ephesians 2:10 (NRSV).

The God who made you also made the doors for you to go through and the things for you to do.  Generally, he will give you not only the skills, but also the interest to do what he asks you to do over the long haul.