Failure Happens, Then What?

 

The difference between success and failure depends on how you look at it. Our culture has conditioned us to see success as a most desirable goal and failure as a terrible event.  Most people view freedom from difficulties, not the ability to handle difficulties well, as a measure of success and maturity, yet God continues to build His kingdom with those who have failed.

Although failure is not a requirement for success, it can be a stepping stone to deeper relationships with God and others. By God’s grace, we can learn how to fail successfully! God is a specialist in working out our failings into His purposes.

Failure can actually get you closer to a place where God wants you to be.
After miserably failing to deliver the Hebrews in his own strength and then spending forty years in the desert Moses was adamantly reluctant to represent God to the Pharaoh

“What if they do not believe me or listen to me?... Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue. Please send someone else.” Exodus 4:1, 10, 13

Later, this timid Moses confidently stood up to the Pharaoh face to face. When there was no way of escape from the Pharaoh’s fast-approaching army Moses boldly told his people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today.”

Failure can increase your confidence in God
Even if we’re feeling useless or washed up God can do for you what he did for Moses. He can call us back to Himself and deepen our trust in Him. After Moses’ failure his ‘uninvited and unexpected time’ in the Midian desert brought him to a place of reflection and it’s is no different for you and me.

We can learn from our wilderness time that our life is not over and neither is our life purpose!  Afterward, we can be available and respond confidently when an opportunity arrives. Are you ready for your burning bush?

Failure can empower us to help others
We can deepen our trust in God by learning from our failings. Our greatest fear should not be of failing at something, but failing at something that doesn’t matter all that much. Like Moses, after we’ve majorly blown it we can find ourselves in the proverbial wilderness.

While we’re in the desert we are in a place where we are not where we used to be or where we want to be. Maybe you’re in unchartered territory and want to get out of it, but you can’t.

Failure is an open door for a deeper trust in God
But, if my heart response is, “I don’t need this, I don’t deserve this, I’m a failure, I can’t do anything right” or if I blame others for my failings I won’t learn to trust in God with my fears. Thankfully, there is a better way! Like Moses, you can accept your failings and let Him use them. His glory can shine out of what we bring to him in humility!

When you are honest with yourself and God you can trust that His everlasting arms of acceptance are always open to you! Trust that God can redeem your poor choices to help others. He’s used to it. He’s good at it and he wants to do that for you. Thank God He uses the ordinary to do extraordinary things for His Glory.

 

After We've Blown It

In Redefining Failure, “Moses thought that his own people would realize that God was using him to rescue them, but they did not.”Acts 7:25 Moses’ impulsive self will lead to the death of an Egyptian. When it became know he feared for his life he frantically fled into the Midian wilderness.

Running and exhausted, when Moses arrived in the Midian desert he ‘sat down by a well.’ There at the well, he had the time to reflect on his epic failure and perhaps asked himself, “What did I just do? I can’t believe it. Now, what am I going to do?”

Unlike Moses, many of us do not sit down long enough to process our failings? As Lincoln said, “My great concern is not whether you’ve failed, but are you content with it?” Have we thought it through and accepted it? Do we learn from our failings or are we destined to repeat them?

For the next several decades Moses had another kind of education, one of obscurity in the dry and barren Midian desert. He settled in as a foreigner and learned what it was to be a shepherd and had two sons. During those seemingly forgotten years, God remembered Moses! God still had a plan for him.  Another observation that we can learn from Moses’ life is that…

God Is with You During and After Your Failings
After forty long years, God gave Moses another visit. God had heard the cries of His oppressed people in Egypt (Exodus 2:23) and now He was going to deliver them from their bondage by the hand of Moses. God spoke to Moses and told him that he would, “Tell the Pharaoh to let my people go.”

Moses’ response was, “Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?” After failing so miserably last time it was understandable that Moses was so insistent that he wouldn’t have anything to do with delivering Israel.

Then God said to Moses, “I will be with you.” You see now Moses, last time you did it your way and I wasn’t in it, but this time I AM! You got that Moses? Don’t miss this, “I will be with you!”

Moses continued his adamant reluctance with excuses (Ex.4:1, 10-13). “Not me Lord, I’m not qualified, I’m not a good speaker. Remember Lord, I’m a loser?” O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”Over the years Moses had become preoccupied with his past failure. He couldn’t forget it. His failure became his ball and chain. The second observation is that…Cross references:

Failure Can Lead to a Lack of Trust in God and Yourself
But it doesn’t have to! Unfortunately, some people can’t accept their failure and move on. They’re stuck in their own self-imposed prison cell. It doesn’t have to be that way! Everyone experiences failure, but the biggest failure is not trying again. You can start over!

No matter what we’ve done, know that no one has failed too greatly or too much for God! God doesn’t waste your failures. He uses them to remind you how desperately you really need His presence and guidance. Thankfully, when you do fail God’s acceptance is always available.

God can work your failure into His plans! He knows exactly what to do. He has a long history of redeeming failure. As he was with Moses, God will be with YOU!

As Winston Churchill said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Join us for the next blog as we learn how the radical turnaround in Moses’ life can help you too!

Redefining Failure

 

A young man was appointed president of a bank. Intimidated by his new responsibilities, he nervously sought the advice of his gray-haired predecessor:

Sir. What has been the secret of your success? The secret, young man, is two words: right decisions! replied the older man. But how do you make the right decisions? One word: experience. But how do you get experience? The old man smiled. Two words: wrong decisions.

We all make bad decisions. We all fail. We can deny that we fail, or run from it and even allow it to become a paralyzing fear or we can see failure as an important part of our success.

The difference between success and failure depends on how you look at it. Our culture has conditioned us to see success as a most desirable goal and failure as a terrible event. The reverse may actually be closer to the truth.

We make excuses or blame others for our failures and pretend to be successful when were not. There are some who believe they’re failures and others who believe they’ve never failed. Lets’ face it we all fail.

Michael Jordan said,” I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On countless occasions, I have been entrusted to take the game-winning shot and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that’s precisely why I succeed.”

Although failure is not a requirement for success, it can be a stepping stone to deeper relationships with God and others. By God’s grace, we can learn how to fail successfully! God is a specialist in working out our failings into His purposes. We can learn a lot from our failings.

After thousands of failed experiments, Thomas Edison would say, “I have not failed. I have learned thousands of ways that won't work.” It’s not so important that we fail, but that we learn from it.

“Before I was afflicted, I went astray, but now I obey your word... It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decree.” Psalm 119:67, 71 The Hebrew word for ‘afflicted’ refers to not only physical suffering but also to brokenness and failure. The psalmist makes it clear that failure can bring emotional and spiritual growth.

As a child, Moses was privately tutored in the Pharaoh’s palace with all its’ advantages. Moses was educated in all the wisdom of the Egyptians and was powerful in speech and action. Moses had it all. He was handsome and had a great resume. When Moses spoke, people listened! His life is a case study of how God uses our failings.

When Moses became aware of his people’s oppression he thought he could deliver them by his own power (Acts 7:25). The Rambo Moses tried to emancipate the Hebrews by his own passionate will and might. Seeking justice in his own way he took matters into his own hands and took the life of an Egyptian (Ex.2:11-14) and he was in big-time trouble!

There are some observations from Moses’ failings that we all can learn from. The first observation is that no matter where we come from and despite what we may think…

No One Is Exempt from Suffering
Moses had not yet learned the distinction between passion and purpose and impulse and principle. He was sympathetic towards the plight of his people’s suffering and wanted their oppressor to feel his wrath. Yet, the response to his impulsive action was heard in the question by own of his own people, "Who made you ruler and judge over us?

Instead of Moses delivering and leading the Hebrews no one was listening or wanted to follow him, at least not yet. Moses was afraid, disappointed, and exhausted. He pushed his own way and ran from what he caused apart from God’s way and timing. Sound familiar?

For Moses, there was no deliverance, only failure. Moses learned the hardest of lessons that we also would do well to consider. The second observation:

Passionate self-will before knowing God’s way can lead us to disaster
Oh, precious ones may we learn not only this observation from the life of Moses, but so much more from his life in the next coming blog.

 

Do Not Leave Your Bag Unattended

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?”

In the journey of our lives our parents or ourselves, not terrorists, have helped pack our bags for us with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy. If your suitcase is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees.

We used to hear "Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

When Israel went on their long Exodus trip they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols. At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives.

They took their difficult experience of 400 years of slavery that impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like. A land flowing with milk and honey.

God told Israel, 'I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me.' (Ex.6:2-5). It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey.

Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following other lovers and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different for us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way.

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, our possessions, our own expectations, or the control of people, places, and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of Egypt's false security. Their constant favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage. Go figure.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so, like this smoking ad.

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on.

None of us are absolutely free from our past. While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it.

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need to know that letting go is accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years. They got themselves into that mess.

Letting go is learning how to let go of your past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person. That’s hard even with the best intentions. Although we should not give disproportionate power to our past the past is not our enemy.

Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. While we can’t change the past, but we can learn from it. Like it or not our past can become our identity inventory. It can be good or bad. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER their past in the celebration of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

The Free Fall Of Trust

When Gallup first asked Americans about their trust of newspapers in 1973, 39 percent said they had a great deal of trust in them and by 1979, that number reached a high of 51 percent. In 2016, only 20 percent of Americans said they trust newspapers. Trust in television news has charted much the same course, and it fares only slightly better in 2016, with 21 percent trust.

In a poll we did a while back on this website we asked how you would define trust. Many of you said that it’s hard to believe that someone will actually do what they say they will do. According to most polls virtually every institution has lost public trust, especially Congress and current Presidental candidates. 

Mistrust Is Everywhere

These days, less than one-third of Americans say most people can be trusted. Half felt that way in 1972, when polls first asked the question. A record high of nearly two-thirds say "you can't be too careful" in dealing with people. Americans are suspicious of each other in everyday encounters.

From Israelis and Palestinians, politicians, the News Media, corporations and institutions of every kind to even to telling our kids not to trust strangers, mistrust is everywhere.

Broken Relational Trust
One third of the 40 million people looking for a date online are married, but they don’t put that in their profile. So, it’s understandable that people struggle with who to trust.

“Generally speaking, a loss of trust created by a violation of character (integrity or intent) is far more difficult to restore than a loss of trust created by a violation of competence (capabilities or results).”  Stephen Covey

Lets’ face it we all have trust issues, yet we all want to say, ‘I trust you.’

All of us have been wounded by a lack of trust from an institution or more importantly a person and it’s impacted how we perceive people and our relationships. I’ve told my kids regarding their social world to trust the people who prove they’re trustworthy.

Now, that is reasonable, but what does that look like? What is the basis of trust and how can I develop trust without having a cynical perspective? Especially after having been lied to and hurt as a result? Though it may be difficult, in most cases, lost trust can be restored and often even enhanced.

If you want to increase your relational trust in your life and have more rewarding relationships then there are a few things to consider. Join us for the continuation of this blog series on trust.

What Is Submission Anyway?

An important quality that is deeply needed in relationships is submission. Does that sound odd to you? In today’s culture the concept of submission has a negative connotation. Unfortunately, history is full of women and other people groups that have been marginalized by an unbiblical ‘under my thumb’ interpretations of submission. 

So, it’s understandable this reality has impacted the how people view submission. Yes, the word submission has an image problem, but what does scripture say?

Jesus himself was obedient and submissive to death, even death on a cross (Philippians 2:8). In the scriptures Christ followers are to have a submissive attitude towards God, authorities, bosses, spouses and elders. The life of God in us looks like a life of submission. Submission impacts all our relationships.

The Greek word for submission has a military meaning and a non-military meaning. Many have only heard about the military use of getting in line, duty, etc., but the non-military use of submission is a voluntary attitude of cooperating, yielding, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.

Doesn’t that sound like the life of God in us? Cooperation. Yielding. Assuming responsibility. Carrying a burden. This is what we do for each other in the body of believers and it is what we do for those who we live closely with and those who do not yet believe. We submit in such a way that the life of God might be seen in us and help others see Him through our actions.

A better way to understand biblical submission is being unselfish in our relationships and having the courage to give up my rights to meet another person’s needs.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4

One main ingredient in living a satisfying life is the ability to be unselfish. We’ve all have choices with the way we choose to live and here are the most common.

Other’s Way – Living to make other people happy

What do you want me to be and do for you? This may include compromising my deepest values. It’s sad to see what people will do to earn other’s acceptance and approval.

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. If I seek to please man, I am no longer pleasing God. Galatians 1:10 

You can exhaust yourself and lose your identity in trying to please people and eventually resent it and go underground. We might think that living for others’ ways is submission, but that’s not at all what it means. It’s not being used and abused by letting someone walk all over you to make them happy. There is another way.

My Way
Being exhausted of earning other’s approval for too long can turn into my way. For more on My way and the God’s Way join us for the next blog.

Honesty in the Journey

All of us struggle and no one is exempt. Bad things happen to good people. A phone call, a hard conversation or a heartbreaking doctor’s report. None of us can escape pain no matter how hard we try. Pain is inevitable, misery is an option.

We can run from our pain or fight it or become cynical and detached. As Simon and Garfunkle sang,
“I touch no one and no one touches me. I am rock and rock feels no pain and an island never cries.”  Many people won’t admit to themselves but they have resigned themselves to, “Is this all I get? I guess this is the best there is.”

We all struggle with something
Whether it’s physical or emotional pain, the pain of failure or a broken relationship, or the pain of honesty. Many are struggling to just to make it through the day.  Some pretend that everything’s okay when their dying inside.  They’re not trying to fool themselves, but maybe they’re trying to fool everyone else. Maybe they think inside that they don’t measure up or that what they’re struggling with is so embarrassing it would not be worthy of someone’s time.

Could it be that we have created a false image of what it means to be a spiritually mature person? As if, being a spiritually mature you don’t ever get depressed, worried or disappointed.  So, many put on a happy face.  Image management can become exhausting and it’s not very fun either.  Far too many buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t even know.

Some of us have been around some older folk when the filters come off and they’re not trying to impress anyone anymore. That can be uncomfortable or refreshing. We’re all human and we all drop the ball.  

Everything doesn’t have to have a positive spin
We don’t have to manufacture positive emotions to assess our lives. God created us with a yearning for belonging and acceptance.  When we understand and experience God’s unconditional love and acceptance we can begin working from acceptance and not for acceptance. As Augustine said, “You have made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its’ rest in You.”

When we’ve been deeply wounded it’s understandable to try to protect our hearts by isolating ourselves. When we are in our deepest struggle we need to stop running away from people.  Do you have someone you can run to?  

We all need people that when we mess up, they run to pick us up. They need to know we need help. It is in community that God brings His greatest healing. We need people who will believe in us and fight for us.

God doesn’t waste your pain
Nothing needs to be wasted on the editing room floor of your life. God can use your pain. If you can be honest and learn how to embrace your pain it can be a gift to you and for others. Since pain is inescapable ask God how He can use your pain to help others.

The God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 2 Corinthians 1:4

Decidophobia

Princeton philosopher Walter Kaufmann who coined the word ‘decidophobia’ says that human beings are afraid of making decisions. We don’t want the anxiety that goes along with the possibility of being wrong. Decisions can wear us out.

I went to buy some blue jeans. I had to choose from loose fit, boot cut, relaxed fit, distressed, acid washed, stonewashed, pre-worn, straight cut, button fly, zipper fly. Choosing an entree can be so tough that restaurant wait staff help us feel good about our meal selection by saying, “great choice” to any entree decision we make.

Choosing thrills us and scares us
God wants us to learn to choose. Maybe that’s why there is no chapter in the Bible on “Five  Easy Steps to Knowing God's will.

What we do see is “If any of you lack wisdom ask God and he will give generously and not hold back.” James 1:5 and “This is my prayer for you that your love may abound more in more in knowledge and depth of insight, so you may discern what is best.” Philippians 1:9-10 God wants us to be good choosers.

When I’m facing a choice and I want to find God’s will for my life I don’t need to ask which is God’s choice for my life, but rather I need to begin by asking for wisdom. We make decisions and then the decisions make us.

What I think, what I read, where I go, who I’m with, what I do, how I work add up the 1.5 million little decisions we make in our lifetime and what we get is a life. We go through doors and we discover on the other side the person we’ve become.

The people who choose doors well, the Bible calls wise
Not lucky. Not wealthy. Not successful. Wisdom in the Bible is not the same thing as having a high IQ or an advanced educational degree. Wisdom in the Bible is the ability to make great decisions.  

The biggest difference between people who flourish in life and those who don’t is not money, health, talent, connections or looks. It’s wisdom - the ability to make good decisions. Too often we don’t think to ask for wisdom until we’re facing a big decision. But Paul writes, “Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all.” Galatians 6:10

Every day we have open doors
Doors are everywhere. Choosing doors is always a process. I see opportunities, identify options and learn. If I only wait for the big decisions to come my ability to choose will be underdeveloped. It’s good to practice ahead of time with everyday street wisdom before the Big Door decisions arrive and they will.

There is always an open door for us to choose! God provides open doors for us to make wise choices. Are you ready for that door? How will you discern which door to walk through and if it is from God?

Building Bridges of Trust

Building bridges of trust is possible

Yet, our relational histories, to a large extent, can hinder us in trusting others. Whether we recall intentional or unintentional wounds from others they impact us in how we perceive others’ intentions.

Some find it extremely difficult if not impossible to trust others. They just haven’t seen enough integrity that would merit trust. An individual’s capacity for trust depends on their childhood, background and experiences. They have been let down countless times. I get that.

Yet, Jesus told His disciples, “I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” He had been walking with them for a few years and trusted his friends with his life. Even in the garden when He asked for prayer they fell asleep and hours later would deny Him. Yet he loved them.  

We can build bridges of trust in an age of distrust.

“Demonstrate a propensity to trust. Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend conditionally to those who are earning your trust. Do be quick to forgive-whether or not we choose to trust in the future, we always need to forgive.” John McGee

The more trusting we become the easier it is for another to trust us in a personal relationship.

Improving our listening will help immensely. Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears and your eyes and heart. 

Don’t assume you know what matters most to others. 

Don’t presume you have all the answers or all the questions. We need to be patient with other’s progress. If we judge others on how far they need to go according to our criteria we quench trust and we unintentionally drive them away.

If we want to develop trust and enjoy people today we need to allow room for their growth. Intimacy builds on trust, but an initial risk must be taken before trust can develop. There is no intimacy without risk. The risk is an intelligent leap of trust. Once taken, the more one puts into a relationship in trust, the more commitment increases.

Sometimes we want people to be trustworthy, yet we fail to realize our role in developing trust. It is so much easier to expect change from others than to work on transforming our own hearts to trust not only God, but others as well.

Your comments are appreciated below.

God Has an Open Door for You

If I Chose the Wrong Door I Missed Gods Will for My Life
Now, I’ll just have to settle for second best. People who don’t like the outcome of one decision obsess over what might have happened if they had chosen differently.  Like person who comes to believe he should have made a different career choice and lives with a chronic sense of guilt.  A woman believes she married the wrong man and fantasizes over an imaginary marriage to the man she now decides was Plan A.

It seems that many of us tend to think more often in a negative direction than a positive one. We think disproportionately about the outcomes that disappoint us and not the ones that filled us with gratitude that we could have missed out on.

As author John Ortberg says,“The Apostle Paul makes a great distinction. He says there is a godly sorrow that brings repentance and a worldly that brings death. (2 Corinthians 7:10)  The right kind of sorrow over a bad decision creates energy rather than despair. It helps us to learn from past mistakes and grow into wisdom. Worldly sorrow is depleting. In worldly sorrow we look at our bad choices as though the world rather than God is our only hope.”   

God’s will for my life is centered mainly in who he wants me to become.

God Could Never Understand My Frustration about Closed Doors
One of the most famous pictures of a door in the history was by the  artist William Holman Holt. It

shows the figure of a single man, standing outside the little home he wants to enter to be allowed in. We cannot tell if there is anyone inside or if the door will ever be opened. 

Imagine if you stood outside someone’s home knocking on the door, not knowing whether you will be allowed in. God has given to every person the door to their own heart, and God himself will not force his way in.

No person has ever faced the pain of rejection as much as God has. God is not just the one who opens doors; he is the one who stands knocking at closed doors. He is the most rejected person in the history of the world. If he is willing to stand at the door of my heart and knock, who am I to give up?

Some Doors Are So Closed That God Can’t Do Anything About It
Locked door are God’s specialty. If God can open the heavy door of a sealed tomb, no door is closed to Him. Consider after the resurrection the doors of the house the disciples were locked, but Jesus appeared to them. Later, doors were shut were his followers were he showed up and said, “Peace be with you.”

The doors of our lives are not closed to God. Know that he can enter our everyday stuff with his presence and peace and show us that his power can change our perspective even when things  look grim. Open doors are new every morning.

Myths About Open Doors

“This, too, shall pass.” “God helps those who help themselves.”  “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” Sounds biblical, but these phrases are not in the Bible. That happens quite a lot. “God will never give you more than you can handle.”  You’ve heard that before.  The Bible says, God will not allow someone to be ‘tempted’ beyond what they can stand, but the Bible never says God will not allow you to be given more than you can handle. People are given more than they can handle all the time.

“When God closes a door he opens a window.” Yet, the Bible says, “What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open” (Revelation 3:7) Our own desires and ideas about God opening doors can be full of misconception and superstition, maybe even spiritualized wish fulfillment.

People have told their soon to be spouses, “You can’t break up with me; God already told me you’re the one.” Sometimes we cite God opening a door to justify our choices.  When I try to use God the way someone uses a magic eight ball or a horoscope I make God my genie in a bottle. 

Here are some myths about divine doors.

If I’m unclear about which door to choose I’m doing something wrong.
Big decisions are rarely simple. We can say, “God just tell me what to do.”  Sometimes were not looking so much for God’s will for our lives, but to simply be relieved of the anxiety that comes with taking responsibility for making a decision.  God is the door opener, but not a magical enabler.

God’s will for your life often is, “You decide.” God cares more about whom you are becoming and not so much what you do for a living, were you live or who you marry. He wants you to become a person of character and love.  

Sometimes God may have a specific assignment for you and God is perfectly competent to make this clear. But it’s helpful to understand that a lack of guidance from heaven regarding which door to choose does not mean that either God or I had failed. God knows that I would grow more with having to grapple with a hard decision than if I got a memo from heaven.

An open door means the way will be less difficult or easy.
If I choose the right door, I’ll be able to tell because my life will get easier. If this is my criteria for door judging, then every time I hit “hard,” I can doubt God, myself, and my choice. When God calls people to go through open doors, what generally happens is life gets much harder.

“A wide door for effective work has opened to me, and there are many adversaries.”

                                                                                                                  1 Corinthians 16:9

Not just a door, but a wide door.  Paul knew that resistance and opposition was part of the confirmation of the door God had opened for him. Avoided trouble is tempting, but not the path to maturity. Jesus never said, “Your life will be easy.” Jesus used the word easy only once, but it wasn’t about our circumstances.

He did say, “I’ll give you an easy yoke.’’ A Rabbi’s yoke was a way of saying a follower would take on his way of life. That is, daily receiving God’s transforming grace that brings peace and strength beyond yourself that will enable you to live life to the fullest. Are you?

Join us next time for more myths about doors.
   

What's Behind Door #2?

Princeton philosopher Walter Kaufmann who coined the word ‘decidophobia’ says that human beings are afraid of making decisions. We don’t want the anxiety that goes along with the possibility of being wrong. Decisions can wear us out.

The other day I went to buy some blue jeans. I had to choose from loose fit, boot cut, relaxed fit, distressed, acid washed, stonewashed, preworn, straight cut, button fly, zipper fly… Choosing an entree can be so tough that restaurant wait staff help us feel good about our meal selection by saying, “great choice” to any entree decision we make.

Choosing thrills us and scares us.
God wants us to learn to choose. Maybe that’s why there is no chapter in the Bible devoted to “How to Know God’s Will for Your Life.” The Apostle Paul doesn’t write about “Steps to determine if he’s the one” or “five ways to discern God’s job for you.”

What we do see is “If any of you lack wisdom ask God and he will give generously and not hold back.” James 1:5 and “This is my prayer for you that your love may abound more in more in knowledge and depth of insight, so you may discern what is best.” Philippians 1:9-10 God wants us to be good choosers.

When I’m facing a choice and I want to find God’s will for my life I don’t need to ask which is God’s choice for my life, but rather I need to begin by asking for wisdom. We make decisions and then the decisions make us.

What I think, what I read, where I go, who I’m with what I do, how I work. Add up the 1.5 million little decisions we make in our lifetime and what we get is a life. We go through doors and we discover on the other side the person we’ve become.

The people who choose doors well, the Bible calls wise.
Not lucky. Not wealthy. Not successful. Wisdom in the Bible is not the same thing as having a high IQ or an advanced educational degree. Wisdom in the Bible is the ability to make great decisions.  

The biggest difference between people who flourish in life and those who don’t is not money, health, talent, connections or looks. It’s wisdom - the ability to make good decisions. Too often we don’t think to ask for wisdom until we’re facing a big decision. But Paul writes, “Whenever we have an opportunity, let us work for the good of all.” Galatians 6:10

Every day we have open doors
Doors are everywhere. Choosing doors is always a process. I see opportunities identify options and learn. If I only wait for the big decisions to come my ability to choose will be underdeveloped. It’s good to practice ahead of time with everyday street wisdom before the Big Door decisions arrive and they will.

There is always an open door for us to choose! God provides open doors for us to make wise choices. Are you ready for that door? How will you discern which door to walk through and if it is from God?

Join us next time as we explore the myths about open doors.
 

Wise Words

Last time we looked at how the emotional and mental consequences of our words can be liberating or can distance us from others. Our words can bring healing or a curse. All of us can improve upon the words we choose. Being aware of four dynamics about the power of our words can change things and prevent broken relationships.

First, talking too much can get us into deep trouble.
Countless people have said way too much too often and have alienated themselves from others. Solomon had some good advice about our words,

“Do not be quick with your mouth, and do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. Much dreaming and many words are meaningless.” Ecclesiastes 5:2, 7

God desires to help us control ourselves when we speak. If you a have tendency to talk too much, think again. Maybe President Calvin Coolidge had Proverbs 10:19 in mind when he said, “I have noticed that the nothing I’ve said did not harm me.”

In a multitude of words sin is not absent, but he who refrains his lips is wise. Prov.10:19

Talk less, listen more.

Secondly, angry words can push people away from us.

Reckless words pierce like a sword. Pro.12:18

Despite our rationalization of how, why and what we have said we need to be careful what we say. None of us are exempt from blowing it. Angry and vindictive words, gossip or sharing confidential information have permanently ruined relationships and have cost people their jobs.

An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins. Prov. 29:21-23

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Prov.17:9 See Prov.16:28; 26:22; Ecc.7:21-22

Thirdly, our words can influence others for good.
The lips of the righteous nourish man… From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things as surely as the work of his hands rewards him. Prov. 10:21; 12:14

Fourthly, our words affect our future
Mere words can never substitute for deeds. Some use words all their life without real change. We’re not talking about vocabulary or techniques, but getting control of our hearts. For out of our heart the mouth speaks. God help us. Our words do matter; they have the power of life or death.

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips Psalm 141:3.

Our words can contribute to a solution or further the difficulty. The Apostle Paul encouraged us to speak with grace and consideration, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6

If you want to do better with your words you speak  it will involve choosing your words CAREFULLY. You and I need to define the art of listening and being slow to speak. It’s not just about the words you speak, but about the words you choose not to speak. Is what you’re about to say true, confidential, kind, or necessary?

Here are some very  impacting words from the Apostle Paul that we all would do well to practice,

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

Which of the 4 dynamics resonated with you the most? Your comments are encouraged and appreciated.

Mark

The God Kind of Wisdom

In the previous blog from the ‘Everyday Wisdom’ series we saw the difference between conventional wisdom and Godly wisdom. Whether the wise are successful in the cultures’ standard of success or not, the wise in the book of Proverbs are successful at life from God’s perspective.

Success is not having the right formula, financial freedom or attending the right school or program, but being a certain kind of person. We cannot separate who we are from what we do.

According to Proverbs there are some characteristics that mark a wise person. What are those marks?

They know who is in charge
Military personnel know who to salute when they see a designated rank. One of the marks of a wise person is their heart's posture of submission to God. A Roman centurion whose servant was paralyzed knew who to salute when he said to Jesus,

“Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it” Matt.8:8-9.

Jesus was amazed by this guy’s faith and submission. The wise submits to the truths of God in contrast to others who like their own way and have no use for the knowledge and wisdom of God.

    This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome. 1 John 5:3

They continually seek truth
Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance…Wise men store up knowledge…and the heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.                                                                                                            Proverbs 1:5; 10:14; 18:15

The wise are open to truth and know they don’t have a corner on the truth. The wise are open to the truth no matter where or who it comes from. Those who think they know everything are typically not teachable. The wise know that the whole truth and nothing but the truth is found only in God.

The wise commit themselves to grow in God the rest of their lives. Their ears are always open to more truth and have a thirst for it. If you want to grow in everyday wisdom you will make God the major pursuit of your life.

They know when they’re wrong
Wow, that’s refreshing when so few today admit they’re wrong whether it’s business or personal. As hard as it may be at times we need others who tell us the truth about ourselves. These are the kind of friends we really need.
                     The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice. Proverbs 12:15

Rebuke a wise man and he will love you. Instruct a wise man and he will be wiser still; teach a righteous man and he will add to his learning. Proverbs 9:8-9
Like the arrogant Mr. Scrooge those who think they can “do it all by themselves” end up lonely and disconnected. The wise not only value advice, but appreciate the one who corrects them.The wise know they have not arrived or are right 100% of the time. They know that the blame game is lame. 

The wise ask, “What is my part in this situation and what is God teaching me?”  Be different and admit it when you’re wrong. When you do you’ll be getting wiser and your friends and loved ones will appreciate it.

God Gives Second Chances

Even though our life journey may not be as radical as Jonah’s was there are some practical insights we can learn from his amazing story. Looking back on our lives many of us recognize we’ve run from God one way or the other. Intentionally or unintentionally we’ve made decisions that God was not a part of. 

In the last blog we saw that when Jonah ran from God it negatively impacted those around him and brought him to a place where he definitely didn’t want to be.

From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. He said: "In my distress I called to the LORD, and he answered me. From the depths of the grave I called for help and you listened to my cry. Jonah 2:1-2

God listens to prayer of a runner
Maybe like Jonah we’ve come to a place far from God and think we have no leverage with Him, yet God heard Jonah’s desperate cry for help. Regardless of how far we’ve wandered from God He waits for us to reach out to Him. As always He has our best interest in mind.

God is often behind the circumstance that stops a runner in their tracks

You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas, and the currents swirled about me; all your waves and breakers swept over me. Jonah 2:3

During times of disappointing circumstances many sense they’re losing their hopes and dreams and feel that God is paying them back. God is not paying us back, but rather bringing us back to Himself. Many of us can look back on a certain time in our life and know that God stopped us from having our own way.

God’s discipline can be extreme

The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. "When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD, and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.” Jonah 1:4-7

What God allows to happen can be extreme. What did it take for Jonah to come to his senses?  Yes, Jonah’s context was radical and hard to even imagine. How long was he in dire straits? Three heart pounding days. For many it’s not three days.

As a result of the Hebrews’ constant wandering from God they spent forty years in the wilderness and seventy years in Babylonian exile. Ouch. As a result of David’s relationship with Bathsheba he lost his good reputation. Despite our own self- imposed shipwreck God loves us enough to bring us back to Himself.

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11

Through time we can see how God’s loving discipline is for our benefit and His glory.

Running from God is to run from his provision
Jonah ran in the opposite direction God told him to and pursued what he wanted. He was chasing the wind. That perspective seems to be one of the primary reasons most people run from God, thinking they’ll secure their own fulfillment in their own way. Somewhere along the way they’ve wandered off the good path. 

This perspective never works out well for us. Like Jonah, when we wander away from God we have the same allusion that we know what’s best.There are some believers who think, I know God loves me, but I know what I’m doing, I’m going to live my life my way and then assume God will bless it. 

As Thomas A Kempis said, “There is no worse enemy, nor one more troublesome to the soul than you are to yourself if you are not in harmony with the Spirit of God.”

The good news is you cannot outrun God. Being a runner doesn’t disqualify you from God’s grace. Be encouraged that you're not alone. The Bible is full of runners like Adam, Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon and too many more to name.

The God of the second chance

The LORD commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. Then the word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time: "Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you."  Jonah obeyed the word of the LORD and went to Nineveh. Jonah 2:10 – 3:3

The thing is when you quit running you can’t get the time back when you ran. If you’re running, stop now. Ask God for help. Don’t waste your time running anymore, not another season. Run to Him now. His arms are always open to you. He’s ready to eagerly accept you and when you do you won’t regret it.

Repacking To Improve Your Relationship

In the last blog we began letting go of some stuff in our travel bag so we can travel lighter. Letting go is not easy, it’s difficult. It’s a hassle to go through our bag, especially on-site at the airport counter. We can be more prepared. 

We need to know how to unpack and repack pack more wisely for our trip. Yes, while less is more, we don’t want to miss packing three important items for our life journey.

Three Impacting Relational Dynamics to Help You on Your Trip
1. Understand what happened in the relationship In order for you to move on and develop healthy relationships you need to look back and understand what happened to contribute to a broken relationship. This is the part of your journey where you’ll have to be extremely honest with yourself. It will do you no good to blame someone else.

You need to clearly understand the dynamic you and your significant other created together or that you brought with you and clearly trace the threads of the events that led to the shipwreck. Do some self- inventory.

2. Understand the truth about yourself
This truth is important because it builds on the previous dynamic. Jonathon Edwards, one of America’s most brilliant minds said, “Of all kinds of knowledge that we can ever obtain, the knowledge of God and the knowledge of ourselves are the most important.” 

The positive result of knowing the truth about ourselves is that it can free us to start over no matter how bleak it is. When we honestly look inside our hearts there are things we are not pleased with. This could be depressing if we stopped here. But God is good and desires to redeem our choices

We all have blind spots. How often do we hear, mistakes were made, but not by me?  Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” It’s not that many don’t have the time to examine their lives, they just avoid it.

In contrast, people who do examine their lives and think about where they’ve been, how they got there, and where they’re going, will be more prepared for life’s journey. No one has all the answers and no one’s life is free from trouble and strife. Yet, those who know who where they came from (created in God’s image), who they belong to and why they’re here are in a very fertile place to grow. 

So, how about you? If you apply these dynamics you’ll all be better off and those around you will appreciate it. What is it that I could be holding on to? A failed relationship, poor choices, or hurtful words I’ve spoken? Thank God we can know God’s assurance of His forgiveness. I John 1:9

3. Understand Your Unrealistic Expectations

Israel wanted ‘the land flowing with milk and honey’ as God promised, but just not the way He was going about it. They didn’t want to wait for His timing. Could that be true with US? We just want to inherit the land, we want the territory that God said we have coming to us, the fertile ground and all that comes with it.

Many think they have a relationship coming to them that they deserve. Now let’s pretend that you have some particular qualities you want in a significant other. According to a poll of thousands of American single adults the top five qualities were:  1) physical appearance 2) honesty 3) character 4) personality 5) sense of humor

So you have a list of what you hope to find in a relationship… Now, take that list and make it a mirror and not a microscope. May it not be a list of a potential mate, but a standard for you to become. Become your list. Be honest, who do you want to become?  

We all want to experience love, but unfortunately when we don’t fully grasp our need for God’s love we look for love everywhere else and ignore loving others. If I have the perspective of, “God bless my desire to have that kind of person in my top 5,” I put on the ball and chain again…

Now, go lighten your bag and look into the mirror and be the person you want someone else to be for you. Most importantly, be the person God wants you to be!