A Better Way In 2022

The media looked back on the top stories of 2021. While the top story of my life or yours’ in 2021 didn’t make the national or local news we know what it was. Perhaps it was an event, an encouraging word, a memory, a celebration, a disappointing loss, or a lesson learned?  Maybe you learned more about your limitations and in the midst of it, you became more aware of God’s gracious provision.

The New Year provides an opportunity for pause
This time of year many look back by getting out their mental calculators keeping scores of their victories and losses. Most of us hope this year will be better than last. Others approach the New Year with mixed emotions hesitant to let go of the past. Others make overly optimistic and unrealistic plans of how their New Year will look.

Some believe that a good intention means a new beginning, that on their own they can make a new start whenever they want. That would be nice if it was that easy.

What treadmill are you on?
Change is inevitable, but what kind of change? Maybe we need to look at the treadmills we’ve been on? Do we need to change our perspective from ‘this is the way things ought to be according to me?’ Or, look at how we measure success, or maybe it’s living for the approval of others.

These treadmills don’t just distract us from a satisfying life they can consume us
These perspectives can unknowingly trap and rule us. They can suck the energy right out of us and leave us utterly empty. It’s not easy to let go of all the mental stuff we insist we need for our tomorrow along with all the stuff we continue to haul with us from our yesterdays.

One thing that we can all count on this New Year is change
Some changes we gladly choose and others we don’t. Yet, more often than not, despite our high hopes and best efforts we fail to change in the ways God desires. We can’t just grit our teeth and force ourselves to act with compassion. It’s not about trying harder on our own.

Yet, many of us have become far too passive in our pursuit of change and wholeness, and peace. Could in our therapeutic age we have fallen into the passive mindset of “talking through our problems” or “dealing with our issues” or “discovering the roots of our brokenness in our family of origin?”

But I see a more non-passive approach to change in the New Testament. Namely, set your mind.
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2

Jesus isn’t interested in us being changed into people who only become nicer and more agreeable. God does not ask us to accommodate Him but to live for Him. He has something far more different in mind for us this New Year. God can change your life story this New Year. There is a better way.

Live for what matters to God
All of us who have attempted change and failed to know if this year is going to be any different, we need a new approach. Becoming what God desires of us is not a quick-fix formula. It’s a heart change.

There are certain things and people we cannot change, but there are changes we can make that can leave a lasting impact on other people’s lives if we choose to live for what matters to God. God has been changing the hearts and minds of people and nations for thousands of years and He desires to change yours’ and mine too.

Here’s the deal: God significantly changes our lives when we live out a heart's cry of, “Not my will, but thy will be done. What do you want me to do for You Lord?”  And that will be enough.

The God that changes not, changes everything!
Be grateful that His love for you will never change! That’s one thing you can count on today and forever!

May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you. I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness. Psalm 26:3; 33:22

Cultivating Gratitude

Imagine you fall off the side of an ocean liner and, not knowing how to swim, begin to drown. Someone on the deck spots you, flailing in the water and throws you a life preserver. It lands directly in front of you and, just before losing consciousness, you grab hold for dear life.

They pull you up onto the deck, and you cough the water out of your lungs. People gather around, rejoicing that you are safe and waiting expectantly while you regain your senses. After you finally catch your breath, you open your mouth and say: "Did you see the way I grabbed onto that life preserver? How tightly I held on to it? I was all over that thing!"

Needless to say, it would be a bewildering and borderline insane response. To draw attention to the way you cooperated with the rescue effort denigrates the whole point of what happened, which is that you were saved.

A much more likely chain of events is that you would immediately seek out the person who threw the life preserver, and you would thank them. Not just superficially, either. You would embrace them, ask them their name, invite them to dinner and maybe give them your cabin!
‘Law & Gospel’ (Mockingbird Ministries, 2015), page 73

But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. Titus 3:4-5.

Kelsy Richardson, who is currently conducting graduate research on ‘gratitude’ at Fuller Seminary, named pride as a major deterrent to gratitude said, “When you believe you deserve the good things you receive, you don’t feel the need to be grateful to others.”

“Without effort, feelings of gratitude are often fleeting, passing as quickly as they come. For example, I’m grateful to have a clean bill of health but gripe as soon as a cold interferes with my busy life. I have a kitchen filled with food but complain about cooking and a closet filled with clothes but, “nothing to wear.” Tiffany Musik Matthews

Research suggests that gratitude can’t simply be grouped with other emotions, like happiness or anger, because unlike other emotions, gratitude takes a conscious effort. In order to be grateful, we must first take the time to recognize that something has been done for our benefit. The culture’s prevalent attitude, ‘of what have you done for me lately,’ reflects expectation not gratitude.

Dr. Robert Emmons, professor of psychology at UC Davis says, “Feeling grateful is not the same as being a grateful person, a grateful person is one who regularly affirms the goodness in his or her life and recognizes that the sources of this goodness lie at least partially outside of themselves.” Notice Emmons says that gratefulness does not come from us or because of us.

In today’s age of entitlement many have come to expect that their lives should have less discomfort, but we are not God and cannot guarantee what we desire. Being truly grateful extends beyond our own convenience. Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. With gratitude you accept life as it is and are grateful for what you have.

The evidence is clear that cultivating gratitude in our lives makes us happier and healthier people. As receivers of salvation and divine grace, we should strive to be grateful in all seasons of our lives.


In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.  Brother David Steindl-Rast

Mistakes Were Made But Not by Me

I blew it; I never should have said that! Have you ever felt bad about something you’ve said or done and wish you could take it back? Sure you have. We all have. Sadly, I’ve said things to people that weren’t said in love. It might have been true, but it wasn’t said in the right way.

The timing of my rationalized, yet hurtful words was bad. The person was too emotionally raw to hear my words. If you’ve ever put your foot in your mouth and regretted it you know what I mean. We might think that our words were reasonable and completely justified. After all, the words were true, didn’t they 'get it' are they really that ‘clueless’?

Here’s the hard part for many. We might have had the right intention, but the impact of our words or actions was not what we hoped for.

Unfortunately, unkind words and actions have caused the end of personal relationships and strained international relationships as well. See James 3:5-10

It’s going to be hard now after what I’ve said. What can I do now to make things better? I can apologize and say, “I’m sorry.” It sounds easy, but why is it so hard for so many to say that? Maybe it’s because we don’t really think we made a mistake?

In the fascinating and well researched book, Mistakes Were Made, (but not by me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts the authors explore people’s strong need for self-justification and the serious consequences.

“Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up to the huge implications of their decisions when they screw up?  Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves?  Carol Tavris and Elliott Aronson

This self deception is seen in the words from the British politician, Lord Molson (1903-1991), "I will look at any additional evidence to confirm the opinion to which I have already come." See Jesus’ parable the Mote and the Beam.

Have you ever noticed some people have 20/20 vision for faults and flaws and misdeeds of others but, complete myopia when it comes to themselves? Not you, of course, but some people do.
It's somebody else who has the problem.

In other words, the truth is we don’t see our blind spots, but others do. Other people know. They talk about it with each other, but this is just true for all of us, part of the human condition. Like the garden of old we confidently find fault with others, not owning up to what’s ours’.

Why is it so easy to justify and rationalize after we’ve hurt others? Maybe deep down we think they deserve it and were not even aware of it. Maybe it has more to do with us and not them. It can be different.

The question is…Am I quicker to pass judgment on or gossip about other people than I am to see and feel the painful truth about myself?

Hopefully, upon honest reflection you come to the realization that you made a big mistake. What can you do? Here are two suggestions:
First, before you apologize you must acknowledge that you made a mistake. Don’t rationalize and self-justify. Secondly, when you screw up admit,”I’m sorry for hurting you, I made a mistake, will you forgive me? I need to understand what went wrong. I don’t want to make the same mistake again.”

In the final analysis the test of an individual’s integrity does not depend on being mistake free. It depends on what we do after making the mistake. As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu observed more than twenty-five-hundred years ago:

A great nation is like a great man:
When he makes a mistake, he realizes it.
Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it.

We all need help. What about you? Why not join me this week with a decision. If somebody says something to you that's critical, instead of leaning away, defending or dismissing, try being more open and ask them to tell you more. That takes guts, but by God’s grace He can open our eyes to see more clearly the truth about ourselves.

I invite you to share any comments or suggestions about how we can do better by admitting our mistakes on this blog or by email.

Showing Mercy

How can we show mercy when we want justice? Last week we looked at how compassion and humility can help bring peace and build bridges in a very divisive world. There is another significant heart posture that can help restore broken relationships and improve our current ones.

Showing Mercy

Mercy is giving more kindness than justice demands. Intentional or not we all hurt each other deeply, it’s just reality. Because of this we need massive doses of mercy to get back on track.  When were hurt there can be a tremendous amount of emotional energy stored up and we have a choice to use that emotional energy for retaliation or restoration? Which do you lean towards to?

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. 1 Peter 3:9

How do you do this when someone has insulted you or damaged your heart? We might feel, Lord, help me I don’t want to even talk to them. I want to get back at them, anything but to show mercy. Ask God for a calm spirit and refrain from harsh retaliatory words that you'll regret later.
Remember that God’s way is far different than ours’or the culture.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13

Things can get really dark given the right circumstance. Words can attack the very core of our being, our abilities, our accomplishments, even our worth as a person. There are times when a wound goes so deep that we say to ourselves, ‘I can’t forgive you.’ God says to us you’re never going to forgive that person more than I’ve already forgiven you. 

Love does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Corinthians 13:5

Some not only keep a record of wrongs, but they got a whole mental closet of every wrong someone did to them. They’ve cataloged and characterized those offenses and they’re ready to pull one out at the right moment to get their emotional payback.

That’s not God’s way! It may not be easy at all, but we need to lean into forgiveness and show mercy. Forgive as he has forgiven you. Forgiveness is not a one-time event, it’s an aerobic exercise.

Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. I Thessalonians 5:15

How would you rate yourself on the mercy scale 1 to 10?  Do you stockpile hurts for ammo for later, and keep a scorecard then give yourself a one. If you’re quick to offer forgiveness and quick to let go of grudges give yourself an 8 or 9.

Joins us in the next blog for another heart attitude that can make all the difference in the world for you and those you care about.