Begin Where You Are Today

Countless people are on an endless quest for meaning. Their search takes them to places they never thought they would be and do things they never thought they would do. This might describe some of our lives in the past or maybe even today. While some of our experiences can bring temporal satisfaction they never seem to last.

Without a deep sense of purpose our lives can be like experiments searching for that elusive thing, experience or person. Unknowingly, we can get so easily absorbed into today’s cultural definitions of success and personal realization that we just might find we’re living lives that could be described as…

The Lonely life

Unprecedented access to social networking has not taken loneliness away. Loneliness is no stranger to socially connected people.

Feeling alone has never been more epidemic. 

We long to know and be known, but our fears and habits make it difficult to give or we feel vulnerable to injury in relationships and we often keep our stories of struggle or confusion to ourselves.  

We’re afraid of getting close. We choose proximity without intimacy. Our hearts are heavy and alone.

The Imposter’s life

Appearance is more important than substance. What matters most is what we appear to be. Sadly, we doubt that much beyond appearance can be found anyway. It’s “all good,” I don’t need to know about your problems, distractions or complications. It’s Margarita-ville, don’t you get it?

As Mark Labberton said, “The imposter’s life is simply not full of pretense; it allows someone to think about us the way they want without actually disclosing who we really are. Since “it’s all good” there’s nothing to worry about.”

The Consumer’s Life

Life isn’t about who you are but about what you have, because what you have tells you who you are. Google knows that what we pursue as consumers, of culture, of goods, of experience, and taste and the things that feed our consumption increases our desire for still more.

The Fearful Life

Real and imagined dangers exist all around is. We can be paranoid or obsessive. Fear can be tamed, but is readily accessed with the right triggers of getting it wrong, not being seen, being hurt, experiencing violence, losing control, failing, getting over- looked, doing damage, causing pain, misspeaking…

Begin Where You Are 

We may be privileged or deprived, but living with these kinds of patterns sets the trajectory for our lives. We can live much better lives. How can things be different? As Bob Dylan, said, “it may be the devil or it may be the Lord, but no matter who you are, you’re gonna have to serve somebody.”

Jesus says to all His followers, “Follow me.” If we want to truly follow Him we need to start where we are, not where we’d like to be, whether it’s at work, home or in our neighborhoods.

Following Jesus starts here. It starts with learning to see the people that we regularly see in a different light, as made and loved by God, that because they matter to God they matter to you and me.

When we truly see others as God sees them we can love our neighbors as ourselves. And when we do we will whine less about the world. Do you want your life to be more of an adventure rather than the mundane lives most people live? Are you ready to dive in? Are you ready for some fun and sacrifice?  You won’t regret it and God will be pleased.

Hope and Healing in Loss

Countless people are secretly burdened by loss in some form. They've lost someone that was deeply valued or experienced a broken relationship that seems beyond repair? For others it’s an incurable chronic health issue that has brought them to a place of helplessness and despair. The question is where do we go and what do we do with our losses?

Many in the midst of loss say they live in a place that feels like others are on the ‘outside’ who cannot fully understand without having experienced it themselves. Novelist Aleksandar Hemon refers to grief, “As living inside an aquarium that those on the outside could see in to a degree, but those inside the glass led a completely alien existence.”

When deep tragedies leave us feeling angry or helpless what does it look like to place our trust in God? How can we mourn with those who mourn and allow for grace and healing in our relationships and communities?

Grief is the emotional, psychological and mental experience that results from having lost someone or something deeply loved or valued. Mourning, on the other hand is something we do collectively and externally. According to Dr. Dean Nelson, “Mourning is something we do with the people around us—something that the community does.”

In the Time article by Ruth Davis Konigsberg says, “Grief is not a series of steps that ultimately bring us to a psychological finish line, but a grab bag of symptoms that come and go and, eventually, simply lift.” Grief can be a rollercoaster of emotional spirals. Certain memories from places, times and events related to our loss can bring so much distress we can avoid moving through the grieving process altogether.

Sometimes, instead of moving into the grief, we move away from it in hopes of removing the distress. This may provide short term relief, but can prolong the grieving process.

Grief is something not fully understood
There is no outline. There is no prescription for “getting through” the grieving process.  “The temptation to understand the grieving process through an overly simplistic framework or faulty assumptions can be damaging to those in the midst of their grief, causing even isolation, pain and resentment.”– Christopher Hazell

The way people grieve is just as varied as the uniqueness of their relationships with the people for whom they’re grieving. In A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis describes his own debilitating grief after the loss of his wife; “I see people, as they approach me, trying to make up their minds whether they’ll ‘say something about it or not. I hate if they do, and if they don’t.” Grief is messy and unpredictable.

A place of comfort
Knowing that grief can be a slow process how can Christ followers come along side to provide a place of refuge? Believers are called to bring love and restoration to those who suffer in our midst which includes grief and mourning. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5  This verse implies that mourning is not only acceptable, but has permissive expression in the church. Yet knowing this does the church, do we, do you comfort others?

We don’t do grief here
Our culture has impacted the way we respond to those who are hurting? Sadness doesn’t sell, so let’s move on quickly to a more positive perspective. Some don’t want to listen to someone’s suffering.

By tucking lament under the pews we lose out on a supremely biblical form of worship. Two-thirds of the Psalms are composed of lament psalms. Lament as a form of worship is overwhelmingly present. Walter Brueggemann, an Old Testament scholar and theologian refers to grief as “An awareness that things in our world are broken, bruised, and seemingly beyond repair- an experience of disorientation.”

If we don’t allow a space for honesty with God or the opportunity to have gut-level conversations with God our faith journey is stunted. This can lead to a cardboard faith based on fear and we lose out on an authentic relationship with God because were not honest with Him about our sufferings, struggles and fears. We pretend all is well, even though it isn’t. Jesus cried out from the cross Psalm 22:1, “My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?”

God’s people need not to turn away from lament, but include it in the worship of our daily lives.

Grief in social mediaAt what point does being informed become problematic? Barriers seem nonexistent. With Face Book and Twitter there are no boundaries around when were exposed to events that call for mourning. With back to back exposures from the birth of baby to a bomb in Paris we can become numb and mayhem becomes mundane.

While posting grief on social media has be very helpful for many it can also be used to undermine the very thing it purports: Building community and connection. If used in place of real human connection it can be damaging and even dehumanizing. We can substitute social media for actual physical presence. 

Social media can be easier, but can be a shallow way to reach out to those in grief without any physical interactions. While there is no doubt that social media can be a gift to help us connect and foster community, but not at the expense of real human connection.

Loving others in griefThose in grief don’t need someone to “fix them” but someone to come alongside them without answers, clichés or expectations, but walk with them through a time of sorrow. When Jesus arrived at Lazarus’ tomb and was told of His friend’s death. He wept. At times that is what is needed most.

Often we want to simplify and expedite the grieving process. All though it may be well-intentioned, loving someone in grief is never as simple as quoting scripture, praying with them, giving them space, or even crying with them. They may need all these things at different times, or perhaps none of them.”- Christopher Hazell

It may not seem like enough, but sometimes all we can offer is letting someone know they are loved  we are with them.When we process grief we can develop a deeper heart capacity to help others grieve. Being more compassionate is at heart of what Christ is all about.  As we process grief ourselves and with others may we be reminded that this world is not our ultimate home, we were made for a place without tears.

The end of mourning
We live in a broken world with much sorrow and we are not meant to do it alone. We have others who can help us and also the joy of knowing Jesus’ promise that he will always be with us. As Christ followers we can look forward to the day when we will experience our ultimate healing with our God who has measured all our tears.

Leaving Your Bag Unattended

On a recent vacation my bag was over the limit so I removed a few things to not be charged and I was on to my destination. Before 911 we were asked at the airport, “Did you pack your own bag?” Well, in the longer journey of our lives there have people who have packed our bag for us, not terrorists, but our parents or ourselves with things we definitely didn’t need. Our bags became too heavy.

If your bag is too heavy at the airport you’re going to pay more fees and you don't want that, unless it’s Southwest. In airports today we hear the repeated announcement, “Do not leave your bag unattended.” You and I can benefit from attending to our bag and seeing how we can pack lighter so we have a more enjoyable trip.

Have you ever planned a trip and it didn’t go as expected? You took things with you that you didn’t need or even use. When Israel went on their long Exodus they took some excess baggage with them as well. The Bible says the mixed multitude (the Egyptians who saw the miracles) went with them along with their beliefs and idols.

At that time Israel had yet to receive any written revelation from God, but they had heard the stories about their forefathers all their lives. They also took with them their background of 400 years of slavery. Their family history impacted their perception of who God was and their expectation of what their journey would be like.  A land flowing with milk and honey…

God told Israel through Moses that I will be your God and you will be my people and I will lead you and provide for you along the way, you just got to trust me. (Ex.6:2-5)

It was not just on this trip alone that the Israelis got involved in things that got them stuck on their journey. Over the millennia Israel has had a long history of following after other lovers… idolatry and the allurement of alternatives to Gods’ way and it’s no different with us. We have the same human tendency to follow our own way. My way is Yahweh’s…

Like Israel, there’s a time in all of our lives when we must learn to let go of loved ones, possessions, of our own expectations or control of people, places and things. I’m afraid that too much of the time our lives are about what we want, when we want it and how we want it. Israel desperately needed to let go of the past influence of Egypt and its’ false security. Their constant and favorite theme song was, “I want to go back to Egypt,” even though God delivered them from bondage.

Like the Israelis have you ever thought, “I’m tired of wandering around and waiting for my inheritance. “How long oh Lord must I wait for that some kind of wonderful person or thing to come into my life?”

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Look at this smoking add. 

Things that just aren’t so includes some of the bad advice we hear about letting go in life. Jay Leno once asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?”  The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”

It would help us to accurately understand what letting go means. Letting go doesn’t mean that we forget, ignore or deny that our past trauma or relationship didn’t matter and we can simply move on. None of us are absolutely free from our past. 

While we cannot change the past we can experience freedom in the way we respond to it. You can have a new perspective. 

Your future can be better than your past.
Like the Israelis, we need know that letting go includes accepting your circumstance and your part in it, no matter how unfair or how much you don’t like it. God intended the Israelis to go the long route to the Promised Land and not the seemingly easier route along the Mediterranean Sea, but just not for forty years.

They got themselves into that mess. Letting go is learning how to let go of a past relationship or if it’s ongoing, not controlling the other person.  That’s hard even with the best intentions.Although we should not give a “disproportionate power to our past” the past is not our enemy. Understanding and acknowledging our past is not a meaningless exercise. 

Some say the past is in the past. While we can’t change the past we can learn from it. Like it or not our past becomes part of our identity inventory. God asked the Israelis to REMEMBER what they were delivered from in the celebrating of the Passover feast every year for thousands of years.

Being aware of the dynamics of a broken relationship is one thing, but understanding what our part was in a broken relationship is never easy, but extremely helpful for our future relationships. Your past doesn’t need to be a ball n' chain. Don't let it be, it gets heavy and is not very attractive.

Join us next time for part two of this blog as we explore three impacting relational dynamics that can help us have the best possible relationships. Your comments are welcome and appreciated.

With Hope,

Mark

A New Start

We are constantly being told about a lot of things that just aren’t so. Jay Leno asked a man on the street, “Can you name one of the Ten Commandments?” The man replied, “Freedom of speech.”Some of those things that just aren’t so include some of the bad advice we hear about starting over in life.

In the last blog we learned two practical insights from the prophet Isaiah of how to start over. First, identify your pain and secondly recognize it’s all about God. Regardless of what you need a fresh start with here are the other action steps to help you get your fresh start.

Thirdly, be honest about yourself.
The positive result of knowing the truth about ourselves is that it can free us to start over no matter how bleak it is. Isaiah was deeply honest with his part in the mess, “Woe to me!”I cried. “I am ruined!  For I am a man of unclean lips and I live among a people of unclean lips”v.5  This is important because it builds upon the recognition of the second action step to start over, that it’s all about God.

When we compare ourselves with God its woe to me and wow to God. Like Isaiah, when we honestly look inside our hearts there are things we are not pleased with. This could be depressing if we stopped here.

Fourthly, let go of your past.
After Isaiah confessed his part (v.6-7) and was forgiven he could let go. He got clean. While we all have regrets God doesn’t want us to stay stuck in regret. God is into new beginnings.

The psalmist wrote, “Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the LORD.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone” Psalm 32:5.  Because regrets are inevitable forgiveness is available for all of us and that’s really good news “He forgives all my sins. He heals me.” Psalm 103:3 

What is it that I could be holding on to? A failed relationship, poor choices, or hurtful words I’ve spoken?  Thank God we can know God’s assurance of His forgiveness. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” I John 1:9 Live as you’re forgiven.

Many have a hard time letting go because they feel guilty for what has already been forgiven. The problem for some is that they relive their past by retelling their tale of woe over and over again. Not a good place to be. God moves on – we stay put, paralyzed – stuck. If you’re having trouble letting go talk to a close trusted friend, a pastor or a counselor. Get it out into the light so it doesn’t have power over you. Please don’t stay stuck, let it go. Your future can begin now. You can experience a new start in life.

Fifthly, be available to God.
Isaiah heard the call of El Shaddai and responded, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” Isaiah 6:8 May we say along with Isaiah,” God send me, I want to be your man or woman in my sphere of influence.”

There are very few things we can really control. A lot of our disappointment or misery is in wanting to control others or situations that we can’t. What we can control is being available to God, to do our part for a fresh start. We do the possible God does the impossible. Be willing to let God work. There is no formula and it’s not simple to do, but we can make ourselves available to God.

Isaiah identified his pain. He evaluated his heart and knew that real meaningful life was about God, he knew he was forgiven. As a result, Isaiah proclaimed with a grateful heart, “here I am, send me!” There is no better time than NOW for a fresh start. It’s not too late to start over. Will you do that? You won’t regret it.

You are welcome to briefly tell me how you have started over in life. You can send your response to the email below.

With Hope,

Mark 

mark@startingoverworkshops.com

It’s Not Too Late To Start Over

Do you need a fresh start? Maybe your life has kind of been like a treadmill where you’re moving, but noint getting anywhere? Perhaps you’re starting over with a new job, a new relationship, an exercise plan or a diet? It’s not too late to start over.

Most of us like things ‘new.’ We love new. We like the new car, the new relationship…We like new and improved. God likes new too. He is into new, new birth, a changed life. God sees the new in advance. He sees what’s ahead and wants to get us there.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it. I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. Isaiah 43:18-19

We can learn from God’s word to Israel. He speaks to the prophet Isaiah about the nation’s future in a time of great national distress. Israel’s sins have determined their future exile. By God’s mercy they can start over despite their self inflicted consequences. They can have a fresh new start, but they need to cooperate with God.

Regardless of what you need a fresh start with write it down and get it in your mind. Here are some action steps to start over.

First, identify your pain.
Isaiah declares in 6:1, “In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord…” Like Isaiah, a significant life event can foster a deep needed change within an individual or a nation. For us it may not be a death, but a death of a dream, the loss of a job or a relationship. Whatever the pain it’s important that we ask ourselves, “How can I start over?” Is it possible?  Yes, it’s never too late to start over.

Unlike Isaiah many deny the pain in their life and say, “it’s no big deal, I’ve moved on” and pretend what’s in the past is the past. I am not saying dwell on our past, but if we’re not honest with the impact of our disappointment and pain we can never truly start over. The glossing over of our pain can become our ball and chain.

Those who continue to be trapped in their pain can become apathetically stuck. If the masks we’ve been wearing don’t work why continue to wear them? Why not try something new? Isn’t it about time?

Pain is a great motivator to start over. Can you identify your pain with Isaiah, “In the year Uzziah died I..” (your pain) “I began to drink heavily; I gave up and disengaged with life?” Could that be you? Do you want a fresh start that will last? If so, what is broken in your heart?

What if you do nothing with your grief, then what? God wants you to be honest with Him. He intimately knows everything about you, so don’t wait to bring your pain to Him, do it now (I Peter 5:7).

Secondly, recognize it’s all about God.
In the midst of his nations’ painful consequences Isaiah said, “I saw the Lord, high and exalted… and the seraphim cried Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty; the whole earth is full of his glory”v.1,3. When I identify my pain and truly recognize who God really is and my need for Him He becomes my motivation to start over.

For millions starting over is about the power within you for three easy payments. Real change will not last without God. Lindsay Loham is not going to change without God. Until it’s all about God it’s just recycled weirdness, a re-inventing of ourselves. You don’t want to waste your one and only life do you?

How big is your God? Is He big enough to help you deal with your pain and help you start over? Who or what has your main attention? If God is not the center for you, who is?

Join us for the rest of the action steps in the next blog.Your comments are appreciated.

Shalom,

Mark
mark@startingoverworkshops.com