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We are inundated with the myth that there is a perfect relationship for us. Somewhere ‘out there’ is my perfect match, the person who fits me like a glove, fits my soul the way the key fits into a lock.
The search is on, dating online or whatever tool one might use to find ‘the date’ that special someone and it’s your job to find them. So, one turns over every stone or possible lead only to discover after an exhausting pursuit, “it just isn’t so.”
Then far too many become pessimistic, “where have all the good guys gone?” Some even come to a place of despair and hopelessness, maybe even anger. Desperately wanting something or someone, but believing it will not happen. Our longing for someone is strong and the thought of our future becomes painful.
Many philosophers, theologians and psychologists have written that the soul cannot survive for long in a state of despair, but being so toxic we find a way to manage it by resignation. Learning to accept the inevitability of our circumstances with serenity is a good course of action, although definitely not easy.
But resignation alone cannot sustain a life. The writer Ernest Hemingway (don’t let the romanticized Hemingway’s role in Midnight in Paris fool you) said, “sooner or later, the world breaks everyone, and those who are broken are strongest in the broken places.”
Sometimes that is true. But sometimes people write nice things they hope to be true only to find they don’t help. Hemingway himself didn’t get stronger and ended his own life because his pain was too great.
BUT, there is always HOPE which is not based on circumstances, but rather on an inner disposition. Many hope for a lot of things, but the good news is that hope can be learned. Hanging around hopeful people can really help too. Yet, none of us can ensure that things will work out the way we want them to, but we can ask ourselves, ”How would the person I want to be face this situation?”
We might not be able to change our situation, but many of our situations are temporary, and the person you are becoming will go on. You have to live with you. What are you going to do about your circumstance or better yet, who are you going to become through it?
Adversity can change your priorities about what really matters. Billy Bean, the GM of Oakland Athletics, who’s character was portrayed in the Academy Award nominated movie ’Money Ball’, decided his daughter was worth more than the highest paid GM in baseball (12M).
Disappointment and adversity can point us in a different direction.
While I was teaching a Bible study in a prison I met several who were pointed in a different direction. Their circumstance helped them see what was really important in life. A few were formerly rich from embezzlement and had traveled the world, but told me if they were to visit one more place before they die it wouldn’t be luxurious places, but rather their prison cell where they met God.
Hope points us beyond ourselves.
In an economy where nothing seems to be going up we may ask, “What’s going up for me?” One thing that can ‘go up’ in our lives is the opportunity for you and me to trust God. That is always going to be going up! It isn’t easy, but it’s wide open because certain things do not change.
God’s grace and His love are always available!
Mark
Let me know your comments below. For more pertinent aspects of meaningful relationships check out more of our blogs above on ‘dating’ our website Recovery after Divorce or FB.
