Doubt and Faith in Suffering and Evil

Christian Reger, spent four years as a prisoner in Dachau. His crime? He had belonged to the Confessing Church, the branch of the German state church which under the leadership of Dietrich Bonhoeffer, opposed Hitler. Reger, turned over to the authorities by his church organist, was arrested and shipped to Dachau.

During the final winter in that horrid place, when coal supplies ran low the ovens were finally shut off. Prisoners no longer had to put up with the constant stench of burning comrades. Many died of exposure, however and the bodies were stacked naked in the snow like cordwood, a number stenciled in blue on each. Reger will tell such horror stories if you ask. But he never stops there. He goes on to share how faith, and how even at Dachau he was visited by a God of love.

“Nietzsche said a man can undergo torture if he knows the Why of his life,” Reger told me. “But here at Dachau, I learned the Who of my life. He was enough to sustain me then, and is enough to sustain me still.”

It was not always so. After his first month in Dachau, Reger, like Elie Wiesel, abandoned all hope in a loving God. From the perspective of a prisoner of the Nazi’s, the odds against God’s existence seemed too great. Then, in July 1941, something happened to challenge his doubt.

Each prisoner was allowed only one letter a month, and exactly one month from the date of his incarceration Christian Reger received the first news from his wife. In fragments of the letter, which had been carefully clipped into pieces by a censor, she chatted about family and assured him of her love. At the very bottom Reger’s wife printed a Bible reference: Acts 4:26-29.

Reger who had smuggled in a Bible, looked up the verses, which formed part of a speech delivered by Peter and John just after their release from prison.

“The kings of the earth take their stand, and the rulers gather together against the Lord and against His Anointed One. Indeed Herod and Pilate met together with the Gentiles and the people of Israel in this city to conspire against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed. They did what your power and will had decided beforehand should happen. Now, Lord, consider their threats and enable your servants to speak your word with great boldness.”

That afternoon Reger was to undergo interrogation, the most terrifying experience in the camp. He would be called on to name other Christians in the confessing Church outside. If he succumbed, those Christians would be captured and possibly killed. But if he refused to cooperate, there was a good chance he would be beaten with clubs or tortured with electricity. He knew firsthand about “rulers gathering together against the Lord,” but other than that, the verses meant little to him. How could God possibly help him at a time like this?

Reger was moved to the waiting area outside the interrogation room. He was trembling.  The door opened, and a fellow minister whom Reger had never met came out. Without looking at Reger or changing the expression on his face, he walked over to him, slipped something into Reger’s  coat pocket, and walked away. Seconds later SS guards appeared and ushered Reger inside the room. The interrogations went well, and they were surprisingly easy and involved no violence.

When Reger arrived back at the barracks, he was sweating despite the cold. He breathed deeply for several minutes, trying to calm himself he crawled into his bunk and covered himself with straw. Suddenly he remembered the odd encounter with the other minister. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a matchbox. Oh, he thought what a kind gesture. 

Matches are a priceless commodity in the barracks. He found no matches inside, however, just a folded slip of paper.  Reger unfolded the paper, and his heart beat hard against his chest. Neatly printed on the paper was this reference: Acts 4:26-29

To Reger, it was a miracle, a message directly from God. The minister could not have possibly seen the letter from Reger’s  wife-the man was a stranger. Had God arraigned the event as a demonstration that He was still alive, still able to strengthen, still worthy of trust?

Christian Reger was transformed from that moment . It was a small miracle, as miracles go, but sufficient to anchor his faith in bedrock that could not be shaken, not even by the atrocities he would witness over the next four years in Dachau.

“God did not rescue me and make my suffering easier. He simply assured me He was alive and He knew I was here. We Christians drew together. We formed a church here, among other convicted pastors and priests and became one Body. I can only speak for myself. Others turned from God because of Dachau. Who am I to judge them? I simply know that God met me. For me, he was enough, even at Dachau.”

Adapted from Philip Yancey's Where Is God When it Hurts p. 157